My eleven-year-old Optimist Prime is a 
huge Harry Potter fan, having finished the series for the fifth time just last week. If you’re familiar with the series, you know that eleven is the age Harry received a letter informing him he wasn’t an ordinary human (muggle) but was a wizard who had been accepted to attend the wizarding school Hogwarts.
My wife is traveling throughout Europe now, and I’ve asked if she can post the following letter from England:
HOGWARTS SCHOOL
of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
——-
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)
Dear Mr. Johnson,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Although your parents and brother are wizards, and we’ve learned you’re only a squibb of non-magical abilities, we still wanted you to feel included and are prepared to offer you a position on staff working in the kitchen and assisting Hagrid in maintenance of the grounds.
The hours will be long, but if you work hard you’ll be rewarded with the occasional excursion outside the castle–like the opportunity to watch your little brother play quidditch when he later attends Hogwarts.
Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
What do you think? Funny story he’ll be able to tell the rest of his life? Or too mean?
…..
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The Good Greatsby 
davidrothbauer
July 18, 2012
11? I was 23…and then my mom wouldn’t let me go. She sent me to ballet school as she always wanted a ballerina in the family.
The Good Greatsby
July 18, 2012
I’m 33 now but I would still go if Hogwarts sent me an invite.
Mahmoud
July 18, 2012
Dumbledore died, i dont know if it would be wise the letter coming from the ghost of dumbledore
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
I would never doubt Dumbledore.
The World Is My Cuttlefish
July 18, 2012
Better post your own Fluffy by your bedroom door as protection when he realises who sent it.
feelingchipper
July 18, 2012
Very cute, but a potentially soul destroying let down! Character building perhaps?
The Good Greatsby
July 18, 2012
Thank goodness ‘character-building experiences’ provide such broad cover for parents.
Jeyna Grace
July 18, 2012
Haha! Omgosh.. he would definitely be slightly confused..
prttynpnk
July 18, 2012
My parents truly believed that disappointment built character. Don’t forget seasonal cleaning of mythical animal pens.
joehoover
July 18, 2012
Yeah, send it. A lesson in adversity, he may think he ‘ll go and use his lack of non magical powers to his benfit, spurring him on to succedd despite this. Or you’ll crush his spirit forever.
joehoover
July 18, 2012
Terrible spelling mistake there, apologies
becomingcliche
July 18, 2012
Too mean. Wait until he’s 15. Then he may find it funny. Maybe not, though. I’m older than that, and I’m still waiting for my Hogwarts letter.
The Good Greatsby
July 18, 2012
But 11 is the year he’s supposed to get it; not sure it will have much impact at 15. We’ve already talked about the possibility of it coming this summer so I know it’s in the back of his mind.
mystudentstruggles
July 18, 2012
How gullible is he? Then again he may need proof you’re a wizard, better get learning some tricks 😉
The Good Greatsby
July 18, 2012
I do have a couple magic tricks in mind although you don’t hear much about Harry Potter wizards doing card and coin tricks.
mystudentstruggles
July 18, 2012
I think the Weasley twins use them to flirt with a muggle girl in one of the books?
List of X
July 18, 2012
Seriously? going to Hogwarts to hang out with Hagrid and house elves, seeing all kinds of magical animals and meeting wizards and witches, and so on? I don’t think Optimist Prime will take it as a disappointment you are counting on. On the other hand, when he hinds out you are are a wizard, and pressures you to do magic, and the best you can do is a card trick, then he’ll be in for a disappointment but not the one you are thinking of.
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
I’ve got one amazing trick planned and then I’ll never do magic again. I think I can convince him.
Diana Lark
July 18, 2012
Keep in mind that there are other magical schools besides Hogwarts. Maybe the ones in other countries have a different age? Maybe the American one starts at 12? It might be even better to let the suspense build for a year.
Audrey
July 18, 2012
Scar the poor squibb for life!
gemini232006
July 18, 2012
Aw too cute. Interesting Idea, I think it keeps the fun in reading for both adults and children
thelifeofjamie
July 18, 2012
I think working in the kitchen is a lot nicer than scrubbing toilets…so I guess it’s not too mean!
Hippie Cahier
July 18, 2012
You can add Quiddich practice to the list of camp activities!
clemarchives
July 18, 2012
That will be a funny story so I say do it, but have some ice cream ready in case he breaks down, weeping hysterically. I know of a few people who would react like that to that letter…
lexy3587
July 18, 2012
If he decides to go, will you actually stick him on a bus or something? That would probably be past the line of not-cool/traumatizing 😛
valerierlawson
July 18, 2012
oh! the heartbreak! depends on his sense of humor and his cardiac stability.
writerdood
July 19, 2012
Give it to him and act excited. “Son, I’m a WIZARD!”
J. Randall Stewart
July 19, 2012
I don’t know. J.R.R. Tolkien sent letters to his children as if from Father Christmas. It’s fine line between encouraging and abusing a child’d imagination. I suppose it depends on the child as well, and no one knows your child better than you (execpt maybe your wife and the C.I.A.). It’s up to you. If you think it will spurr on his imagination, go for it. If you think it will do damage, think twice.
Mental Wanderlust King
July 19, 2012
I would think the issue would be him wondering why, according to the letter, you’ve been holding out all your wizard abilities from him. If I had just found out that my entire family was magical, I would demand back pay on the huge amounts of childhood wonder that was wasted!
Margo Davies
July 19, 2012
Absolutely brilliant! I can only assume Errol (the Weasley’s owl) had to deliver mine and that’s why it’s nearly ten years late. However, as a fellow Potter-head, your son will probably wonder why the letter states that Prof. McGonagall is deputy-headmistress when she is currently the headmistress.
Evy
July 19, 2012
It’s just naughty, don’t you have anyone else to pick upon? Say, Mitt Romney’s tax returns, the heat wave, making a video journal of your wife thru Europe? Something not disturbing? Just say???
She's a Maineiac
July 19, 2012
Hmm…that’s a tough one…I think I’m gonna have to go with mean on this one, GG.
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
I know you enjoy teasing your kids just as much as I do, so I take your vote very seriously.
mistyslaws
July 19, 2012
Forget him . . . where the hell is MY letter?? I’ve been waiting all these years and nothing. Hmph.
Does he actually believe it is a real place versus understanding that what he is reading is fiction? Because if he thinks it is real, you might have a different problem on your hands all together. Oh, and would you let him out from under the stairs already? THAT is just mean!
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
He knows it’s fiction but there’s always a small part that secretly hopes it’s real.
EbonyQuill
July 19, 2012
If I were an eleven-year-old who had read the series five times, this would probably destroy me…. But more so if it came from McGonagall as headmistress, because I think that’s who took over at the conclusion of the 7th book.
Laura
July 19, 2012
It’s hilarious. Send it. Sure, you run the risk of completely crushing his spirit, but remember — you have another kid to fall back on if you accidentally destroy this one.
Open Eyes Open Lens
July 19, 2012
Do it! If nothing else, OP can always use it to one-up his friends. “Hey, what did you do this summer?” “I went to Cancun, you?” “Yeah, well I got accepted to Hogwarts. TAKE THAT!” (No need to mention the whole squib thing – some things are better left unsaid).
Rayna
July 19, 2012
Hey–it’s not like he’s gonna be a house elf!
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
At least a house elf still gets to use magic.
thesinglecell
July 19, 2012
Do it. He’s not 5. He doesn’t ACTUALLY think he’s a wizard. Or that you guys are. I mean, do you people even HAVE an owl?
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
We did buy an owl but it was terrible at delivering letters. Also terrible at coming back after we released it to fly the first time.
Kathryn McCullough
July 19, 2012
Don’t send it. While funny to some, it’s also mean, I’m afaid. I vote NO.
The Good Greatsby
July 19, 2012
That seems to be the overwhelming sentiment so far.
Aspiring Drummer
July 19, 2012
LOL! I agree with the poster above, he doesn’t actually think the Harry Potter world is real does he?! Although, one of my tenth grade students told me the other day that her 11th birthday was the worst ever because she sincerely believed that she would get a letter from Hogwarts and was crushed when she didn’t. I didn’t believe her at first because, seriously, isn’t 11 old enough to know better? But she was completely serious! So, hmm, depending on how real your son thinks the entire thing is, I’d hold off. But if he knows it’s not real, I’m sure it’d be an awesome experience.
Also, while you’re at it, please do send me one as well. There’s no danger of crushing MY spirit, I promise! 😛
melankooli
July 19, 2012
I think it’s a brilliant idea to send a letter but…In my opinion this would be heart breaking and probably only funny in hindsight because everyone else was laughing. Imagination is a golden place. My kid who is now 16 has read the series millions of times and would probably still take such a thing to heart…. I wouldn’t trample on that. But thats just me….
Alexa O
July 19, 2012
Send it! He’ll love it. And he’s not 5. He’s 11. He’ll get the sense of magic, and that moment of possibility, but he’ll also *know*. I think it’s great!
mymidlifemayhem
July 19, 2012
Love, love, love it! Part of your role as a parent is to scar them for life, toughen them up for the real world. I would have sent the letter telling him he didn’t make it – give him some real backbone!
The Good Greatsby
July 20, 2012
That’s what I keep thinking. It’s my job to make them cynical and emotionally dead before the world can.
mymidlifemayhem
July 20, 2012
Precisely. Dreams are for losers. Don’t give him Harry Potter, you need to manage their expectations.
pegoleg
July 19, 2012
Send it. But before you do, tell him he has to move under the stairs before the letter will come. This frees up a bedroom that you can rent out for extra income.
The Good Greatsby
July 20, 2012
I like the way you think. All the better if I can make a little money at the same time.
Pleun
July 20, 2012
I wouldn’t send it. Even though it is a funny joke to all of us (and I really think it is extremely funny), I am sure you will break his heart when he finds out YOU played that joke on him. And that might break your heart too!
The Good Greatsby
July 20, 2012
But did I mention we’d ask a friend to write it out in calligraphy so he wouldn’t be able to trace it back to us based on the handwriting?
Pleun
July 20, 2012
Ohhhh, but that changes everything! (I still wouldn’t send it though :-))
lynnettedobberpuhl
July 20, 2012
I would suspect that if he knows you at all…and I assume he does, having lived with you for fifteen years, that he will know you are responsible regardless of the calligraphy or the UK postmark. I predict he won’t be crushed, but WILL use many phallic terms as substitutes for the words “Dad,” or “Father,” when addressing you. Some ideas are funnier in the theoretical.
culturedhound
July 20, 2012
You should certainly top it off by giving him an owl for his birthday too. At least rent one for the day.
yetanotherutopian
July 20, 2012
lol 🙂 but better not take the risk of him getting pecked by an owl. besides hopefully your wife won’t agree 🙂
habibadanyal
July 20, 2012
If I were your kid, I would be heart broken to know that I am a Squib. Because when I read the first part back in 5th grade (aged11) I did secretly hope that my letter was on it’s way.
crazywritermsc
July 21, 2012
I would have LOVED to receive that letter, even if it means just caretaking work!
spilledinkguy
July 22, 2012
This comment is a horcurx.
Spectra
July 23, 2012
Send it by Owl and let him keep the owl as a housepet, and you’ll be fine.
quizzicalliasons
July 26, 2012
I suspect that at first your son won’t find this funny at all, but as he grows up he will see the funny side. Once he’s gotten over being only a squib and not a wizard like his parents and brother.This is the nice kind of mean, you can get away with this. It’s a story to tell any future partners and/or at his wedding 🙂
X
brownponytail
July 27, 2012
awesome idea, but super mean 😀
HoaiPhai
August 5, 2012
I’m confused… wasn’t hogwarts an STD that went around in the 1970s?
muddledmom
August 24, 2012
Brilliant. I can see my kid rationalizing this, “Yeah, I’m certainly not magical. Better take any chance I can to get to Hogwarts.” He’s already told me he would go if he got a letter. But he’s also a smart kid. Shucks, he’d figure it out.