My wife is traveling for a couple weeks and I’m searching for ideas to occupy the kids that don’t violate my wife’s list of forbidden activities:
We wanted to send them to a summer camp but decided against it when we learned they cost money, and I’ve resorted to finding alternative summer camp possibilities.
My friend and his partner were asking my advice about having kids because they weren’t sure they were ready, so I suggested they take my kids for two weeks as part of a summer camp to test whether or not they were the type of people who enjoy finding dishes under beds and constantly being interrupted.
They declined my generous offer but I haven’t give up. I’ve prepared the following ad to be placed in the local paper:
Are you a couple considering having kids but aren’t sure if you’re ready? Might you benefit from watching my kids for the next two weeks to test your readiness to be a parent?
All your potential parenting skills will be required as my kids test you with challenges such as offering enthusiastic approval of indecipherable artwork and pretending to be interested in scene-by-scene descriptions of video games.
If you’re worried about how you’ll entertain them for two weeks, set up a summer camp full of classic camp activities like art and crafts, sing-a-longs, and cleaning your apartment.
Take them for nature walks around your apartment as they water your plants.
Teach them about animals by allowing them to walk your dogs four times a day.
Have them hike to the corner grocery store and do all your shopping.
Teach them valuable work skills while they serve as waiters at your dinner party.
Roast marshmallows over the stove after they finish the after-dinner dishes.
Teach them about the environment and the importance of recycling as you instruct them to search the neighbor’s dumpster for valuables.
And most importantly, have fun.
And even more importantly, don’t call me with any questions.
Only serious inquiries will receive responses–unless I don’t receive any serious inquiries.