Complete and Utter Rubbish!

Posted on March 9, 2012


Optimist Prime has always been a bit wise for a ten-year-old, and his seeming wisdom has only increased now that he’s chosen to permanently speak in a British accent. He’s been trying it out here and there with an occasional “That’s bloody brilliant” or “And I said rubbish! Complete and utter rubbish!” but this last week I encouraged him to adopt the accent full-time. He’s on his fourth straight day of all British, all the time.

There’s something very wise about any advice given in an English accent and it’s made me take his counsel much more seriously, although I know you shouldn’t place too much weight on any advice given by someone who spends all his free time reading while sitting in the dry bathtub, but rarely bathing.

Whenever we take walks or play catch I ask him questions like I want his advice and I always thank him afterwards for listening so he thinks I value his opinion. On Wednesday I thanked him after a walk to the store and he replied, “I’ll always be there for you, even in your darkest hour…so I can it write all down and then gossip to other people about it later.”

It almost makes me want to become famous, just so he has the opportunity to write a tell-all book about me later. If somebody had to sell me out and expose my darkest secrets in a book, he would probably do the best job.


Check out my new post on Huffington.

Scenes from 2013: President Romney Fails in His Attempts to Relate to Our Alien Conquerors

Disclaimer: For those of you counting the number of times I’ve satirized Republicans, you should know I’ve tried hard to balance it out with satirizing Democrats but this neverending Republican primary is providing too much material. And if you are keeping score, I think any of my satirizing of celebrities should also count as a satire of Democrats and should balance the scales.


You might also enjoy clicking on over to to enter his March Madness part 2, and submit your favorite movie hero for battle.

March Movie Madness, Part Deux

Last year’s contest is where I first came across Clay’s site, and even though we have a tense rivalry over our mutual love of Kate Beckinsale, we’ve agreed to be civil until she makes a decision.

Congratulations to Clay who just announced the impending publication of his first book UNDEAD: Revived, Resuscitated & Reborn

Posted in: Columns