The Fonz and Optimist Prime are always making up new games. They spend hours and hours discussing the rules, coloring and cutting out game boards and game pieces, telling their dad this will be the greatest game ever, and arguing over which one of them contributed 51% or more to the idea and deserves to have their name inserted into the game name.
The one thing they never actually do is play the games.
I assume they lose interest because most of their games revolve around war and since the kids know nothing about war, I’m not surprised they can’t relate. I decided I could come up with some game themes that would resonate with all children. Today I pitched the following game ideas to The Fonz:
Leaving Coats at the Park: The Game
Every time your game piece makes it around the board, your guy gets a little warmer, takes off a coat, hat, or glove, and leaves them on the grass. Whoever leaves the most items of clothing behind by the time mom calls them into dinner, wins!
Snooping Through Drawers: The Game
The timers ticking! Can you manage to go through every drawer, locate every flashlight, turn each one on and forget to turn them off so the batteries will be dead when dad desperately needs the flashlight in an emergency, all before the timer dings?
Being Compared to Your Brother: The Game
“Look at what a good eater your big brother is. He’s such a big boy. Do you want to be a big boy like your brother? Your brother always does his homework without being asked. He’s such a good boy. Do you want to be a good boy, too?” Now is your chance to prove you’re just as good as your brother. Roll the dice and compete to make beds, create artwork, and have better handwriting than your do-gooder sibling. Complete all tasks successfully and win a shot at the bonus round and the grand prize of Mom having another baby so you get to be the big brother who does everything right!
You’re Old Enough to Make Coffee Now: The Game
Are you the only kid on the game board who doesn’t know how to make his dad coffee? Be the first to land on the following squares in succession:
1. Wake up at 6:45AM.
2. Grind the beans without waking dad.
3. Boil water.
4. Stir together in the French Press.
5. Pour and bring to dad, allowing the aroma to wake him naturally instead of that grating alarm clock.
Can you complete all 5 steps before 7:00AM?
Eavesdropping: The Game
Mom and Dad are speaking in hushed tones. Every roll of the dice brings your game piece tiptoeing closer and closer to their bedroom door. If you land on the bedroom door square, you receive a Reward Card with juicy information about Christmas presents, a new baby, or a ranking of love for children.
Word-for-Word Recounting of a Television Program: The Game
The episode lasted 22 minutes, but can you manage to explain the story and recite all the dialogue and somehow require 45 minutes? The clock is ticking! Make sure not to take a breath or you might be penalized with a Dad Interruption Card reading, “That cartoon sounds amazing and I’m glad you told me about it and I’m glad you’re finished and have nothing left to say and now I just remembered I have a phone call to make.”