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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Gobble, Gobble
For any international readers not familiar with American Thanksgiving, the simplest explanation is to think of it as a day when family gathers from far and wide to celebrate the great American tradition of overeating. Thanksgiving is a special day when hearts swell with gratitude…also with the symptoms of heart disease. Swelling of the stomach […]
Posted in: Columns
Chinglish Continues to Fascinate
November 20, 2011
The company in charge of selling advertising space in the Shanghai metro has a name that seems to attract my eye even more than the actual advertisement. It’s hard to appreciate the value of any product brought to you by “STD.” One of my favorite places in Shanghai is my local imported grocery store and […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Saturday Side Salad
November 19, 2011
My favorite search term this week: justin bieber takes fraternety test I think the searcher meant paternity test because Bieber is only sixteen years old and won’t need to worry about joining a college fraternity for a couple more years. He definitely should put fraternity considerations on a back burner until he sorts out this […]
Posted in: Columns
Starbucks Announces: Come for Joe Not for John
November 18, 2011
The Starbucks in New York City announced they will be closing their bathrooms to the public. Apparently they grew tired of being the hangout for the homeless and the guy using the Wi-Fi for ten hours while only sipping one coffee. I can respect the challenge to keep the place classy when it’s full of […]
Posted in: Headlines
Astronauts or AstroNots
November 17, 2011
Dear NASA, I saw your job posting on USAJOBS seeking astronauts. Apparently many veteran astronauts are leaving and NASA will need upwards of fifty-five new astronauts in the next few years. Here’s my favorite part of the job description: “Frequent travel may be required.” I’m glad this detail was included before I applied because I […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Dear Good Greatsby: What’s on Your Bucket List?
November 16, 2011
The Average Person wondered about my list of things I still wanted to do before death. I was assisted in answering her question by my personal assistant Ken, who took time from his busy schedule of not having a girlfriend. Dear Good Greatsby, Having had a lucky escape, I decided to write a bucket List. […]
Posted in: Dear Good Greatsby
Obama Carries Softly and Speaks a Big Stick
November 15, 2011
In matters of international diplomacy, US President Theodore Roosevelt was famous for coining the phrase, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” This is the version found in most history books, although Roosevelt’s version underwent several rough drafts before he got it just right: “Dance seductively while swinging a hangman’s noose.” “Speak softly while holding […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Mustache-less Candidates Race to Get Their Grow On
November 14, 2011
Just when it seemed things couldn’t get any worse for Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain following a series of sexual harassment accusations, Cain has now lost the coveted endorsement of the American Mustache Institute. Cain Keeps Stiff Upper Lip After Losing Endorsement of Hairy Upper Lip The American Mustache Institute had first planned to stand […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Chinglish Fluctuation
November 13, 2011
My friend Andrew took this picture at a local museum as he was about to take the stairs: Back in my day, we were content with traditional stairs and nobody would have even considered the idea of messing with a design that’s been working for thousands of years. Now kids today demand fancy fluctuation stairs […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Saturday Snack
November 12, 2011
The Fonz is having a great year in 2nd grade. He’s never been so excited about learning and corners me throughout the day to tell me about the solar system or compound words. Of course I was happy to see how enthused he was about learning, but my happiness began to fade this past week […]
Posted in: Columns
Come Again? (Guest Contribution at Educlaytion)
November 11, 2011
Clay over at Educlaytion asked me to contribute to a post on the random things you might say to confuse people who are eavesdropping. Sometimes I suspect the couple at the table next to me seems to be straining to listen in on my conversation, and this is why I always have a snippet of […]
Posted in: Columns
The Good Greatsby’s Tips for Getting Your Spouse’s Attention
November 10, 2011
In yesterday’s post, Muy Caliente! Tips for Adding Spice to Your Marriage, I responded to an article outlining methods to add some excitement to your marriage. Today I’d like to suggest some of my own time-tested methods for keeping Mrs. Good Greatsby interested in yours truly. #1 Leave each other notes around the house from […]
Posted in: Advice
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November 22, 2011
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