No Gay Foxes in the Chick-fil-A Henhouse

Posted on August 6, 2012


In the latest pretend controversy, sources tell me there aren’t any gay foxes allowed in the Chick-fil-A henhouse.

I don’t have all the details because I try not to read the news and only overheard bits and pieces of the story from a neighboring restaurant table, but apparently the CEO of Chick-fil-A said something like gays don’t like chicken or maybe shouldn’t be allowed to eat chicken or maybe can’t cook chicken near as well as heterosexuals. Apparently, chicken is a very straight meat.

I can imagine the headline:

Chicken Breast CEO Beats Breast Over Men Who Loathe Breasts

Then gay activists organized a boycott of Chick-fil-A demanding the CEO agree gays should be allowed to grill, fry, or Shake n’ Bake any chicken of their choosing, regardless of the chicken’s gender or sexual orientation.

Gays Boycott CEO After Call for Boycott of Boys Sharing Cots

But the boycott failed to take wing and cost Chick-fil-A very little in the way of chicken feed:

Gays Chicken Out as Paltry Poultry Boycott Disappoints

As a matter of fact, the calls for a boycott resulted in much stronger calls from Christian groups for a Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day.

Christians Who Like Chicken Oppose Chicks Who Like Chicks

Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day helped the company set an all-time sales record, and it’s inspiring to see what Americans can do when they decide to take action and rally around a really, really, really unimportant cause like donating tens of millions to a multi-billion dollar fast food restaurant. Now that we’ve crossed supporting Chick-fil-A off our list of causes, let’s use those same organizational skills and sense of unity to tackle that pesky energy crisis that’s been on our list since 1973, or at the very least prevent Vin Diesel from making any more movies.

I hope we don’t have to do a Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day every year because it will only be a matter of time before mothers feel slighted at receiving the exact same number of appreciation days as a chicken franchise and Mother’s Day will expand to Mother’s Weekend.

Chick-fil-A’s stance has won so much publicity and new business, it won’t be long before other fast food restaurants follow suit.

Burger King Not Burger Queens

McDonald’s in McFlurry to McMake Ronald McDonald Less McFlamboyant

KFC Cries Fowl Over Claims Colonel Sanders Hid More Behind the Mustache than Just the Secret Recipe

Subway CEO: Gays Should Eat Fresh, Not Get Fresh

Following Chick-fil-A Controversy, Jack Delays Plans to Come Out of the Box

In defense of the CEO, I’ve been to numerous dinner parties thrown by gay friends and not even once did they serve chicken. Suspicious? Maybe. Enough evidence to draw a broad conclusion? Definitely.

In defense of the gay point of view, it does seems hypocritical of the CEO to take any stance on gay issues when the rooster seems like an especially gay bird.


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