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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »satire«
How to Give Bad News
Giving someone bad news is tough. Whether it’s a break up, a layoff, or telling my friend Todd I’m unable to repay the money he didn’t know I’d borrowed, everyone dreads those awkward conversations. I read a story about a woman in China who faked her own kidnapping and death to avoid having to break […]
Yoko Ono’s Wishing Tree
January 10, 2022
I recently visited a sculpture garden out in the Hamptons, and the tour guide showed us a wish tree donated by Yoko Ono. There were little slips of paper and pencils and the guide told us, “You write your wish, tie it to the tree, and Yoko Ono says maybe your wish might come true.” […]
It’s All Chinese Whispers to Me
August 14, 2019
I’m Somewhere Where I Don’t Know Where I Am I’ve lived abroad for fifteen years of my adult life, spent years studying foreign languages–both German and Chinese, and made international friends from all over. The memories are starting to blur together. Do you remember the time We were eating Italian food After Chinese class With […]
Let Me Join Your Conspiracy Theory
July 31, 2019
I loved James Bond as a kid. I can tell I’m getting older, maybe a little grumpier, because in recent movies, I still root for James Bond to win, but the super-villain is starting to make a lot of sense. James Bond villains don’t get enough respect. My background is in project management and I know it must take a lot of creativity, ambition and project management organizational skills to almost pull off a conspiracy in a world where everyone skims emails.
You’ve Been Tying Your Shoelaces Wrong
April 27, 2017
Breaking News: According to the International Institute for Studies, studies have shown more studies are needed. Study 1: Science on a shoestring budget This is embarrassing. I’ve been tying my shoelaces wrong for three decades. Scientists have solved the mystery of why our shoelaces untie when we walk. A team at UC Berkley spent two […]
At Last, London Hipsters Have Created a Café for Cat Ladies
October 13, 2016
We recently adopted a kitten and last week I took her for a round of vaccinations. The next day I took my 12-year-old son for a round of vaccinations. The cat was much easier. Part of the problem is that society frowns on transporting children in pet carriers. (When my oldest son and I went […]
‘Loudly Amorous Guests’ and the 10 Most Aggravating Travelers
September 20, 2016
I just finished a month performing a one-man standup show in Scotland as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and after a month of traveling I feel especially qualified to comment on this survey by Expedia asking 1,000 Americans to name the behaviors they find most aggravating in fellow hotel guests. 29% complained about the […]
Dr. Heimlich, Ebola, and the Strange Case of Jennifer Herpes
June 2, 2016
The 96-year-old inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver, Dr. Henry Heimlich used the technique last week to save an 87-year-old woman choking on a piece of meat. This was the first time Dr. Heimlich had used the maneuver to save a life, though he’d used it many times to save on drinks: ‘Who wants to cough […]
Air Conditioners for President!
March 15, 2016
I’m a peace-loving man. Indeed I was kicked out of the Peace Corps for loving peace too much. Those phonies in the Peace Corps say they want peace, but I was the only one willing to fight for it. As part of my commitment to spreading peace I’m constantly studying the science of aggression, and […]
It’s Better to Be Safe Than Friendly
February 24, 2016
I was watching the news and they said the majority of murder victims are killed by people they know. I bring this up any time my wife tries to get me to meet new people. The fewer people you know, the safer you’ll be. I say no to parent teacher conferences, open houses, book clubs, […]
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