My friend Andrew took this picture at a local museum as he was about to take the stairs:
Back in my day, we were content with traditional stairs and nobody would have even considered the idea of messing with a design that’s been working for thousands of years. Now kids today demand fancy fluctuation stairs or nothing. They figure if there’s anything worth seeing on the second floor, there would be fluctuation stairs to help them get there.
Hey ladies, if you’re serious about beauty, let me give you a tip on the new product everyone in Hollywood will be using before long:
Maybe she’s born with it…maybe it’s Snake Gall Corn Body Powder!
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Check out the caption contest finalists and make sure to rearrange your schedule to allow voting once every day during the coming week.
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What’s that? Feeling a little blue as the weather’s turned colder? Try this clip of singer/songwriter/actress/potential love interest Zooey singing In The Sun on Letterman:
If you’re still feeling down after a dose of Zooey, maybe you should see a doctor. Seriously.
The Good Greatsby 
lifeintheboomerlane
November 13, 2011
I just voted for Peg’s caption over my own. Is there a special award for selfless bloggers?
The Good Greatsby
November 13, 2011
Way to take the high road after all the bad-mouthing Peg is probably doing about everybody else’s caption. I have no evidence she’s bad-mouthing other captions, but I have no evidence she’s not bad-mouthing captions either.
Kathryn McCullough
November 13, 2011
I hereby nominate Renee for the “Selfless Blogger Award.”
The Good Greatsby
November 13, 2011
That’s not a bad idea. It would be in my interests to create an award for people who act selflessly in promoting me.
pegoleg
November 15, 2011
WAIT a minute here, folks. I’m pretty darn selfless myself. Why, just the other day I was saying “Boy, lifeintheboomerlane and the other caption finalists did such a great job, that I am definitely NOT bad-mouthing their captions!”
georgettesullins
November 13, 2011
Is it an escalator that sometimes works? But then the speed at which you hit those stairs can fluc..tu…ate too. whew…I’m out of breath.
The Good Greatsby
November 13, 2011
That’s actually a really good explanation.
educlaytion
November 13, 2011
Yeah, I was thinking escalator. Or vibrating stairs like they have in amusement park fun houses. The beauty powder line is hilarious.
Paige Kellerman
November 13, 2011
I always apply a thick layer of Snake Gall Corn Body Powder before I go anywhere. And now that I’m done powdering up, it’s off to church with the family…
The Good Greatsby
November 14, 2011
Have you had any complaints that you wearing Snake Gall Corn Body Powder to church is distracting the other parishioners?
Glynis Sylvia
November 14, 2011
Only in certain Baptist churches.
John Erickson
November 13, 2011
I was wondering if it was a warning during times of earthquake. Though I’d be less worried about stair fluctuation, and more about building fluctuation!
gerknoop
November 13, 2011
Been watching “New Girl” with Zooey! She is so funny! I LOVE her. Also loved this clip of her on Letterman.
nursemyra
November 28, 2011
she’s a lovely talented girl. Maybe she should eat a cream cake occasionally
Glynis Sylvia
November 14, 2011
That needs to get an award for Most Inane Song of All Time ! Talk about words with no message! Talk about annoying and intrusive accompaniment ! AGHHH!! I want my three minutes back ! Listening to grass grow is more interesting than that musical masterpiece.
judithhb
November 14, 2011
Fluctuation – to rise and fall as if in waves. Thanks I’ll take the elevator.
The Good Greatsby
November 14, 2011
The elevator certainly seems less risky than a rising and falling staircase.
Emily Cannell
November 14, 2011
So its the stair fluctuations causing my imbalance- not the beer.
The Good Greatsby
November 14, 2011
I’ve been saying that to my wife for years. It’s not the beer, it’s the fluctuating sidewalk, staircase, little league baseball diamond, etc.
thesinglecell
November 14, 2011
I blame Harry Potter for these fluctuating stairs. Damned magic.
pegoleg
November 15, 2011
Ha ha! That’s just what I thought!
Angie Z.
November 14, 2011
The body powder is now first on my Christmas list. Good luck to my husband in finding that.
I can’t help but be reminded of my favorite ’80s commercial for Pearl Cream “made from fresh ground pearls.” Actual words: “Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to tell how old most Oriental women are? Our secret is pearl cream.” Then it showed Nancy Kwan in a bath of pearls. I hope the marketers of Snake Gall Corn Body Powder have the good sense not to follow that line of thinking.
Glynis Sylvia
November 14, 2011
I have questions. How exactly do you GET the Gall out of a snake? Do snakes have a lot of gall? Some sure have an attitude anyway. And the corn – is this another ingredient, or the affliction this powder is supposed to cure? And if it is a foot remedy, should we really be getting expert help from a creature biologically incapable of commiserating with that condition? If you ask me, squeezing a snake that hard to get out a product to help with problems caused by stiletto heels takes a lot of gall indeed.
flippingchannels
November 14, 2011
For some reason those fluctuation stairs really remind me of Portal…
Thomas Stazyk
November 14, 2011
I’m starting to think you are making this stuff up!
The Hook
November 19, 2011
Awesome shares!