Saturday Scoop

Posted on September 24, 2011


The last couple weeks, The Fonz has been especially interested in the tooth fairy.  As a parent I always worried about the day the kids would start seeing holes in the tooth fairy’s story because adults have done such a poor job establishing the tooth fairy legend.  Why do we spend so much time establishing an intricate web of lies to support the Santa Claus story while giving no thought to having the Tooth Fairy’s back?  Once kids take the Tooth Fairy down, it won’t be long before they set their sights on Santa.

A fairy comes and gives kids money for teeth?  What’s her motivation?  The kids don’t have to be good, right?  Where does she live?  What explains her undeniably creepy obsession with children’s teeth?  Can you imagine the creepiness of a giant vault full of children’s teeth?  Why don’t adults get money when teeth get knocked out in a bar fight?

When The Fonz asked why she wants our teeth, Optimist Prime told him she collects children’s teeth as replacements for old ladies’ teeth.  When The Fonz asked me if this was true, I had to shrug because it seemed as good an answer as any, and OP reads four books a week and is usually pretty reliable.

He also offered the insight, “I know why they chose a fairy.  Because a dragon would be too big.”


A teacher at The Fonz’s school told me she approached him in the library where he sat wearing a cape and reading a book.  The Fonz remarked, “Isn’t it so funny that vampires read?”

At first I laughed, but then I remembered this couldn’t be true because if vampires could read they’d probably have better jobs and wouldn’t have to turn to a life of vampiring.  I’d complain to the librarian about the books he’s reading in the library but I’m married to the librarian.


Only one day left to vote in the caption contest.  And just to be clear, that one day is today.


If you’re visiting my site because a search engine told you I was an expert on Obama and Mongolia, I hate to disappoint you but I’m only an expert on Obama blocking President Elbegdorj’s face in a picture.  I received about 100 “Obama + Mongolia” search terms so far today.  If this trend continues, I plan to write exclusively about Obama and Mongolia, similar to my plans to write exclusively about Princess Beatrice’s fascinator earlier this summer.

Posted in: Columns