My wife bought a container of fresh macaroni at a local cafe and was slightly perplexed by the instructions on the back:
Storing method: keep between 0°C to 6°C or above 65°C (apparently any storage between 6 and 65 degrees Celsius (42.8°F – 149°F) is unsafe but storage above 149°F would be fine. I’d be interested to hear if any readers have a refrigerator that can maintain a temperature above 149°F)
Edible method: heats up 2 minutes with the microwave oven mid-fire, heat saves can direct edible.
This product really made me feel nostalgic for my years at the orphanage.
I’ve tried to imitate that orphanage gruel but I’ve never been able to get it just right.
…..
And while you’re finishing your morning bowl of gruel, why not click on over to vote in the caption contest?
The Good Greatsby 
1pointperspective
March 11, 2012
For that authentic orphanage taste, you need to shed some tears in it.
The Good Greatsby
March 11, 2012
How could I have forgotten the special seasoning ingredient?
1pointperspective
March 11, 2012
I’m guessing repressed memories
magsx2
March 11, 2012
Hi,
The packaging is unreal, obviously they don’t check before they print. 😀
The Good Greatsby
March 11, 2012
Or maybe they did check but the consumption of gruel had some copyediting side-effects.
prttynpnk
March 11, 2012
The best part of the gruel is it packaged with no second helpings….
Snoring Dog Studio
March 11, 2012
Please sir, may I have some more? How do any of the only English speakers there manage to cook anything correctly?
qwinkly3
March 12, 2012
That’s their evil plan. First, starve off any foreigners on their shores, then move on to conquer the world !
daisyfae
March 11, 2012
my refrigerator can handle that >65 C. it’s a bit odd, though, as it looks just like an oven.
randomlychad
March 11, 2012
I like how you warped into the future for that second photo. Did Doc Brown go with you? How were your kids in that era? Why did you bring back macaroni and gruel–and not a hoverboard?
Corey
March 11, 2012
My refrigerator gets above 149°F. It even has a knob for that. Oh, wait. That’s not a fridge, it’s an oven, because I’m in Amurrica. 😉
artjen1971
March 11, 2012
Maybe the crawfish eyeballs are why they think it’s called gruel.
mahervolous
March 11, 2012
I want to know where I can get my hands on some heat saves.
susielindau
March 11, 2012
Do they eat the entire shrimp over there, eyeballs and all? Maybe that is why so many orphanages are full. All the kids run away from home…
Jackie Cangro
March 11, 2012
“Please, sir. I want some more.”
HoaiPhai
March 12, 2012
What? No photo of Oliver Twist on the package?
qwinkly3
March 12, 2012
This is Chinglish. They would get that SO wrong. It would be a sinister picture of a Twisted Oliver instead.
Clay
March 12, 2012
Mmmm, whole grain gruel, just like the warden used to make.
bigsheepcommunications
March 12, 2012
I’m sticking with bread and water.
pegoleg
March 12, 2012
“Please sir, may I have some more?” I’m picturing then-child-hearthrob Mark Lester in his greatest (and only) movie role as Oliver.
Laura
March 12, 2012
Actually, those macaroni instructions kind of make sense to me — the “danger zone” for bacteria growth is supposed to be from 40-140 degrees F, so keeping food colder (in the fridge) or hotter than that (e.g., keeping a big pot of soup simmering on the stove all day). And the directions to cook it “mid-fire” is probably just some terminology left over from the days when everyone had a coal-fired microwave.
Kathryn McCullough
March 12, 2012
These Chinglish posts are priceless to me having lived in Vietnam! Too damn funny!
Dana
March 12, 2012
I misread the Gruel label as “Cruel” at first. Either word could apply in this case, though– Chinglish double entendre. 🙂
She's a Maineiac
March 12, 2012
Cruel Gruel. Love it.
Dana
March 12, 2012
Really, now– can gruel be any other way but cruel?
She's a Maineiac
March 12, 2012
Wow. I’m having a big flashback to sixth grade when I had to stand on stage and sing Food Glorious Food wearing some cut-up polyester slacks.
Chris
March 12, 2012
In Chinese, it says that you can heat it up for 2 minutes with the microwave with medium “heat” (I guess they meant power) or, if you’ve previously stored it above 65 degrees, you can eat it immediately. It’s still puzzling how they expect you to go about storing it above 65 degrees.
I can’t imagine anyone making any sense of the English instructions though!
Rob Rubin
March 12, 2012
Whole grain gruel? That must be for the top 1% orphans.
Thomas Stazyk
March 12, 2012
Have you figured out how to get your microwave to shut off at mid-fire?
Hippie Cahier
March 12, 2012
Does the package indicate whether the kids like it?
pattisj
March 12, 2012
This would make a great diet, because all of a sudden, I’m not hungry any more. “Heat saves can direct edible” is simple. If you don’t save it from the heat (mid-fire) then it isn’t going to be edible. If I grill burgers mid-fire, chances are, we’re going out for gruel.
gojulesgo
March 12, 2012
Those macaroni instructions made my head hurt. Think I’ll stick to gruel.
Tor Constantino, MBA
March 13, 2012
I’m not sure what all the hub-bub is about, I mean what’s wrong with a meal that’s “direct edible” AND also doubles as decoupage paste?
modestypress
March 13, 2012
Only a fool eats cruel gruel.
The eyes make me drool.
Makes me think of my favorite Morris Bishop poem:
http://lasr.cs.ucla.edu/reiher/elves.html
The Good Greatsby
March 13, 2012
Good poem. I’ve been calling for similar treatment of elves for years.
Ahmnodt Heare
March 18, 2012
You gotta Gruel to be kind!