Greatsby’s Presidential Endorsement Challenge

Posted on August 15, 2012


The American presidential race is in full swing and I know both campaigns are looking to The Good Greatsby to offer an endorsement and possibly change the momentum of the race. Because both campaigns are laboring to avoid talk of any actual issues so they can avoid being labelled as ‘standing for something’, I’m having a hard time deciding whom to endorse. I won’t be able to make a decision until the two candidates respond to a list of questions relating to the issues most important to me:

If all of your coolest friends were attacking Russia, would you order an attack on Russia–just to fit in?

What is a Higgs boson? Can you explain the scientific principles behind the Higgs boson in a way simple enough for me to understand how to explain it in a complicated way that people won’t understand?

If the White House were on fire and you only had time to save your wife or the Constitution or Emmanuel Lewis–adorable child star of television’s Webster, which one would you choose?

Why was the White House on fire? Is there something you were trying to hide?

If you could have lunch with any superhero–alive or dead–who would you choose?

Vin Diesel: Yes or no?

Is a constitutional amendment preventing Vin Diesel from ruining any more movies an over-extension of federal power or an appropriate means of protecting the public interest?

If a constitutional amendment banning Vin Diesel is approved, can I be present when you give him the news?

If you could have one superhero power, either the power to fly or the power to always pick the ripest produce, which would you choose?

Which of the Twilight books was your favorite?

Also, why were you reading the Twilight books?

Should Robert Pattinson give Kristen Stewart a second chance after she was caught cheating?

If you answered either yes or no, doesn’t the President of the United States have more pressing concerns on his mind than whether Robert Pattinson should give Kristen Stewart another chance?