Browsing All Posts filed under »Headlines«

Prelude to Five People Asking for Hand Sanitizer

October 5, 2012


Are you new? Something about you seems different than the people who normally work here. I can honestly say, of all the presidential candidates I’ve ever met, you’re the first. Please tell me I’m not the only one who can see this guy. Is it just me or did a rich, white guy just appear? […]

Prince Harry Courts Controversy With Wave of Royal Scepter

August 29, 2012


Perhaps you’ve already heard the news about Britain’s Prince Harry who was photographed nude during a Las Vegas party while playing a round of strip billiards. The only reason I know about the story is because I’ve set my Google News to send me alerts whenever a story contains the keywords: ‘nude, photograph, Queen’, but […]

Detergent Thefts Leave Stores Hanging Out to Dry

March 14, 2012


News reports claim American stores are experiencing a spike in thefts of Tide laundry detergent. Apparently the high retail value of Tide, $10 to $20 a bottle, and the lack of a serial number, make it an attractive target for thieves to steal and resell. I’m pretty sure the story has been blown out of […]

Thieves in Doozy After Boozy Two-zy

December 5, 2011


A New Mexico diner called the police after three drunken men stole all their toilet paper.  The TP Trio, as I’m sure their prison inmates will soon dub their nefarious gang, emerged from the bathroom carrying a dozen rolls in their arms and were promptly arrested by police in the parking lot.  You know it […]

Amish Shave and a Haircut–Two Years to Life

November 24, 2011


Seven members of a breakaway Amish cult have been charged with a hate crime after forcibly shaving the beards and cutting the hair of individuals who wouldn’t support an extremist leader.  The most intriguing part of the story is the name of the cult leader who ordered the haircuts: Samuel Mullet. Never, ever take hair […]

Starbucks Announces: Come for Joe Not for John

November 18, 2011


The Starbucks in New York City announced they will be closing their bathrooms to the public.  Apparently they grew tired of being the hangout for the homeless and the guy using the Wi-Fi for ten hours while only sipping one coffee.  I can respect the challenge to keep the place classy when it’s full of […]