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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
How to Give Bad News
Giving someone bad news is tough. Whether it’s a break up, a layoff, or telling my friend Todd I’m unable to repay the money he didn’t know I’d borrowed, everyone dreads those awkward conversations. I read a story about a woman in China who faked her own kidnapping and death to avoid having to break […]
Posted in: Advice
Yoko Ono’s Wishing Tree
January 10, 2022
I recently visited a sculpture garden out in the Hamptons, and the tour guide showed us a wish tree donated by Yoko Ono. There were little slips of paper and pencils and the guide told us, “You write your wish, tie it to the tree, and Yoko Ono says maybe your wish might come true.” […]
Posted in: humor
It’s All Chinese Whispers to Me
August 14, 2019
I’m Somewhere Where I Don’t Know Where I Am I’ve lived abroad for fifteen years of my adult life, spent years studying foreign languages–both German and Chinese, and made international friends from all over. The memories are starting to blur together. Do you remember the time We were eating Italian food After Chinese class With […]
Posted in: humor
Let Me Join Your Conspiracy Theory
July 31, 2019
I loved James Bond as a kid. I can tell I’m getting older, maybe a little grumpier, because in recent movies, I still root for James Bond to win, but the super-villain is starting to make a lot of sense. James Bond villains don’t get enough respect. My background is in project management and I know it must take a lot of creativity, ambition and project management organizational skills to almost pull off a conspiracy in a world where everyone skims emails.
Posted in: humor
You’ve Been Tying Your Shoelaces Wrong
April 27, 2017
Breaking News: According to the International Institute for Studies, studies have shown more studies are needed. Study 1: Science on a shoestring budget This is embarrassing. I’ve been tying my shoelaces wrong for three decades. Scientists have solved the mystery of why our shoelaces untie when we walk. A team at UC Berkley spent two […]
Posted in: Breaking News Fixed, humor
The Canceling Plans Revolution
February 28, 2017
When I look back at my life I realize all my happiest moments involved plans falling through. When Mom flips through a photo album and talks about the big moments in life that brought her joy, a wedding, a family reunion, a child’s piano recital, I realize all of my happiest, most fulfilling moments have […]
80% of Success is Showing Up. 20% is Never Leaving
January 11, 2017
‘80% of success in life is just showing up.’ I like to remember that saying when setting resolutions for the new year. Success isn’t about hard work. It’s about showing up to parties you weren’t invited to. The origins of the saying are uncertain. Some attribute the quote to Woody Allen, but others say it […]
FREE. The Confused Man’s Guide to Publishing Success
November 2, 2016
I carefully consider each rejection I receive, and I’m sorry to say that yours isn’t a perfect fit for me. I do appreciate that you wrote to me and wish you the very best luck finding a different writer to reject.
At Last, London Hipsters Have Created a Café for Cat Ladies
October 13, 2016
We recently adopted a kitten and last week I took her for a round of vaccinations. The next day I took my 12-year-old son for a round of vaccinations. The cat was much easier. Part of the problem is that society frowns on transporting children in pet carriers. (When my oldest son and I went […]
Posted in: cats
‘Loudly Amorous Guests’ and the 10 Most Aggravating Travelers
September 20, 2016
I just finished a month performing a one-man standup show in Scotland as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and after a month of traveling I feel especially qualified to comment on this survey by Expedia asking 1,000 Americans to name the behaviors they find most aggravating in fellow hotel guests. 29% complained about the […]
Posted in: Travel
Dr. Heimlich, Ebola, and the Strange Case of Jennifer Herpes
June 2, 2016
The 96-year-old inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver, Dr. Henry Heimlich used the technique last week to save an 87-year-old woman choking on a piece of meat. This was the first time Dr. Heimlich had used the maneuver to save a life, though he’d used it many times to save on drinks: ‘Who wants to cough […]
Posted in: humor
Revenge of the Rubik’s Cube Nerds
May 26, 2016
Last weekend I accompanied my 12-year-old son as he competed in an all day Rubik’s Cube competition. It was exhausting. Not for him but for me. After just an hour my voice was already hoarse from shouting, ‘Nerd. Nerd. Nerd. You and you and you. Nerds.’ But the nerds were everywhere. My sons keep telling […]
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