In the distant, post-apocalyptic future, when the children of our Kardash-a-tron humanoid replacements are assigned book reports on the ancient Americans and tasked with explaining our customs, rituals, and celebrations, the very first chapter will be titled: The Super Bowl.
I love the Super Bowl and its ability to unite Americans behind a love of violent sports and beer commercials. I love gathering with a sports crowd and sharing that feeling of momentum and destiny as we chant to support our team. The urge to join in a good chant can be almost irresistible, regardless of whether the chant makes any sense.
This is why I’ve taught my sons they can deflect most criticism in life by interrupting their accuser with the chant, “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!”
The police officer will impulsively join in the chant until the spirit of camaraderie washes over him and causes him to forget to read your rights, thus invalidating your confession in a court of law. Of course, the “USA!” chant only deflects criticism if your accuser is an American. If you try and use it on other nationalities, you’re likely to earn more criticism.
In the spirit of testing my theories on crowd mentality, I’ve made a habit of trying to get the crowd to chant ironic or meaningless phrases with me in sports bars and at sporting events. The following chants were my least successful attempts and did not work in any way, shape, or form:
“Sports! Sports! Sports! Sports! C’mon, everybody! Who loves sports? Sports! Sports! Sports! If you’re not chanting with me, it’s like saying you don’t like sports! Sports! Sports! Sports! Why isn’t anyone chanting? You know who loves sports? Our soldiers overseas protecting our freedom! ‘Sports’ on the count of three if you love freedom! One! Two! Three! Sports! Sports! Sports! C’mon!”
“Three cheers for sportsmanship! Sports-man-ship! Sports-man-ship! Sports-man-ship! C’mon, everybody! Three cheers for sportsmanship! Sports-man-ship! Sports-man-ship! Why isn’t anyone joining in? How about two cheers for sportsmanship? Who wants a good, clean game? Sports-man-ship! Sports-man-ship!”
(My fantasy football team is always named Team Sportsmanship. When the league gathers to watch football together, if I can get them to start chanting ‘sports-man-ship,’ it’s kind of like they’re all cheering for my team, and isn’t that what sportsmanship is all about?)
“Who made this dip? It’s awesome! I can’t believe spinach and artichoke would work together. Chips and dip are the best, right? Hey, everybody! Chips and dip! Chips and dip! Who loves dip? It can be any kind of dip! Guacamole! French onion! Follow my lead! Chips and dip! Chips and dip!”
All joking aside, chips and dip are pretty good. Maybe we should show our appreciation for chips and dip with a cheer.
I hope readers will support my crowd mentality studies by joining in on an experiment. Would all readers watching the Super Bowl be willing to join in on a chant? At the 2:00 warning near the end of the 4th quarter, wherever you are would you please stand and start chanting, “thegoodgreatsby.com! thegoodgreatsby.com! thegoodgreatsby.com!”
If you’re going to actually be at the Super Bowl, holding up a sign for the camera reading http://www.thegoodgreatsby.com would also be acceptable.
The Good Greatsby 
Life in the Boomer Lane
February 3, 2012
I really believe that love of sports is hardwired into most males. There were pobably pick up games going on way back in which people divided themselves into Team Mammoth and Team Mastodon. That might have been the start of performance-enhancing drugs, as well. And chip and dip.
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
Scientists are still debating whether chips and dip or sports came first. It’s kind of a chicken or the egg philosophical debate.
She's a Maineiac
February 3, 2012
You’ve got it. I can have my husband chant “Beer! Beer! Beer!” at the same time as I chant “thegoodgreatsby.com”! because by then we’ll both be tanked and the Pats will be losing.
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
Getting a crowd to chant “Beer! Beer! Beer! has actually been one of my chanting successes.
Snoring Dog Studio
February 3, 2012
I’m sorry. I can’t be over there with you yelling the chant. I hate football, but if I do go to the one Super Bowl party I got invited to, I’ll be over at the buffet table stuffing my mouth with chips and dip and Bologna Rollups.
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
You say you hate football, but how do you feel about chanting? Have you considered attending football games and only focusing on chanting?
Snoring Dog Studio
February 4, 2012
Can I chant with food in my mouth? Cuz that’s how I’d be rollin.
susielindau
February 3, 2012
I will have to decide which chant to use: “thegoodgreatsby” or “USA….” It’ll be a coin toss!
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
I would choose self-interest over patriotism every time, just in case that helps you make a decision.
Lenore Diane
February 3, 2012
Wait. There’s a game on this weekend? Who’s playing?
Fine. I’ll chant. But, you better share that awesome dip.
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
I think the Yankees and the Pistons are playing.
Lenore Diane
February 4, 2012
Swing! Nothing but net.
becomingcliche
February 3, 2012
I usually try to get a wave started, myself. But my friends think that I perhaps sat on a tack.
The Good Greatsby
February 4, 2012
Just like a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, a wave of thousands circling a stadium begins with a single fan. Don’t let others discourage you just because they lack your vision.
sportsjim81
February 3, 2012
So you didn’t pay for a 30 second spot during the big game where someone simply holds up a sign with your blog address the whole time?
Speaking of the Super Bowl; if you are like me, you are probably not interested in the two playing as one of them ended your season one game short of the Super Bowl, coughPatriotscough! Anyway, I’ve devised a drinking game to keep you fully intoxicated and drowning in your sorrows from pregame to pass-out. Here’s the link, check it out!
http://sportsjim81.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/the-official-super-bowl-xlvi-drinking-game/
Jackie Cangro
February 3, 2012
If you do decide to go for that commercial, be sure to include a talking baby, talking dog, and something related to Star Wars. I’m sure you can fit that all in 30 seconds.
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
I’m all up for a drinking game but the Super Bowl starts at 7:00AM here so we might be downing shots of coffee instead.
joehoover
February 3, 2012
Not knowing about USA football, I’m happy to chant something else. I may be in bed asleep when it’s on though, but I am in Picadilly Circus Saturday night so could strip naked and climb up Eros and chant anything on request, it may not make the news but someone may end up filming it and putting it on youtube.
The Good Greatsby
February 4, 2012
I heard just about every square inch of London is covered by surveillance cameras so I think the chances are pretty good.
jasperwrites
February 3, 2012
Can’t believe linking your chants to the troops didn’t work, I’d have tried the exact same thing.
The Good Greatsby
February 3, 2012
I always resort to claiming the troops are on my side any time I’m losing an argument.
thelifeofjamie
February 3, 2012
Sorry. Can’t help. My husband picked up a shift at work and I don’t have to watch! Yeeeeeeeee-haw!
The Good Greatsby
February 4, 2012
But how will you know what soda and beer to drink if you don’t watch the Super Bowl commercials?
thelifeofjamie
February 5, 2012
I don’t drink soda and I am a Coors Light/Michelob Ultra girl…no commercial with horses or cute puppies can sway me into drinking that budweiser swill
little blog of happy
February 4, 2012
Give me a “C”! Give me an “H”! Give me an “I”! Give me a “P”! Give me an “S”!
What’s that spell!
CHIPS! Yum!
(Although I actually prefer the dip. The chips are just a carrier for the dip. But that would make for a really long chant, and keep me away from the dip bowl for too long…….).
Go, Greatsby, Go!
sweetmother
February 4, 2012
you had me at Kardash-a-tron.
Hippie Cahier
February 4, 2012
My sign will read: THEGOODGREATSBY.COM3:16.
I don’t think those Colts fans in that first photo quite get the hang of The Wave.
pattisj
February 4, 2012
The Super Bowl tickets you bought me haven’t arrived yet, but I have the sign ready.
El Guapo
February 4, 2012
going to watch the game just to see if anyone holds up the sign!
monicastangledweb
February 4, 2012
Sounds like a plan. Only, I will do you one better. I’ll start chanting it when Madonna takes the stage at halftime.
Btw, did you get my follow-up email?
thesinglecell
February 5, 2012
I love football. I love chips and dip. I could totally get behind that chant. I might even do it tomorrow. During the game. While I’m at work. Why am I always the one who’s supposed to bring the food, anyway?
Dana
February 8, 2012
“Jump! Jump! Jump!” seems to work well as a meaningless chant. House of Pain knew what they were talking about in the early 90s after all…
Hannah Miller
February 9, 2012
Check out this ad that a Michigan senator ran during the superbowl on one of the local spots. The video is embedded in the article. I think Shanghaiist also ran a story about it. Ra-cism! Expl-oi-ta-tion! Ig-no-rance! Also chants one might here at the superbowl. Yay America.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/pete-hoekstras-ad-raises-ire-in-china–and-a-sense-of-deja-vu/2012/02/08/gIQAayn1yQ_blog.html
The Good Greatsby
February 10, 2012
You’d be a hit at any Super Bowl party here in Shanghai, although I’m not sure they’d appreciate those chants on your side of the pond.