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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Dear Good Housekeeping: How do I get Karo syrup out of a ukulele?
Dear Good Housekeeping, While perusing your site today I found many helpful tips on cleaning everything from leather sofas to freezers to sponges, but I was disappointed when I didn’t find a single tip on how to get Karo syrup out of a ukulele. Surely I can’t be the first person to fall asleep while […]
Posted in: Columns
Chinglish Gruel
March 11, 2012
My wife bought a container of fresh macaroni at a local cafe and was slightly perplexed by the instructions on the back: Storing method: keep between 0°C to 6°C or above 65°C (apparently any storage between 6 and 65 degrees Celsius (42.8°F – 149°F) is unsafe but storage above 149°F would be fine. I’d be […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Complete and Utter Rubbish!
March 9, 2012
Optimist Prime has always been a bit wise for a ten-year-old, and his seeming wisdom has only increased now that he’s chosen to permanently speak in a British accent. He’s been trying it out here and there with an occasional “That’s bloody brilliant” or “And I said rubbish! Complete and utter rubbish!” but this last […]
Posted in: Columns
Dear Moon: My Patience Wanes Thin
March 8, 2012
Dear Moon, This is the last straw. I’ve long looked upon you with suspicion, Moon. My wife could never understand why I considered you an enemy, no matter how many times I told her, “The moon may seem bright and shiny, but there’s also a dark side of the moon.” I recently read an article […]
Posted in: Columns
Super Tuesday Founding Fathers Super Trivia
March 6, 2012
Today is Super Tuesday in America when Republicans will hold their largest primary. Excitement is high as Republicans hope that after three years of campaigning, fundraising, rallying, and spending hundreds of millions of dollars, they can finally settle on a candidate nobody is excited about. For international readers who may not be familiar with America’s […]
Posted in: Columns
3 Bedrooms, 2 Baths, 1 Dungeon
March 5, 2012
I read an article outlining some of the home renovations and additions that can actually decrease home value instead of increasing it. The article offered the examples of swimming pools and extensive, complicated landscaping as additions that may only appeal to a small segment of buyers. Because I assume the article had limited space and […]
Posted in: Columns
Chinglish Even the Kids Will Like
March 4, 2012
If you have any photos of a friend whose voice may shatter your dream as the north wind lays waste the garden, you might want to put the photos of him in this photo album: Convincing kids to eat cookies can be pretty difficult. That’s why I only buy cookies that contain the guarantee ‘Even […]
Posted in: Chinglish
The Fonz’s Dental Dilemma
March 3, 2012
Mrs. Greatsby and I have a different perspective on taking the kids to the dentist. When the kids saw the dentist last week and she insisted the boys needed thousands and thousands of dollars of dental and orthodontic work, my wife immediately scheduled follow-up appointments. But when I see a dentist I see a person […]
Posted in: Columns
Another Interview with Apollo Fonzarelli
March 2, 2012
The last time I interviewed my seven-year-old, Apollo Fonzarelli, was when he was sick in bed and so tired that he couldn’t run away when I annoyed him with my questions. This time I was the immobile one as I lay on the floor with a back injury and made him sit next to me […]
Posted in: Family
When Church Met State
March 1, 2012
I’m lying on the floor with a back injury and Mrs. Greatsby was kind enough to bring me my laptop after I threatened to expose the shoddy cataloguing of her library’s Korean section. (When I read that to her she laughed and said, “That’s funny because it’s true.”) I wish I had a great story […]
Posted in: Huffington Post
8 Activities for a Memorable Leap Day
February 29, 2012
#1 Go to a local bar and make friends with all the people celebrating a birthday. These new friends will quickly replace your old friends when you realize you only have to get them a birthday gift once every four years. (Note: I met my friend Arran for lunch to celebrate his leap year birthday, […]
Posted in: Columns
Haikuing Your Way to Success
February 28, 2012
If you’re anything like me, most of your New Year’s resolutions focus on ways to impress others. And when I say ‘others’, of course I mean rich people. And when I say ‘rich people’, of course I mean people who are rich because they were paid handsomely for being good looking. Every year when I […]
Posted in: Columns
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March 12, 2012
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