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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Friday Love Letters: Dear Rachel Weisz
Dear Rachel Weisz, One of my great embarrassments is that I’ve seen The Mummy fifteen times but Schindler’s List only once. I knew I would hate The Mummy, and this is why I didn’t see it in theaters, only catching it on TV years later, but something happened the moment you appeared on screen as […]
Posted in: Love Letters
Petcare Care Less
September 8, 2011
If a friend goes out of town, I’ll water his plants, collect his mail, and maybe even throw water on the fire I started while roasting marshmallows in his bathtub, but he better know better than to ask me to watch his pets. If you get roped into watching a pet, here are some tips […]
Posted in: Columns
Dear Good Greatsby: Are You Secretly in Love with Me?
September 7, 2011
After numerous last minute cancellations, it falls to my assistant Ken to serve as a guest panelist and help answer the question of Kim Pugliano who seeks advice in sorting a sordid love triangle–one that a licensed therapist might call imaginary but one which this unlicensed therapist takes very seriously. Dear Good Greatsby~ How do […]
Posted in: Dear Good Greatsby
Friends Come and Go–Mostly Go
September 6, 2011
Living in Shanghai has conditioned me not to get too attached to people. A large percentage of the foreigners here are sent over on one or two year contracts, so a significant portion of our social outings are spent at farewell parties. After seven years in Shanghai, I’ve become pretty efficient at meeting new people […]
Posted in: Columns
Appoint Me Bad Apple of Apple’s Eye
September 5, 2011
Last week, Steve Jobs announced his retirement from Apple in a short statement: “I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come. I hereby resign as CEO […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed
Chinglish ddung
September 4, 2011
The product below appears to be a package of sanitary wipes. I assume the sanitary wipes can be used for many sanitation purposes, although the brand name “ddung” does seem to suggest a fairly specific use. The next product wasn’t found in China, but was actually found on a Waitrose grocery store shelf in Scotland. […]
Posted in: Chinglish
Saturday Salad Bar
September 3, 2011
My 19-hour birthday passed even faster than I had anticipated, and since I was traveling, I did manage to avoid even a single happy birthday wish from any friends or family, allowing me to make people feel guilty for the next year. Making it even better was when I stopped at an Internet cafe in […]
Posted in: Columns
A Change of Style
September 1, 2011
Home again, home again. I made it back to Shanghai this morning, and I had previously told my wife not to make a big fuss, which is probably why nobody met me at the airport. Probably also why nobody met me at home either. And probably why my wife didn’t answer the phone when I […]
Posted in: Family
Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince Someone to Give Me a House?
August 31, 2011
Today is my birthday and my mom has agreed to be a guest panelist and refrain from trying to make me feel guilty as her gift to me. The first question comes from Jim Chaney at The Wordslinger. Please check out his blog and click on all his links. You might start with his hilarious post My […]
Posted in: Dear Good Greatsby
Dreams that Won’t Come True After 33
August 30, 2011
Tomorrow I celebrate my 33rd birthday by boarding a plane back to Shanghai. I feel a bit cheated that I’ll be traveling east and the change in time zones will cut significant time from my birthday. If my calculations are correct, my birthday will only last 19 hours. Where will these 5 hours go? Somebody owes […]
Posted in: Columns
The Immaculate High Five
August 29, 2011
The slap of our hands cut through the air and reverberated off the walls. Each of us stared at our hands, frozen in the air, both unsure of what we had just experienced. We spoke in unison, “What just happened?” July 28, 2011 started like any other day. I got out of bed and put my pants on […]
Posted in: Columns
Chinglish NO SMIWWING
August 28, 2011
My friend Andrew took this picture: At first he laughed at the sign because who needs to be warned, “NO SMIWWING”? I think we’re all born with the intrinsic knowledge that smiwwing is not acceptable. But the more he thought about the wanring, the more he felt compelled by the rebellious, overpowering urge to smiw. Optimist Prime took […]
Posted in: Chinglish
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