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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Three Cheers for Sports! Sports! Sports!
In the distant, post-apocalyptic future, when the children of our Kardash-a-tron humanoid replacements are assigned book reports on the ancient Americans and tasked with explaining our customs, rituals, and celebrations, the very first chapter will be titled: The Super Bowl. I love the Super Bowl and its ability to unite Americans behind a love of […]
Posted in: sports
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 2
February 2, 2012
Many readers have been on the edge of their seats waiting for an update on my seven-year-old’s love life. When I say ‘many readers,’ I can’t think of any specific examples, but I’m assuming single men willing to try anything, in particular, are curious whether The Fonz’s non-sequiturs and cape-wearing might actually work. (Read the […]
Posted in: Family
America Moons Over 51st State
February 1, 2012
Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has proposed establishing a space colony on the moon by 2020, and has even gone so far as to suggest the Moon could become America’s 51st state. His chief opponent Mitt Romney dismissed the idea as a transparent ploy to capitalize on the Moon’s lower gravity in hopes of artificially […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
15 Things About Australia You Won’t Read in Lonely Planet
January 31, 2012
Read Part 1 first: How Are You Going, Australia Day? A couple years ago we spent three weeks in Australia criss-crossing the Eastern coast as we stopped in on multiple friends who had returned from Shanghai. If I had been a kid in school assigned to write a report on my vacation, I would have […]
Posted in: Travel
How Are You Going, Australia Day?
January 30, 2012
How are you going? That’s Australian for ‘How are you doing?’ If you didn’t know how to answer that question before my explanation, then you share something in common with my wife who responded, “I don’t know how to answer that,” the first time she was greeted by her now best friend. How could I […]
Posted in: Travel
Date Night with the Greatsbys
January 27, 2012
The Fonz and Optimist Prime spent the evening at a dinner party with some of their friends. Actually, the party was described as a movie night, but I prefer to think this was a cover for their higher-brow plans to discuss this month’s New Yorker and the finer points of tying a cravat. Hopefully once […]
Posted in: Family
Failed New Year’s Resolutions’ Solutions
January 26, 2012
The end of January is fast approaching and it’s time to measure the progress of your new year’s resolutions and make a list of people who heard you proudly proclaim those ambitious goals on New Year’s Eve–so you can be sure and avoid them. Or if avoidance isn’t your forte, either because you’re humble enough […]
Posted in: Columns
Boredom-Busting Board Games for Kids
January 25, 2012
The Fonz and Optimist Prime are always making up new games. They spend hours and hours discussing the rules, coloring and cutting out game boards and game pieces, telling their dad this will be the greatest game ever, and arguing over which one of them contributed 51% or more to the idea and deserves to […]
Posted in: Family
Obama Announces New American Enemies List
January 24, 2012
Tonight President Obama delivers his State of the Union address and hopes to use the occasion to remind Americans of his successes, announce new initiatives, and try and counter Republican accusations of being a socialist-loving, religion-hating, baby-biting vampire. It’s likely Obama will claim the killing of Osama Bin Laden as one of the previous year’s […]
Posted in: Columns
Weekend Silent Sampler
January 21, 2012
On Wednesday Optimist Prime took a vow of silence. He was reading a book about a girl with disabilities who couldn’t speak and he wanted to understand what that was like. I wonder if the girl in the story had a little brother like The Fonz who begged her to talk the entire time. If […]
Posted in: Columns
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree
January 20, 2012
In last Saturday’s post I shared the story of The Fonz returning from Christmas break and discovering a new Italian girl enrolled in the second grade. Her addition to the second grade seemed to coincide with The Fonz asking me a lot of questions about girls and what age people start dating. I explained the […]
Posted in: Family
When the Ship Goes Down, the Captain’s Nowhere to be Found
January 19, 2012
You’re probably familiar with the story of the cruise ship crashing into rocks near the coast of a small Italian village. The captain has drawn fire for apparently deviating from the planned course in an attempt to come closer to shore, possibly to try and give a friend high-five while passing. The comedy of errors […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
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