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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Text Message Diaries: I Send My Wife Not So Breaking News
10:05AM Hey, babe, waiting to see chiropractor. Guess what? According to People magazine, Kristin Stewart & Rob Pattinson thinking about having baby 🙂  Know U R in meeting but thought you’d want to know. Have good feeling about those 2. Something tells me they’re gonna make it. 10:12AM Bad news: Rob & Kristin baby article […]
Posted in: Text Message Diaries
When are aliens going to report back to us with the results of all that anal probe research?
August 21, 2012
When are aliens going to report back to us with the results of all that anal probe research they’ve been doing? For decades humans have been the butt of jokes in this galaxy after reporting capture by aliens, claiming tests were conducted, and anal regions were probed. If these reports are true, it’s time to […]
Posted in: Columns
There’s No Such Thing as a Stupid Question, Except ‘What’s a Question?’
August 20, 2012
When you grow older some truisms and sayings seem to crumble under scrutiny. I remember teachers always saying, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Of course as an adult I’ve realized not only is there such thing as a stupid question, but in reality most questions turn out to be stupid. I now […]
Posted in: Family
Greatsby’s Presidential Endorsement Challenge
August 15, 2012
The American presidential race is in full swing and I know both campaigns are looking to The Good Greatsby to offer an endorsement and possibly change the momentum of the race. Because both campaigns are laboring to avoid talk of any actual issues so they can avoid being labelled as ‘standing for something’, I’m having […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Dear Good Greatsby: Babysitter or Baby Sicker
August 8, 2012
Today’s question comes from Heather at Beaches & Peaches. Heather: I have a baby, and yesterday the babysitter for this baby showed up very sick. How do you deal with this situation? I pretended to walk a block and then came back in the apartment and told her I’d acted too soon, and actually wasn’t […]
Posted in: Dear Good Greatsby
No Gay Foxes in the Chick-fil-A Henhouse
August 6, 2012
In the latest pretend controversy, sources tell me there aren’t any gay foxes allowed in the Chick-fil-A henhouse. I don’t have all the details because I try not to read the news and only overheard bits and pieces of the story from a neighboring restaurant table, but apparently the CEO of Chick-fil-A said something like […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
The Eligibile Bachelor Gods Giveth and They Taketh Away
July 30, 2012
Some people like to recite an affirmation as they look at themselves in the mirror each morning. Mrs. Greatsby likes to motivate herself by reading from a Post-It note pinned to the mirror listing the world’s most eligible bachelors. I don’t mind because I know whenever George Clooney is on the list she’ll do something […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Invite Me to Your Yachting Party
July 25, 2012
About once a year I’ll be out with friends at dinner and I’ll take a look around the table and realize: Paul, you could do a lot better than this crowd. But who is this better crowd? Where do they hang out? What kind of dinner jackets are they wearing this season so I can […]
Posted in: Columns
Mitt Romney Never Lies Down on the Jobs
July 20, 2012
Mitt Romney would like you to believe he’s the presidential candidate most qualified to create jobs. But in an exclusive interview, sources inside the Romney camp have revealed a dark side to Romney’s jobs plan: Yes, he has a plan to add hundreds of thousands of jobs. But, he plans to fill every one of […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Welcome to Hogwarts!
July 18, 2012
My eleven-year-old Optimist Prime is a huge Harry Potter fan, having finished the series for the fifth time just last week. If you’re familiar with the series, you know that eleven is the age Harry received a letter informing him he wasn’t an ordinary human (muggle) but was a wizard who had been accepted to […]
Posted in: Family
Make Your Own Summer Camp
July 16, 2012
My wife is traveling for a couple weeks and I’m searching for ideas to occupy the kids that don’t violate my wife’s list of forbidden activities: TV Video games Crime We wanted to send them to a summer camp but decided against it when we learned they cost money, and I’ve resorted to finding alternative […]
Posted in: Family
Summer Break is Breaking My Spirit
July 10, 2012
Well, we’re a month into the kids’ summer vacation and that means I’ve started 30 straight mornings asking the mirror why kids get a summer vacation. Why do kids get time off? They’re just going to forget half the stuff they learned during the previous year. They’ll waste at least a month of the new […]
Posted in: Family
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