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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »holidays«
5 Tips for Surviving Your Child’s Christmas Pageant
For those of you who don’t have children and are spending wild nights out on the town, parenting may not seem very exciting or glamorous, but, it isn’t. Although parenting has its rewards. I’ve heard. At least that’s what all the parenting books say. Not that I’ve read any parenting books, but my wife put […]
The Absolute Worst Things You Could Get on Halloween
October 26, 2012
Every kid who’s ever been trick-or-treating has made a mental list of the very worst things you can get on Halloween. Even if you’re an adult and haven’t been trick-or-treating in thirty years you still remember the neighbors who gave toothbrushes at Halloween. And that’s the only thing you remember about those neighbors because nobody […]
8 Activities for a Memorable Leap Day
February 29, 2012
#1 Go to a local bar and make friends with all the people celebrating a birthday. These new friends will quickly replace your old friends when you realize you only have to get them a birthday gift once every four years. (Note: I met my friend Arran for lunch to celebrate his leap year birthday, […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 3
February 14, 2012
This might surprise you, but I tend to joke around a lot with my kids. They rarely believe anything I say because I give parenting advice with the same straight face in which I give zombie-escape-route advice–all while wearing a smoking jacket and pretending to smoke a pipe. But I have given the kids a […]
Half-Hearted Valentine’s Day Cards
February 13, 2012
If I could go back in time 30 years and marry you all over again, I would in an instant… …but let me be clear I mean I’d marry the 25-year-old version of you, back when you could really rock a swimsuit. After 50 Valentine’s Days together, I realize more than ever that mere words […]
Effort-Reward Ratios of Christmas Dinner Attention-Getters
December 16, 2011
Christmas is just around the corner and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably looking forward to Christmas Dinner with your family and anticipating the time-honored tradition of competing to be the center of attention. Everyone will arrive with a gimmick–good news to share, a funny story, or an expertly-prepared dish–and you know you’ve got […]
Christmas Shopping Days are Numbered…and Named
December 1, 2011
Retailers know money is tight for shoppers this Christmas season and they hope some creative marketing will convince customers to spend money they don’t have. You’ve heard of Black Friday, the first official shopping day of the holiday season. You’ve heard of Cyber Monday, the Monday after Thanksgiving when online retailers offer their best sales. […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Greatsby’s Homemade Gift Ideas
November 30, 2011
Today’s seasonal question comes from She’s a Maineiac, who seeks suggestions for Christmas on a budget. Dear Good Greatsby, Money is tight this holiday season, yet my kids are still expecting lots of expensive gifts. I’ve been out exhaustively hunting for great deals, but I’m fresh out of pepper spray. How can I convice them […]
Reasons I Was Late to the Party
November 29, 2011
I have writing projects I work on each day and sometimes when I achieve a high level of concentration and get in a good writing rhythm and spend hours and hours alone, it can be hard to transition to normal human conversation when my wife enters my office and tells me we’re late for one […]
Economists Predict 2.8% More Christmas Cheer
November 28, 2011
The Christmas shopping season kicked off last Friday in America, a day known as Black Friday, either because it signals the day many retailers are first “in the black” and become profitable for the year, or because of all the black eyes and bruises as shoppers elbow and trample each other, racing to claim the […]
Turning Thanksgiving into Thanksreceiving
November 23, 2011
When your friends and family gather for Thanksgiving and list their blessings, make sure and remind everyone they should be especially thankful for you. Are You too Impressive? If you’re anything like me, you’re a tremendously impressive person, and part of what makes you impressive is your deep humility preventing you from bringing your accomplishments […]
Gobble, Gobble
November 22, 2011
For any international readers not familiar with American Thanksgiving, the simplest explanation is to think of it as a day when family gathers from far and wide to celebrate the great American tradition of overeating. Thanksgiving is a special day when hearts swell with gratitude…also with the symptoms of heart disease. Swelling of the stomach […]
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