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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Presidential Campaigns: ‘Lower Your Expectations’ Voters: ‘Our Expectations Were Already Pretty Low’
The first presidential debate is scheduled for tonight and Americans everywhere are anxiously looking forward to not watching. After they finish not watching the debates, they’ll appease their civic guilt by checking the news for coverage of the debates so media pundits can tell them who won, similar to checking a sports score. Crowning the […]
Posted in: Columns
10 Date Ideas Better Than Dinner and a Movie
October 1, 2012
‘Dinner and a Movie’ has become the standard go-to date in America. I’m surprised by its popularity, especially as a first date since a movie provides you very little opportunity to talk and get to know each other, and dinner will only start off on an embarrassing note when you can’t pronounce hors d’oeuvres. It’s […]
Posted in: Columns
Did You Know? Did You Know? Did You Know?
September 26, 2012
My 8-year-old The Fonz is a perpetual source of non-sequiturs, interrupting conversation with sound bytes varying from the funny, “Why go to Mount Everest when you can see the top from Google Earth? It’s the same thing,” to the philosophically bizarre, “Did you know if your shadow was three-dimensional, it would open a black hole?” […]
Posted in: Family
To the Bimbos of Wikipedia
September 24, 2012
Who are the bimbos of Wikipedia? While working on a recent writing project, I had to compile a list of standard stock characters found in television. When attempting to describe the typical characteristics of the ‘bimbo’ character, I couldn’t decide if the bimbo has to be both dumb and promiscuous, or could she sometimes be […]
Posted in: Columns
The Final Curtain Call…Or Is It? Yes, It Is…Unless…
September 21, 2012
I promised myself I wouldn’t do another play for a while after finishing Inspector Hound in June, but a week later I accepted the role of Adam in Frank McGuinness’ play Someone Who’ll Watch Over Me, premiering tomorrow night. I find it hard to say no when approached by a director I really want to […]
Posted in: Columns
If My Wife Were so Perfect, She’d Have Better Taste in Husbands
September 19, 2012
If there’s one thing I like about my wife…that would be a discouragingly low number. But if there’s one thing I like about my wife, I like that she likes me. There’s something intoxicatingly attractive about a woman with such good taste. She’s my biggest fan. And I wish I could return the favor. I […]
Posted in: Family
I Give Apollo Fonzarelli ‘The Talk’
September 17, 2012
Parents dread their children reaching the age when they have to give them ‘the talk’. You keep putting it off, thinking your kid isn’t old enough to be interested in such adult issues, but procrastination may put your child at risk. Yes, I couldn’t put it off any longer and this week I decided it […]
Posted in: Family
I’m Rubber and You’re Glue, Criticism of Me Bounces Back to You
September 13, 2012
If you’re going to achieve any level of success in life, you’re going to have to expect some criticism. If you’re not going to achieve any level of success in life, you’re going to have to expect a lot of criticism. How you deal with criticism will have a big impact on your life so […]
Posted in: Columns
Four More Years! Four More Years!
September 6, 2012
Tonight President Obama will give his keynote address at the Democratic National Convention and you could play a drinking game based on the number of times the crowd will break into the chant “Four-More-Years! Four-More-Years!” We Americans love a good chant because you get the emotional high of being part of a team, but without […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
The Greatsbys Get Moving
September 3, 2012
We moved house over the weekend. We’d lived in the same house for three years and on the same street for seven, but it made more sense for us to move to another part of Shanghai after the kids recently changed schools and my wife changed jobs. Also, we’d already exhausted the neighborhood of people […]
Posted in: Family
Dear Mr. Foosball
August 31, 2012
Dear Mr. Foosball, I recently ordered a foosball table from your company. It was delivered and assembled while I was at work and now that I’ve had some time to look it over I worry it may be inappropriate for our children. Here are my concerns: 1. Why aren’t any of the players smiling? We […]
Posted in: Columns
Prince Harry Courts Controversy With Wave of Royal Scepter
August 29, 2012
Perhaps you’ve already heard the news about Britain’s Prince Harry who was photographed nude during a Las Vegas party while playing a round of strip billiards. The only reason I know about the story is because I’ve set my Google News to send me alerts whenever a story contains the keywords: ‘nude, photograph, Queen’, but […]
Posted in: Headlines
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