If you’re a songwriter experiencing writer’s block in trying to compose the last verse of your new love song, might I suggest you steal some lyrical inspiration from the stockings’ advertisement below:
“Beauty bases on your legs. Silk socks play an important role in your legs beautifying plan. Stockings are popular once again, whether black or colorful, long and short, the individualized stockings endow you with feminine beauty, deduce the vogue and sexual charm.”
The product information on the back goes on to explain the four main advantages of these stockings:
Yes, the product copy is probably exaggerating when it boasts ownership of “variable vogue styles both in inner beauty and external beauty,” but you’ve got to reason that even partial ownership of inner and external beauty might just make these stockings the perfect Christmas stocking stuffer.
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Check out the caption contest finalists and submit your vote here.
The Good Greatsby 
Laura
December 11, 2011
Stockings as stocking stuffers — nice.
I’m intrigued by the diagram on the left in the first picture. Along with all their other wonderful qualities, these stockings are apparently also electromagnets.
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2011
They might be a bit more technologically advanced than you might expect based on the poor English translation.
k8edid
December 11, 2011
That’s my problem – I don’t have a beautifying plan for my legs – they’ve been left to their own devices. They are unable to deduce the vogue and sexual charm. I’m adding these to my wish list right now.
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2011
How can you complain when your legs go off in their own direction if you never gave them a beautifying plan?
Kathryn McCullough
December 11, 2011
I wonder if these stocikings could lengthen my legs. I could use a few more inches as part of the plan for mine.
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2011
Based on the diagram of the circles and the red arrow, it’s very possible these stockings contain a leg-stretching technology.
prttynpnk
December 11, 2011
My 80’s New wave retro band will be called ‘Deduce the Vogue’ .
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2011
Will I get a percentage of sales for bringing the idea to your attention?
prttynpnk
December 11, 2011
I will probably just be paid in fair food until we make our mark. I hope you like funnel cake…..
thelifeofjamie
December 11, 2011
Was anyone around when you were the perv taking pictures of the ladies pantyhose box?
The Good Greatsby
December 11, 2011
Just my wife and I don’t think there’s anything new I could ever do to change her already low opinion of me.
gerknoop
December 11, 2011
I hope Santa bring me some of these in my stocking this year….I could really use (ownership) of some inner beauty.
gerknoop
December 12, 2011
So far I have only been “renting” the inner beauty.
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2011
It’s hard to feel confident about inner beauty when you’re only renting and know the inner beauty could be taken away at any time.
susielindau
December 12, 2011
I think stockings have gone out of style in the US so no inner or outer beauty for me!
The Good Greatsby
December 12, 2011
If stockings have gone out of style, what’s next? Inner and outer beauty?
Spectra
December 12, 2011
-but the package clearly states that “Stockings are popular once again, whether black or colorful, long and short”. So susielindau, you can feel confident that both inner and outer beauty are yours! For just six dollars! (or so) I can’t wait to go to Shanghai and buy mine. How much is a ticket to China costing these days?
myonepreciouslife
December 12, 2011
Note to self – must put more effort into my legs beautifying plan.
pegoleg
December 12, 2011
I’m excited to see these are made from “high-tech fiber” with “super restoring force”. Sounds like it would be invaluable to the building industry.
Lunar Euphoria
December 12, 2011
What a coincidence! Just the other day when I was updating my legs beautification plan I thought I could really use some stockings that take on the lifting hip line.
ericanexpress
December 12, 2011
If you could post something like this every day, I could probably stop taking my medication. I’d be happy to pay half of the cost over to you – so I save some money and you make some. Let me know. I am going to post the Chinglish on one of my t-shirts – think you’ll like it.
Brown Road Chronicles
December 12, 2011
What happens if you follow the red arrow?
pattisj
December 12, 2011
Wow, I NEED these! However, I’ve never found them to be warm and cozy.
writerwoman61
December 12, 2011
Gee…if buying those stockings will give me a butt like that, sign me up!
Wendy
educlaytion
December 13, 2011
I’ll never tell a woman she has beautiful legs again. It’s all “beauty bases” from here on out.