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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Scenes from the Shanghai Zoo
Today is a holiday for most people in China, and here are some things observed among the swarms of visitors at the Shanghai Zoo that you might find different than your local zoo: Chinese people take more pictures of the white foreigners than they do the animals, yet foreigners receive no zoo entry discount. The […]
Posted in: Columns
Tax to the Max
October 3, 2011
Much of today’s debate in American politics centers around the battle to meet budget obligations. Obama would like to raise taxes on the very rich and close some tax loopholes while Republicans insist raising taxes is out of the question. I’d like to suggest some taxes I think both parties can get behind: A tax […]
Posted in: Columns
Chinglish Smart Size
October 2, 2011
I took both pictures of these contraceptives at a shop on my street here in Shanghai: Come on, guys, no matter how confident you are, do you really want to use a condom with the name brand ‘retard’? It’s a tough choice if I have to decide between the ‘large size’ and the ‘smart size’. […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Saturday Mimosa
October 1, 2011
My seven-year-old, The Fonz, was telling my wife the sound he hated to hear above all others was the sound of scratchy markers. My wife said there were lots of other things people hated to hear, and The Fonz replied, “You mean like, ‘I don’t love you. I love him,’ or ‘I want a divorce’?” […]
Posted in: Columns
Demi Moore Seeks Divorce After Ashton Kutcher Caught Cheating Past His Bedtime
September 30, 2011
World leaders across the globe cancelled government business as planet Earth awaits news of whether Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore will split up. Barack Obama plans to address the nation this evening to discuss signs the couple may be calling it quits, including reports Ashton was caught cheating last weekend during his sixth year wedding […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
My Fantasy Baseball Victory
September 29, 2011
The baseball regular season is over and with the conclusion of the season comes the end of my fantasy baseball league of which I am the winner. Congratulations are in order, and don’t listen to any naysayers who claim my victory comes with an asterisk because half of the teams in my league were managed […]
Posted in: Columns
Dear Good Greatsby: Help! I Was Born With a Siamese Nostril!
September 28, 2011
Today’s question comes from HoaiPhai, who sent me a question during pollen season regarding pollen season. Although pollen season has probably passed (I can’t say for sure because I can’t find pollen season on any official calendar and until I experience hay fever I have to say it certainly sounds like an old wives’ tale), […]
Posted in: Dear Good Greatsby
Obama Reels in Big, Bigger, Biggest Fish
September 27, 2011
A new fish story controversy has bit the Obama administration at a time the President is already reeling from low poll numbers before next year’s election. The scandal started innocently enough when the White House released a photo from Obama’s summer vacation–supposedly an action shot of Obama catching a ‘big’ fish. Obama returned from vacation […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
One Man’s Space Junk is Another Man’s NASA Lawsuit Treasure
September 26, 2011
I spent much of the past week searching the heavens, baseball mitt in hand, hoping to catch a piece of the falling NASA Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite. The falling satellite had garnered worldwide interest the past few weeks as the public speculated where it would land, and I was disappointed to learn the UARS ultimately […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Chinglish Cheers
September 25, 2011
You may not find this sign very funny at first glance: “CHEER! CHEESE Cheese Cake Factory” But does the sign become funnier when you learn this store sells neither cheese nor cheesecake? My wife loves cheesecake and we both love cheese, so you can imagine our excitement when this store first opened near our house, […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Saturday Scoop
September 24, 2011
The last couple weeks, The Fonz has been especially interested in the tooth fairy. As a parent I always worried about the day the kids would start seeing holes in the tooth fairy’s story because adults have done such a poor job establishing the tooth fairy legend. Why do we spend so much time establishing […]
Posted in: Columns
Obama to Mongolia: Talk to the Hand!
September 23, 2011
Perhaps you’ve seen this photo of Obama blocking the face of Mongolia’s President Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj in a world leader group picture during a UN summit: Obama has been ridiculed in the media, but you can’t trust reporters have given us the whole story. They saw a funny picture and immediately assumed Obama had made a […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
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