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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »cats«
Goodbye, Megatron
After eight years of constantly being startled, our cat Megatron died two days before Christmas. I’ve loved animals all my life and have had dozens of pets over the years, but I spent more time with Megatron than any of them. I worked from home for six of her eight years and she spent anywhere […]
Busting the Baby Boom
May 2, 2012
I like kids but I don’t like babies. Babies have always struck me as insincere, like cats. Babies and cats are both cute but you get the feeling the cuteness is all an act to trick you into feeding them and overlooking their ruining of leather furniture. When a friend visits our house with a […]
Chinglish Pet Care
February 5, 2012
I visited a local pet store on Friday. It’s a good thing pets can’t read because they ‘d probably be alarmed if they saw their owners buying either of the products below: Apparently this Friend Baby product for ‘syrup-black to rid of vermin’ either tastes like insect candy or will taste like candy to insects. […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Does My Pet Dove Poop on My Computer Because She Hates My Writing?
October 5, 2011
Today’s question comes from Spectra of spectrumwoman.com, who wonders whether her pet dove is expressing distaste for her writing by pooping on her computer. Because the question regards pets, my cat, Megatron, has volunteered to be a guest panelist. When I say she volunteered, I mean I’ll chase her back and forth across my keyboard. […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince My Children I’m Smarter Than They Are?
August 17, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my time-wasting robot, Philo T-2000, who has been watching reruns of Oprah to enable him to understand human emotions and give applicable advice. The first question comes from Jamie of The Life of Jamie. Allow me to recommend Jamie by saying she’s displayed excellent taste by disliking all the same […]
Congratulations Caption Contest Winner! Enjoy Your Moderate Lucky Feeling!
March 16, 2011
Congratulations to MattJ who has been awarded a ‘moderate’ lucky feeling for the following caption: Thank you for your many excellent submissions. Many of these made me laugh, and I had difficulty narrowing it down to a pool of three from which I let my cat Megatron choose her favorite. If you thought your submission […]
My Genius Cat Megatron
March 10, 2011
Eventually, every pet owner faces the ethical question: How much is my pet worth to me? If the veterinarian says $75, I don’t hesitate to pay. If she says $1,200 in order to prolong life for a year, I need to think about it. If she suggests an extremely experimental human-to-cat kidney transplant–well, that’s going […]
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The Good Greatsby 
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