Dear Good Greatsby: Do You Ever Worry About Losing Your Awesome Looks?

Posted on December 14, 2011


Dear Good Greatsby

Do you ever worry about getting old or losing your awesome looks? What do you think about the men and women who obsess about it?



Dear kathinjapan,

The only time I ever worry about losing my looks is when I’m awake.

The topic rarely enters my dreams because no matter how hard I search, I never seem to be able to find a mirror. Just as some people believe if you die in your dream, you’ll die in real life, I believe if I find a mirror in my dream, I’ll lose my looks in real life.

My fear of losing my looks isn’t all vanity but is more a matter of practicality. All my life I’ve complained that my good looks were holding me back from being taken seriously. Every time I was passed over for an opportunity, I blamed my looks, convincing myself my stunning profile was responsible for giving the impression I was nothing more than a handsome face.  A really, really strikingly handsome face.

But what if I lose my looks and people still don’t take me seriously?

The day that happens is the day that a lot of enemies emerge from the woodwork to chirp a triumphant I-told-you-so.

When we meet someone good-looking, we frantically search for some flaw in character or intelligence to balance out the scales. When people meet me I know they’re looking for evidence of my being a bad person or being unintelligent, so I’ve made a habit of choosing the bad impression for them by trying to steal their girlfriends. “Sure he’s good-looking, but he totally tried to steal my girlfriend. I introduced her as my fiance and he kissed her hand and asked, ‘So you here with anybody?'”

My wife hopes I never lose my looks, but if it’s going to happen, she’s cheering for sooner rather than later so she’ll still have her good looks to help her find another husband. But she’s given me reason for optimism by reminding me that I never lose anything important. This is true. I’ve never lost a wallet, keys, luggage, passport, etc., and I don’t see why my looks should be any different.

I don’t see any problem with people obsessing over their looks and trying to slow the aging process. Some people will try and tell you what’s inside of a person is more important than the outside. That may be true, but I’ve found it’s awfully hard to tell what the inside looks like. If I have to choose between two people, the attractive and the unattractive might be equally ugly on the inside, but until we come up with a scientific method for determining inner-beauty, I’d prefer to stare at the pretty face while I wait.

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