
On Wednesday Optimist Prime took a vow of silence. He was reading a book about a girl with disabilities who couldn’t speak and he wanted to understand what that was like. I wonder if the girl in the story had a little brother like The Fonz who begged her to talk the entire time. If we had to pick one of our two sons to take a vow of silence, I’m not saying whom we’d choose, but it wouldn’t be OP. We couldn’t understand why The Fonz wanted OP to speak so badly since he usually does 90% of the talking at our house. You’d think he’d appreciate a slight decrease in competition, but I guess he appreciates an occasional ‘Yup’ or ‘Uh-huh’ from OP as confirmation his audience is still awake.
The Fonz kept writing notes to OP, begging him to speak. Eventually he wrote my wife a note reading:
Nobody listens to me. Nobody cares about me.
My wife smelled a scheme and asked, “Is that how you really feel?”
He wrote:
Nobody likes me. I’d feel better if somebody gave me $20.
…..
When we flew to South Korea, Korean Airlines gave both our sons a plush toy airplane. It’s been a while since either of them played with a stuffed animal, and they may have forgotten how dangerous plush toys can be; that’s why I was grateful the back of the package included these cautions:
I think the caution is suggesting a connection between the lines ‘Do not bind out the string on the finger’ and ‘It will cause unexpected blood circulation interruption,’ but I can’t be sure. Is it possible the lines aren’t connected and the caution is guaranteeing the toy will automatically cause ‘unexpected blood circulation interruption’? If that’s the case, I say no thanks. Sure, kids can be difficult on a plane, but cutting off their blood circulation is probably too far.
The boys can find a way to make just about any toy ‘violent and rough’ or run their toys ‘into an other people or live animal,’ so these warnings were appreciated.
…..
It’s been said comedy is tragedy plus time. Perhaps consideration of this definition is what makes me feel so guilty about finding comedy in the story of that Italian captain even though the tragedy is still unfolding.
In Thursday’s post I listed his comedy of errors, culminating in his claim that he tripped and fell into a lifeboat and had no way of getting back onto the ship. Since that time it has also been reported he may have continued dining with a female friend in the moments after the crash, he instructed his crew to lie to the Coast Guard and insist the problems were only electrical for the first thirty minutes, and then after he tripped into a lifeboat and rowed ashore after the evacuation had only just begun, he called a taxi and left. It’s like he’s trying out for broad comedy villain in a James Bond parody.
…..
One day left to vote in the caption contest. If you don’t vote in the caption contest, it’s kind of like saying you disagree with democracy.
nancyfrancis
January 21, 2012
I feel like the Captain would be great fodder for Whose Line is it Anyway.
Also, my roommate has had a recurring infection of the naughtily transmitted variety – and after about his fourth round of collecting antibiotics from the same doctor they gave him a plush toy of the bacteria. Pretty sure this was meant to act as more of a reminder, but he claims it as a prize.
Little boys never grow up 😉
The Good Greatsby
January 22, 2012
I’m sure every girl will be thrilled to visit his bedroom and find a plush toy in the shape of the bacteria she’s about to get.
artjen1971
January 21, 2012
I have that one child that talks CONSTANTLY! Many MANY times a day I secretly pray that he will take a vow of silence before I force him to be silent! 🙂
Glynis Sylvia
January 22, 2012
Is duct tape illegal in your state?
Snoring Dog Studio
January 21, 2012
I’m stealing that idea from the Fonz and using it at work.
Don’t apologize for creating comedy around the cruise ship disaster. Holding back your laughter could damage one’s health. How can we NOT laugh? It’s an Italian farce. We’re supposed to laugh!
The Good Greatsby
January 22, 2012
What would we do without the Italians to make us laugh and feel far more competent than we probably deserve?
susielindau
January 21, 2012
I think my vow of silence would last about 1 hour and I am alone most of the day! Yes, I talk to myself all the time….
I wonder what kind of warnings they put on silverware?
Glynis Sylvia
January 21, 2012
What was the title of that book ? Parents everywhere want to know !!
The Good Greatsby
January 22, 2012
I’ll have to ask OP now that he’s talking again. I’m hoping it’s something The Fonz is old enough to be forced to read.
madtante
January 21, 2012
I’d rather have $20 than readers who don’t comment.
educlaytion
January 21, 2012
With toy warnings like that blog posts write themselves eh?!
Glynis Sylvia
January 22, 2012
Personally, I think that’s the real reason Greatsby is living in China – all that Chinglish as blog fodder !
The Byronic Man
January 21, 2012
You really can’t be totally sure that The Fonz isn’t still talking in that photo. He could just be talking in bubbles to see if they’ll float to the surface and pop with his sentences coming out of them
pattisj
January 22, 2012
My thoughts exactly!
The Good Greatsby
January 22, 2012
It’s true he’s tried to talk to me underwater before.
pegoleg
January 22, 2012
Abandoning my usual smart-alecitude for just a moment, it’s very touching that OP would choose to walk a mile in her shoes in such a concrete, and rather difficult way so he could really understand what the girl in the story experienced. That shows real depth of feeling in him – you must be very proud.
Rachael Black
January 22, 2012
Feel this post. Oh yeah. Have an only child. As soon as she began to talk it never ceased. Oh the hours (probably translated into year(s) now that I would have traded a kidney for 5 minutes of silence.
Proof: She recently spent a few weeks home during semester break at college. Could hear her talking far into the night. From her bedroom in the back of the house.
In her sleep.
May try tucking that $20.00 under her pillow next time…
Glynis Sylvia
January 22, 2012
I have 2 sons. First of all, that calculates out to only half the prattle of your single girl, so I barely have the right to complain, right? But one of them was a highly gifted (intellectually) kid. It wasn’t so much the endless talking as him forcing ME into endless talking with in-depth explanations to every WhyWhyWHY WHYYYYY !!!!
And I once caught him practicing math facts out loud in his sleep !!
Rachael Black
January 29, 2012
Glynis: we have to hook these to kids up. Mine just started her Sophomore year; after only one semester as a freshman.
Oh I KNOW the feeling of the hour plus conversations that STILL take place -now on the phone as she is at SFSU- with the in-depth convos.
Alcohol and/or Therapy help us all!
Laura
January 22, 2012
When I first looked at that first picture (the cropped version at the top of the page), I thought The Fonz’s hair was a turtle.
I’m glad the “materials” section of the label was so specific. Here’s a crazy coincidence — the body of the toy is made of fabric, and so are the clothes I’m wearing today!
The Good Greatsby
January 22, 2012
You should be extremely cautious about your blood circulation today, just in case there’s any connection between the fabric of the toy and the fabric of the clothes.
pattisj
January 22, 2012
I’d feel better is somebody gave me $20, too. But please don’t feel limited to that amount. I’m with pegoleg, in regard to his empathy. Or is it the performer that runs in the family preparing for a role?
edrevets
January 22, 2012
I do disagree with democracy, and caption contests. In a perfect world neither would exist.
Also, I just wanted to say that plush toys can also cause expected blood circulation interruptions which are not entirely unpleasant.
Spectra
January 22, 2012
I’m a little concerned at the level of OP’s dignity; he may never experience the joys of administering an atomic wedgy…
Binky
January 23, 2012
Plush toys are a lot more dangerous than I thought. I don’t think children should be allowed to play with them since they need all the blood circulation they can get.
lynnbiederstadt
January 23, 2012
I think that the danger of plush toys is way underestimated…after all, you could fall and put its eye out…
Todd Pack
January 23, 2012
The thing that amazes me about the captain of the leaning boat of Piza is his apparent inability to accept responsibility. I mean, he apparently ordered dinner after the crash, like nothing had happened. Denial like that is hard to find.
spilledinkguy
January 23, 2012
‘Fabric and Plastic on a Plane’…
Rated ‘R’ for extreme lint and some scenes of toy violence…