Browsing All posts tagged under »Mitt Romney«

The Presidential Debate on Mute

October 17, 2012


I didn’t watch last night’s presidential debate, or the previous presidential debate, but I did make the minimal effort to stay informed by reviewing pictures from the debates. The pictures allow me to imagine my own version of how I wish the debates had gone, and you’d be surprised how much more positive you feel […]

Prelude to Five People Asking for Hand Sanitizer

October 5, 2012


Are you new? Something about you seems different than the people who normally work here. I can honestly say, of all the presidential candidates I’ve ever met, you’re the first. Please tell me I’m not the only one who can see this guy. Is it just me or did a rich, white guy just appear? […]

Presidential Campaigns: ‘Lower Your Expectations’ Voters: ‘Our Expectations Were Already Pretty Low’

October 3, 2012


The first presidential debate is scheduled for tonight and Americans everywhere are anxiously looking forward to not watching. After they finish not watching the debates, they’ll appease their civic guilt by checking the news for coverage of the debates so media pundits can tell them who won, similar to checking a sports score. Crowning the […]

Greatsby’s Presidential Endorsement Challenge

August 15, 2012


The American presidential race is in full swing and I know both campaigns are looking to The Good Greatsby to offer an endorsement and possibly change the momentum of the race. Because both campaigns are laboring to avoid talk of any actual issues so they can avoid being labelled as ‘standing for something’, I’m having […]

Mitt Romney Never Lies Down on the Jobs

July 20, 2012


Mitt Romney would like you to believe he’s the presidential candidate most qualified to create jobs. But in an exclusive interview, sources inside the Romney camp have revealed a dark side to Romney’s jobs plan: Yes, he has a plan to add hundreds of thousands of jobs. But, he plans to fill every one of […]

Hey, Mitt, Make Me Your VP

May 9, 2012


Dear Mitt Romney, I hear you might be looking for a vice president. Allow me to suggest the following potential candidates: 1. Steve Jobs’ ghost–I know some intolerant Americans may complain about a ghost occupying such a high office, especially because ghosts don’t pay taxes, but Jobs might be the one ghost everyone could get behind […]

Complete and Utter Rubbish!

March 9, 2012


Optimist Prime has always been a bit wise for a ten-year-old, and his seeming wisdom has only increased now that he’s chosen to permanently speak in a British accent. He’s been trying it out here and there with an occasional “That’s bloody brilliant” or “And I said rubbish! Complete and utter rubbish!” but this last […]

Super Tuesday Founding Fathers Super Trivia

March 6, 2012


Today is Super Tuesday in America when Republicans will hold their largest primary. Excitement is high as Republicans hope that after three years of campaigning, fundraising, rallying, and spending hundreds of millions of dollars, they can finally settle on a candidate nobody is excited about. For international readers who may not be familiar with America’s […]

Trump Endorses Romney, May Sway Multimillionaire Blowhard Voting Bloc

February 7, 2012


Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney for President really shouldn’t be much of a surprise considering the startling similarities between the two men. Excerpts from Trump’s endorsement: “I actually offered my endorsement to all the candidates but Romney was the only one who would agree to accept the endorsement while standing behind a lectern with […]

America Moons Over 51st State

February 1, 2012


Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has proposed establishing a space colony on the moon by 2020, and has even gone so far as to suggest the Moon could become America’s 51st state. His chief opponent Mitt Romney dismissed the idea as a transparent ploy to capitalize on the Moon’s lower gravity in hopes of artificially […]

Rick Perry Death Stare Fails to Intimidate Voters

October 21, 2011


Texas has always been different than the rest of the United States, a lesson being learned by Texas Governor Rick Perry as he runs for the Republican Presidential nomination.  Perry enjoyed great success ruling Texas with an iron fist on a simple platform of physical intimidation. Texans didn’t bat an eye when Perry signaled the […]

Republicans Scramble to Defuse High-Five-Gate Controversy

October 15, 2011


Once again the Republican party is scrambling to shake off charges of elitism after a new scandal threatens attempts to appeal to the common man before the 2012 election. For years reporters have been asking multimillionaire Republicans ‘Gotcha’ questions to put them on the spot and prove they don’t understand the plight of average Americans.  […]