The Fonz and Optimist Prime are always making up new games. They spend hours and hours discussing the rules, coloring and cutting out game boards and game pieces, telling their dad this will be the greatest game ever, and arguing over which one of them contributed 51% or more to the idea and deserves to have their name inserted into the game name.
The one thing they never actually do is play the games.
I assume they lose interest because most of their games revolve around war and since the kids know nothing about war, I’m not surprised they can’t relate. I decided I could come up with some game themes that would resonate with all children. Today I pitched the following game ideas to The Fonz:
Leaving Coats at the Park: The Game
Every time your game piece makes it around the board, your guy gets a little warmer, takes off a coat, hat, or glove, and leaves them on the grass. Whoever leaves the most items of clothing behind by the time mom calls them into dinner, wins!
Snooping Through Drawers: The Game
The timers ticking! Can you manage to go through every drawer, locate every flashlight, turn each one on and forget to turn them off so the batteries will be dead when dad desperately needs the flashlight in an emergency, all before the timer dings?
Being Compared to Your Brother: The Game
“Look at what a good eater your big brother is. He’s such a big boy. Do you want to be a big boy like your brother? Your brother always does his homework without being asked. He’s such a good boy. Do you want to be a good boy, too?” Now is your chance to prove you’re just as good as your brother. Roll the dice and compete to make beds, create artwork, and have better handwriting than your do-gooder sibling. Complete all tasks successfully and win a shot at the bonus round and the grand prize of Mom having another baby so you get to be the big brother who does everything right!
You’re Old Enough to Make Coffee Now: The Game
Are you the only kid on the game board who doesn’t know how to make his dad coffee? Be the first to land on the following squares in succession:
1. Wake up at 6:45AM.
2. Grind the beans without waking dad.
3. Boil water.
4. Stir together in the French Press.
5. Pour and bring to dad, allowing the aroma to wake him naturally instead of that grating alarm clock.
Can you complete all 5 steps before 7:00AM?
Eavesdropping: The Game
Mom and Dad are speaking in hushed tones. Every roll of the dice brings your game piece tiptoeing closer and closer to their bedroom door. If you land on the bedroom door square, you receive a Reward Card with juicy information about Christmas presents, a new baby, or a ranking of love for children.
Word-for-Word Recounting of a Television Program: The Game
The episode lasted 22 minutes, but can you manage to explain the story and recite all the dialogue and somehow require 45 minutes? The clock is ticking! Make sure not to take a breath or you might be penalized with a Dad Interruption Card reading, “That cartoon sounds amazing and I’m glad you told me about it and I’m glad you’re finished and have nothing left to say and now I just remembered I have a phone call to make.”
The Good Greatsby 
artjen1971
January 25, 2012
Are you trying to say something here? About winning babies as prizes? I know your in China, but I don’t think it’s that easy to get babies to give for winning games…
The Good Greatsby
January 25, 2012
Baby game pieces will only be awarded within the game. No actual babies will be coming in real life.
nancyfrancis
January 25, 2012
Hmm.. I’m thinking ‘Take your kids to work day’ could be turned into at least a week long game that could save a parent lot of boredom, and get some free labour 😉
averageinsuburbia
January 25, 2012
I love playing that last game, “Word-for-Word Recounting of a Television Program” at work but my co-workers don’t seem to understand the rules. They say things like “Yeah, I saw that one too” or “shut up, I have a headache”. There is a twist on the game where you recount a book (as big a book as you like! The bigger the better!) that is possibly more fun than recounting a television program. Tell your boys about that one.
The Good Greatsby
January 25, 2012
The Fonz has played the recounting-a-book game. If the point of the game is to keep talking until everyone else has left the room, then he’s definitely the winner.
Kevin Haggerty
January 25, 2012
Great post! I lol’ed at work. ha. I could add a few games that my wife would be really good at like: “Ask as many questions as possible during a movie,” or “Start super serious conversations when your husband’s watching a sporting event on TV that he has been waiting all day to watch.”
The Good Greatsby
January 25, 2012
I bet both of those games could catch on and find an audience.
Tori Nelson
January 25, 2012
I always lost at “Being Compared To Your Brother” Game. Mostly because I never went to prison and was, by default, always substatially lacking in the Street Cred round 😦
The Good Greatsby
January 25, 2012
Since I don’t know your brother, you’ll always have more Street Cred in my eyes.
bearman
January 25, 2012
Being compared to your brother game….is mom ok with the prize indicated??
The Good Greatsby
January 25, 2012
Nope. She would refuse to play any game where she had to even pretend to be pregnant.
She's a Maineiac
January 25, 2012
All brilliant ideas! At my house the most popular games are ‘Stinky Feet’ and ‘Sitting on your Sister’s Head and Farting’. You guys are so much more sophisticated.
And I did notice this new baby idea popping up a few times in your post–are you trying to tell us there is another Greatsby on the way?
The Good Greatsby
January 25, 2012
I don’t anticipate any additions to the Greatsby family. Taxis in Shanghai won’t permit more than four passengers at a time so we’ve reached the upper limit in family size.
Kathryn McCullough
January 25, 2012
My partner is hugely competitive, so gaming might work well in our approach to household chores–Vacuuming: The Game. Dusting: The Game. Doing Dishes: The Game. Good God, the domestic applications are endless!
prttynpnk
January 25, 2012
I sit a desk away from the parent of the local grand champion of ‘Call Mommy at work and keep her on the phone with meaningless questions, perceived emergencies or snack requests’ bonus points for multiple calls on the same topic.
ajg
January 25, 2012
haha, nice job!
pegoleg
January 25, 2012
You should try the adult version of Snooping Through Drawers: Party Edition. Try to find your hosts’ prescription meds, tax returns, sex toys, etc. Extra points for evidence of cross-dressing.
The Good Greatsby
January 26, 2012
My friend Andrew plays that game at our house.
pegoleg
January 26, 2012
What kind of score does he end up with?
Carla
January 25, 2012
I love the Snooping Through Drawers game and the adult party version Peg talked about. lol I had to go to a friend’s house to get clothes for them to take after her mom’s house burned. (I lived right down the street and we were close friends, so we had keys to each other’s house.) Since her mom’s house was our of town, and my friend and her hubby were there helping, I volunteered to take them clothes…I had to go into their drawers. Who knew they had matching leopard thongs? WOW. I had to put them in the suitcase. On top. We all got a laugh out of it, but my mental images of them wearing those….ewww.
thelifeofjamie
January 25, 2012
I keep trying to get my kids to play a few games. 1. The who can keep their food on their plate for the shortest period of time, 2. Who can be the quietest game 3. Who can wake up the latest game. They don’t seem to understand how to play #3.
Ian Webster
January 26, 2012
Of course, “Who can keep the food on the plate the shortest” depends on the age of the children. When they are much younger you want to play “Who can keep the food on the plate the longest”!
MattJ
January 25, 2012
I play a variation of “recount a tv show” with my 11 year old when his constant commentary gets to be too much to handle. He doesn’t seem to have any control over his Pavlovian need to provide me with his opinion on every movie or tv choice, so I take advantage by quickly scrolling through the choices on Netflix. I get 25 to 30 opinions inside of a minute until he overloads, then I can get peace and quiet for a while while he reboots.
Glynis Sylvia
January 26, 2012
Snooping Through Drawers: The Game
Extra points if you ignore the flashlights and find that other battery operated item in a drawer (likely near the bed). Game won if you can turn it on, but cushion the sound so that Mommy has no idea it’s been let running.
Margie
January 26, 2012
You sure have a lot of fun at your house! The only game at our house is the guessing game “Where Are the Car Keys This Time?”
The Good Greatsby
January 26, 2012
We never get a chance to play that one because we don’t own a car.
PCC Advantage
January 26, 2012
I’m pretty sure that “Being Compared to Your Brother: The Game” is still relevant beyond the age of 9.
I’m also pretty sure I’ve lost that game. Several times. In fact, I think I’ve been a perpetual loser for the last 19 years. Maybe one day I’ll win and Mom and Dad will have another baby…I’m almost positive that will happen*.
*this will never happen.
The Good Greatsby
January 26, 2012
If your brother has been outpacing you for nineteen years, it might be time to change your strategy. Instead of pushing yourself to excel to his level, it might be time to focus on bringing him down to yours.
mistyslaws
January 26, 2012
We play the Being Compared to your Brother game . . . a lot. Closely followed by the Who does mommy/daddy love more? game. I think the ultimate prize is actually low self-esteem and a competitive nature. So it’s a win for everyone, really.
torcon1
January 26, 2012
How about the “Going 15-1 in regular season, losing in the first round” game…(maybe it’s too soon for that joke)
Dana
January 26, 2012
I, for one, suggest you run the suggested prizes by Mrs. Greatsby before getting your boys to play those games. Besides, adding another baby into the mix would complicate the rules of your new games, and they’d all have to be re-written.
susielindau
January 26, 2012
Too bad my kids don’t live at home anymore….I wish I would have thought up that “Make coffee for me” game a couple of years ago!
The Good Greatsby
January 26, 2012
I assume kids get better and better at making coffee as they get older–remember that if the kids ever ask if they can move home.
Carl D'Agostino
January 26, 2012
Re: Leaving Coats at the Park. We called that strip poker.
Elyse
January 26, 2012
I’m going to co-opt the French Press coffee game, although since my son is at college my dog, Cooper, will have to adhere very closely to the rules AND clean up the coffee grounds that the gringer-to-press invariably leaves on the counter.
Glynis Sylvia
January 26, 2012
Having never drunk the substance myself, I’m no expert. But the rumors I’ve encountered as to the um…..”after-effects” of coffee – Are you sure you’re prepared for your dog to have a steady diet of this? If you insist on this idea, let me suggest that Home Depot has doggie doors for only $34, or a “High Tech Pet Power Electronic, Fully Automatic” one for just under $300.
merrilymarylee
February 1, 2012
We sometimes get absorbed in a game our dog invented called Guess Which Piece of This Jigsaw Puzzle I just ate. It makes the puzzle take twice as long to put together.