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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »pets«
Goodbye, Megatron
After eight years of constantly being startled, our cat Megatron died two days before Christmas. I’ve loved animals all my life and have had dozens of pets over the years, but I spent more time with Megatron than any of them. I worked from home for six of her eight years and she spent anywhere […]
Chinglish Shampoo for Nerd Dogs
February 12, 2012
I volunteered at a pet shelter as a teenager and when I bathed the animals, we weren’t fortunate enough to have such fancy shampoos like the one below I found in a local Shanghai pet store. This magic formula seems to promise the dispelling of amorous activity: ‘Aim at the pet skin scraps problem effectively […]
Chinglish Pet Care
February 5, 2012
I visited a local pet store on Friday. It’s a good thing pets can’t read because they ‘d probably be alarmed if they saw their owners buying either of the products below: Apparently this Friend Baby product for ‘syrup-black to rid of vermin’ either tastes like insect candy or will taste like candy to insects. […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Does My Pet Dove Poop on My Computer Because She Hates My Writing?
October 5, 2011
Today’s question comes from Spectra of spectrumwoman.com, who wonders whether her pet dove is expressing distaste for her writing by pooping on her computer. Because the question regards pets, my cat, Megatron, has volunteered to be a guest panelist. When I say she volunteered, I mean I’ll chase her back and forth across my keyboard. […]
Petcare Care Less
September 8, 2011
If a friend goes out of town, I’ll water his plants, collect his mail, and maybe even throw water on the fire I started while roasting marshmallows in his bathtub, but he better know better than to ask me to watch his pets. If you get roped into watching a pet, here are some tips […]
Fresh Fish: From Fish Bowl to Toilet Bowl
July 11, 2011
Our goldfish, Aunt Agatha, recently died after a two day battle with floatsidewaysitis. (Note: If you name your goldfish Aunt Agatha or Uncle Fred, you can use their deaths to get out of social engagements. “I can’t come to your son’s bar mitzvah because Aunt Agatha died. The children aren’t handling it well at well. […]
My Genius Cat Megatron
March 10, 2011
Eventually, every pet owner faces the ethical question: How much is my pet worth to me? If the veterinarian says $75, I don’t hesitate to pay. If she says $1,200 in order to prolong life for a year, I need to think about it. If she suggests an extremely experimental human-to-cat kidney transplant–well, that’s going […]
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