Saturday Salad Bar

Here are some favorites from recent search terms:

i said i hate you and he said you love me

I’m not sure why this search was sent to me, but I assume google learned how my optimistic nature automatically hears compliments in place of criticism.

“You need to take a shower.”
“What’s that? I smell like a flower?”

Here’s some good advice:

when someone says i love you reply i love youtube

I assume this tip came direct from You Tube marketing executives who hoped their brand might become intricately linked with the way we express affection for each other. In twenty years everyone will say, “I love youtube,” and kids will assume the name of the site came from the saying.

Not too sure what to make of this one:

sometimes you just have to take a step back and turn on indiana jones

I could read this three ways:

1. Relax, sit on the couch, put in the Raiders of the Lost Ark DVD, and ‘turn on’ Indiana Jones.

2. If you’re on an archeological dig with Indiana Jones and the bad guys show up, take a step back, and pull a gun on Indiana in the hopes the bad guys will think you were a double agent always planning to ‘turn on’ Indiana Jones.

3. Take a step back so Indiana can get a better look at your full profile and attractive figure, hoping to ‘turn on’ Indiana Jones.

I prefer #3.

…..

Last week I told my seven-year-old, The Fonz, a story about him from the time he was four, and he replied, “I’m a character when I was young.” He seems surprisingly reflective about his youth for a seven-year-old, but I wouldn’t expect any less of such a character.

…..

Only one more day to submit a caption for this sad looking Santa. Some of you young people may think you’ll just submit a caption next year or the year after, but I promise you such a sad Santa doesn’t come along near as often as you think. I’m in my third decade of life and this is the saddest Santa I’ve seen.