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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
An Interview with Optimist Prime
My family and I are enjoying our vacation in sunny and sometimes rainy Bali, Indonesia. My ten-year-old, Optimist Prime, appeared to be having too much fun in the swimming pool and I decided to give his day some structure by interviewing him. Dad: Welcome to my office. Sit anywhere you like. OP: There’s only one […]
Posted in: Family
Metric Measure for Measure: Measuring the Measuring Systems to Your Measured Advantage
December 23, 2011
I remember being taught the metric system as a young kid in school and sharing the annoyance of my classmates when we were told the state education board had mandated the teaching of the metric system–even though anybody with any sense knew the US system was better. America was on the verge of winning the Cold […]
Posted in: Columns
Beauty is in the Eye of the Asian Beholder
December 21, 2011
When checking out of our hotel in Seoul, the manager bade my wife a farewell that guaranteed his hotel would top her list if we ever returned, “All the staff thinks you are so beautiful. Your husband is so tall and handsome. Together you make beautiful children. The most handsome family. And I am in […]
Posted in: Columns
Your Satisfaction is Our Unremitting Pursuit
December 19, 2011
Pay no heed to rumors suggesting a connection between my arrival in South Korea and the death of Kim Jong-Il the same day. I was nowhere near the fearless leader at the time of his unexpected demise. We’re really lucky we ended up in South Korea instead of North Korea because when I bought the […]
Posted in: Travel
Effort-Reward Ratios of Christmas Dinner Attention-Getters
December 16, 2011
Christmas is just around the corner and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably looking forward to Christmas Dinner with your family and anticipating the time-honored tradition of competing to be the center of attention. Everyone will arrive with a gimmick–good news to share, a funny story, or an expertly-prepared dish–and you know you’ve got […]
Posted in: Columns
Dear Good Greatsby: Do You Ever Worry About Losing Your Awesome Looks?
December 14, 2011
Dear Good Greatsby Do you ever worry about getting old or losing your awesome looks? What do you think about the men and women who obsess about it? kathrinjapan Dear kathinjapan, The only time I ever worry about losing my looks is when I’m awake. The topic rarely enters my dreams because no matter […]
Posted in: Dear Good Greatsby
Did I Mention I’m an NFL Team Owner?
December 13, 2011
Last week I fulfilled a lifelong dream I’ve had for about a year of becoming an owner of the NFL’s Green Bay Packers. My oldest son and I have bonded over being Packers fans; as he grew older, a casual interest in the Packers grew more and more intense as we discussed stats while playing […]
Posted in: sports
Battleship Down: Board Games the Movie!
December 12, 2011
The other day I watched a You Tube clip and the unskippable movie preview at the beginning caught my attention for all the wrong reasons. A naval fleet leaves port to begin war games and encounters an alien enemy hidden beneath the sea. Within seconds I knew the movie was going to be terrible, but […]
Posted in: Columns
Chinglish Stockings
December 11, 2011
If you’re a songwriter experiencing writer’s block in trying to compose the last verse of your new love song, might I suggest you steal some lyrical inspiration from the stockings’ advertisement below: “Beauty bases on your legs. Silk socks play an important role in your legs beautifying plan. Stockings are popular once again, whether black […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Saturday Salad Bar
December 10, 2011
Here are some favorites from recent search terms: i said i hate you and he said you love me I’m not sure why this search was sent to me, but I assume google learned how my optimistic nature automatically hears compliments in place of criticism. “You need to take a shower.” “What’s that? I smell […]
Posted in: Columns
Teaching Kids Using Rhyme over Reason
December 9, 2011
I’m fond of reminding my sons that “adults rule and kids drool.” This is a catchy way to constantly reinforce the value of my judgment over theirs. Kids have a short attention span and it’s important to use rhymes and catchy sayings to help them quickly remember good advice and make the right decisions. Whitney […]
Posted in: Columns
Is a Photoshopped Picture Still Worth a Thousand Words?
December 8, 2011
Last summer my wife and kids visited our families in the United States while I performed in a play at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. My parents arranged a family photo with my siblings’ families and my wife and two sons, and although my exclusion couldn’t help but fuel long-standing suspicions my parents would pick my […]
Posted in: Family
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