I’m fond of reminding my sons that “adults rule and kids drool.” This is a catchy way to constantly reinforce the value of my judgment over theirs.
Kids have a short attention span and it’s important to use rhymes and catchy sayings to help them quickly remember good advice and make the right decisions.
Whitney Houston once said, “Crack is whack.” I like to remind my kids to stay away from crack by repeating her catchy counsel when they get on the bus each morning:
“Have a great day. Make lots of friends. Remember Whitney Houston says ‘crack is whack.'”
They’ll always remember this saying, although I’m not sure how useful it is because they’ve asked me to explain crack and I’m not sure what it is, although I’m fairly certain it’s whack. Also, they’ve asked me to explain Whitney Houston.
I also like to repeat the verse from the Old Testament, “Beer before liquor, never sicker.” It seems to have worked so far as neither of my sons have ever experienced any alcohol-related illness.
I’ve decided to develop my own catchy rhymes to constantly remind my kids to make the right decisions and stay on the straight-and-narrow. I try and repeat each of these once each day.
Flirting:
Don’t blow off a lady when you learn she has a mister; relax, play it cool, she might have a sister.
Sleep safety:
Check under the bed before you count sheep, you never know where monsters may creep.
Vampire peer pressure:
Sucking blood makes you a dud.
Fashion:
No man is a fox wearing black shoes with white socks.
Zombie peer pressure:
Those who eat brains experience bowel movement pains.
Organization:
One of your mother’s greatest joys, comes from trashing not-put-away toys.
Music:
If on your iPod I find a Nickelback song, I’ll consider myself a failed parent and wonder where I went wrong.
Reality TV:
If you appear on a reality show, don’t tell your parents, we’d rather not know.
The Good Greatsby 
veghotpot
December 9, 2011
as usual you’ve had me laughing out loud and having to read your post out to the rest of the office to explain why Im sat here in the corner giggling to myself!
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
I’m flattered to have any part in distracting the office.
becomingcliche
December 9, 2011
I find it is very helpful to include the phrase “bowel movement” in admonitions. Children tend to avoid those activities. Teens, especially, appreciate it.
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
You’ve got to put it in terms they appreciate. Kids think a lot about bowel movements.
susielindau
December 9, 2011
I love the one for flirting –
Don’t blow off a lady when you learn she has a mister; relax, play it cool, she might have a sister. My sister is single!
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
That proves the practicality of my advice.
Invisible Mikey
December 9, 2011
Men weed the gardens.
Women are roses.
Nice boys keep fingers out of their noses.
Age before beauty.
Pearls before swine.
You’re getting a time-out, if I hear you whine.
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
Any kid would be lucky to have you as a source of counsel.
nancyfrancis
December 9, 2011
It may not Rhyme, but the first (and only) fashion advice my father ever gave me was ‘make sure your socks match your earrings’.
I’ll let you think about that one.
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
I didn’t know matching your socks with your earrings was so important–that’s advice my dad never gave me.
Stephen Haggerty
December 9, 2011
You are a funny man. Thanks for making me laugh this morning. The old testament verse “beer before liquor, never sicker.” I’m pretty sure that is where that came from.
Leanne Shirtliffe
December 9, 2011
Every rhyme I’m thinking of is inappropriate. Uh oh…
writerwoman61
December 9, 2011
This reminds me of a chestnut from my childhood:
“Beans, beans
The magical fruit!
The more you eat,
The more you toot.”
Here’s one with a modern twist:
“Don’t play hooky…you’ll end up like Snooki!”
Wendy
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
That is indeed a chestnut.
thelifeofjamie
December 9, 2011
Knock it off boys, every time you get unruly, I have to go out and buy mom some jewelery.
mistyslaws
December 9, 2011
Good luck explaining Whitney Houston to them. I still can’t figure out that crack whore and I lived through the whole she’s a shooting star, she marries BOB-EHHHH, she implodes and collapses into a black hole-addict thing. Maybe use diagrams? That seems to always help me.
pegoleg
December 9, 2011
I always wondered if Whitney Houston lost a little credibility being quoted saying “crack is whack” from her bed in the rehab unit. Every time.
Spectra
December 9, 2011
“Roses are red, Violets are blue.
You’ll drop dead if you don’t poo” (most effective when toilet training toddlers)
Laura
December 10, 2011
If you decide you want to try a little “tough love”:
“Don’t break the law, or at least don’t get caught.
If you wind up in jail, we’ll leave you to rot.”
Amy
December 10, 2011
The Old Testament is full of sage, rhyming advice.
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
At least that’s what I hear from others.
cooper
December 10, 2011
Step on a crack, dislodge selected vertebre in your Mom’s spinal chord…
or is that not in keeping with the current theme????
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
It’s surprising that version never caught on.
meladjusted
December 10, 2011
Logic is like Magic – and it works on so many levels when one is learning to spell. Thanks for an entertaining take on life.
Rachael Black
December 10, 2011
funny as hell. especially as a parent I’m thinking.
Suggest teaching them to write a Haiku each evening to not only reinforce good manners but expand their world view. Imagine how their grades will improve when their teachers realize your children are not only paeans of higher learning… but their clear leadership skills. Remind them: The only poets who still use simplified rhyming as so 1950’s.
And there were no Transformers then, or Xbox. Just cement bomb shelters to play in.
That should do it. You’ll be the parent of Genius children.
jollof
December 10, 2011
Good Greatsby, this is a cool list. I quite like the Fashion and Reality TV rhymes. I’ll have to think of my own rhymes when I start parenting…or I could just refer here when I’m ready, lol. Well done!
shreejacob
December 10, 2011
The problem might come when “whack” becomes a term that means “cool”. I learnt a few years ago that “gel” = cool…I mean, sure, some gels have that cooling sensation when applied but …gel = cool?? see…
pattisj
December 10, 2011
Excellent advice, as usual, GG. Maybe Zooey has a sister.
The Good Greatsby
December 10, 2011
She does have a sister, although Zooey is also single.
kathrinjapan
December 10, 2011
I have always liked “Check yourself before you wreck yourself”
I’ve often had to use “on the floor eat no more”
When going places I’ve been known to imply “late to the car, you’ll need to walk far!”
I find threats are much more palatable in rhyme.
Snoring Dog Studio
December 10, 2011
I don’t have kids, but from my meager experience with them, I’d say that using rhyme works far better than reason! I shall now try this out on my coworkers.
Dana
December 11, 2011
Thank you for teaching your children the inherent evils of Nickelback. They are one of the (many) reasons why I’m ashamed to have been born in the province of Alberta. 😦
flippingchannels
December 11, 2011
“If you appear on a reality show, don’t tell your parents, we’d rather not know.”
*Slow Clap*
Someone had to say it.
cassiebehle
December 14, 2011
Good Lord, Nickelback is awful.
ifiwerebraveblog
December 16, 2011
OMG. Sucking blood makes you a dud. I’m going off to needlepoint that bit of wisdom right now. Hilarious.