Browsing All posts tagged under »United States«

America No Longer Fattest Nation! Cupholder Layoffs Expected

July 10, 2013


At a recent healthy lunch event for children hosted by Michelle Obama at the White House, one of the kids asked President Obama his favorite food and the president answered, “Broccoli.” If any of the children had asked his favorite hobbies, I wonder if he would have answered, “Homework and going to bed early.” But […]

Even More Indifferent State Tourism Slogans

July 4, 2012


Last year in celebration of America’s Independence Day I did two posts on indifferent state slogans but only covered two-thirds of the states. I now present a comprehensive list of all fifty: Alabama: Now with universal phone access in 41 of 67 counties. Alaska: Not the birthplace of Sarah Palin. Arizona: 47 days without a […]

Hey, Mitt, Make Me Your VP

May 9, 2012


Dear Mitt Romney, I hear you might be looking for a vice president. Allow me to suggest the following potential candidates: 1. Steve Jobs’ ghost–I know some intolerant Americans may complain about a ghost occupying such a high office, especially because ghosts don’t pay taxes, but Jobs might be the one ghost everyone could get behind […]

Trump Endorses Romney, May Sway Multimillionaire Blowhard Voting Bloc

February 7, 2012


Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney for President really shouldn’t be much of a surprise considering the startling similarities between the two men. Excerpts from Trump’s endorsement: “I actually offered my endorsement to all the candidates but Romney was the only one who would agree to accept the endorsement while standing behind a lectern with […]

Obama Carries Softly and Speaks a Big Stick

November 15, 2011


In matters of international diplomacy, US President Theodore Roosevelt was famous for coining the phrase, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” This is the version found in most history books, although Roosevelt’s version underwent several rough drafts before he got it just right: “Dance seductively while swinging a hangman’s noose.” “Speak softly while holding […]

Palin Runs Out of Reasons to Run

October 6, 2011


Former VP candidate, half-term Alaska governor, reality TV star, Fox News analyst, and frequent ‘You betcha!’ utterer, Sarah Palin announced she wasn’t running for President to a  room full of yawns.  The news came as no surprise to the reporters at The Good Greatsby who realized she never intended to run from the time this […]

Obama Reels in Big, Bigger, Biggest Fish

September 27, 2011


A new fish story controversy has bit the Obama administration at a time the President is already reeling from low poll numbers before next year’s election. The scandal started innocently enough when the White House released a photo from Obama’s summer vacation–supposedly an action shot of Obama catching a ‘big’ fish. Obama returned from vacation […]

Obama to Mongolia: Talk to the Hand!

September 23, 2011


Perhaps you’ve seen this photo of Obama blocking the face of Mongolia’s President Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj in a world leader group picture during a UN summit: Obama has been ridiculed in the media, but you can’t trust reporters have given us the whole story.   They saw a funny picture and immediately assumed Obama had made a […]

Obama Baby Drama

September 20, 2011


I found this picture of Obama with a baby but I wasn’t able to find the associated headline and had to create my own: Townspeople Demand Refund After Seeing Local Obama Impersonator Side-By-Side With Real President President’s Efforts to Change Child’s Diaper Bring Accusations of ‘Smear Tactics’ Obama Warns Crowd of Dangerous GOP Plan to […]

The Downgrade Explained

August 11, 2011


Perhaps you’ve heard the United States credit rating was dropped from AAA to AA+ by the rating agency Standard & Poors.  This downgrade means the US will have to offer higher rates when it issues bonds and will increase the interest the US will pay to creditors over time.  International investors will no longer consider […]

More Indifferent State Tourism Slogans: Now 50% More Slogany

July 4, 2011


Happy birthday, America!  I got you a card but I wasn’t sure where to send it. Allow me to apologize for sullying your reputation by trying to settle all arguments both home and abroad with a chant of “USA!  USA!  USA!” Now for a selection of even indifferenter, fat-freer, low calorierer,  state tourism slogans: Alabama: […]

Indifferent State Tourism Slogans

July 1, 2011


Arizona: 47 days without a killer bee attack. Connecticut: ‘Connect’ing Rhode Island and New York since 1788. Delaware: Experts in giving directions to Maryland, Pennsylvania, or New Jersey. Kansas: You’ve got to stop for gas somewhere–why not stop in Kansas? Kentucky: Now accessible by car. Louisiana: Anyone named Louis or Ana eats free. Maine: Once […]