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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »headlines«
Detergent Thefts Leave Stores Hanging Out to Dry
March 14, 2012
News reports claim American stores are experiencing a spike in thefts of Tide laundry detergent. Apparently the high retail value of Tide, $10 to $20 a bottle, and the lack of a serial number, make it an attractive target for thieves to steal and resell. I’m pretty sure the story has been blown out of […]
Cop Steals Pudding; Taken into Custardy
February 24, 2012
Police in Houston arrested one of its own after a cop was repeatedly filmed stealing food and drinks from the break room refrigerator. Local media love a story about a crooked cop and they’ve probably jumped all over this story with the following sensational headlines: Cop Steals Pudding; Taken into Custardy Officer in Pickle After […]
Thieves in Doozy After Boozy Two-zy
December 5, 2011
A New Mexico diner called the police after three drunken men stole all their toilet paper. The TP Trio, as I’m sure their prison inmates will soon dub their nefarious gang, emerged from the bathroom carrying a dozen rolls in their arms and were promptly arrested by police in the parking lot. You know it […]
Starbucks Announces: Come for Joe Not for John
November 18, 2011
The Starbucks in New York City announced they will be closing their bathrooms to the public. Apparently they grew tired of being the hangout for the homeless and the guy using the Wi-Fi for ten hours while only sipping one coffee. I can respect the challenge to keep the place classy when it’s full of […]
Hats Off to the Queen’s Hat
June 4, 2011
1. QUEEN: “You can undress me with your eyes all you want, but the hat stays on.” 2. QUEEN: “I saw Elton John wearing it, and I just ‘hat’ to have it. Get it? ‘Hat’ to have it? Bit of English hat humour for you.” 3. OBAMA: “You’re required to carry your constitutional powers on […]
Breaking News Fixed: Russian President Medvedev Debuts Sultry-Look-Diplomacy
March 28, 2011
Once again I bring you the news headlines I would have preferred to see attached to the following pictures: 1. Russian President Medvedev Demands UN Halt Libya Military Action; Recommends Shift in Strategy to Sultry-Look-Diplomacy 2. Political Retirement Rumors Gain Steam as Medvedev Submits Headshot to Russian Version of The Mentalist 3. Controversy Erupts as […]
Breaking News Fixed
March 21, 2011
I saw this picture of Hillary Clinton but didn’t immediately see any headline attached. What is she doing? Who or what is she looking at? Is she about to speak or has she just spoken? Is she possibly thinking about me and those love letters I wrote her? I decided not to look for the […]
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Huffington Post Comedy
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Columns in Time Out Shanghai Magazine
June 25, 2012
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