Browsing All posts tagged under »kids«

‘Loudly Amorous Guests’ and Other Aggravating Travelers

September 20, 2016

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I just finished a month performing a one-man standup show in Scotland as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and after a month of traveling I feel especially qualified to comment on this survey by Expedia asking 1,000 Americans to name the behaviors they find most aggravating in fellow hotel guests. 29% complained about the […]

Revenge of the Rubik’s Cube Nerds

May 26, 2016

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Last weekend I accompanied my 12-year-old son as he competed in an all day Rubik’s Cube competition. It was exhausting. Not for him but for me. After just an hour my voice was already hoarse from shouting, ‘Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. You and you and you. Nerds.’ But the nerds were everywhere. My sons keep telling […]

My 11-Year-Old Tries Very, Very Hard to Explain the Plot of Inside Out

January 12, 2016

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When my kids were small my wife told me I shouldn’t tease them, and I told her that it was too late to re-negotiate the terms of our agreement to have children. Teasing and its potential for producing comedy material was one of the strongest ‘pros’ in the reproduction column. Unfortunately, as the kids have […]

And That’s a Wrap 2015: Library Death Zone 4

December 31, 2015

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Goodbye, 2015. We hardly knew ye. Here are my highlights: 1. Library Death Zone 4 The last day before Christmas break my son Luke had a big dance performance at school. I told him ‘Dance like there’s nobody watching, because your recital is the same time as your brother’s football game.’ If you’ve followed this […]

5 Tips for Surviving Your Child’s Christmas Pageant

December 21, 2015

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For those of you who don’t have children and are spending wild nights out on the town, parenting may not seem very exciting or glamorous, but, it isn’t. Although parenting has its rewards. I’ve heard. At least that’s what all the parenting books say. Not that I’ve read any parenting books, but my wife put […]

And That’s a Wrap: 2013

January 14, 2014

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At the end of 2011 I posted a summary of my year: And That’s a Wrap I meant to do the same at the end of 2012 but I got distracted watching Game of Thrones and forgot to do anything in 2012. 2013 In January I started writing the back page Slice of Life humor […]

Scientists Prove What’s the Matter with Kids Today

December 16, 2013

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In a study sponsored by your parents, scientists have revealed kids today can’t run as fast or as far as their parents. I didn’t need a study to tell me that. My children’s tear-streaked, dust-covered faces way back there in the distance tell all. As far as I understand, this study considers my generation to […]

When I Was a Kid Things Were Tough

November 1, 2013

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When I was a kid things were tough–so much tougher than the kids today have it. The toughest part for my generation was that it was so hard to find anybody to complain to about how tough things were. The kids today can whine once on Facebook and immediately reach hundreds of people. But when […]

The Fonz Rebrands His Brother

October 11, 2013

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My twelve-year-old son Optimist Prime has always prided himself on never following the crowd and never doing something just because the popular kids say it’s cool. It has me kind of worried. The doctors tell us he should have outgrown his idealism by now. His mother and I are having a hard time making him […]

A Responsible Life is a Life Half Lived

August 22, 2013

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When you’re just a kid you look at all the life ahead of you as a series of milestones: I can’t wait to be a teenager. I can’t wait to get my driver’s license. I can’t wait to get a fake driver’s license. I can’t wait to have sex for the first time. I can’t […]

I’ve Had a Lovely Time…But This Wasn’t It

July 19, 2013

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A recent study confirmed what our gut was already telling us: Baseball is pretty boring. A Wall Street Journal study estimates the typical 3-hour game contains more than two and a half hours of waiting and only 17 minutes and 58 seconds of actual action. This means 90% of a baseball game is spent standing […]

America No Longer Fattest Nation! Cupholder Layoffs Expected

July 10, 2013

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At a recent healthy lunch event for children hosted by Michelle Obama at the White House, one of the kids asked President Obama his favorite food and the president answered, “Broccoli.” If any of the children had asked his favorite hobbies, I wonder if he would have answered, “Homework and going to bed early.” But […]