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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »comedy«
Opening Night Nerves
Tonight is opening night. I’m waiting in the dressing room to go out in less than an hour to play Inspector Hound in Tom Stoppard’s The Real Inspector Hound. Some actors are superstitious and like to follow the same rituals before every show. The only tradition I follow is to call the director fifteen minutes […]
Making Ourselves at Home at Your Home
June 22, 2012
When my wife and I are invited into someone’s house and are greeted with the offer “Make yourself at home,” we consider this to be a broad legal cover for any of our bad behavior. If I hit on my wife at home, and I’m making myself at home at your home, how can you […]
The Prime Minister’s Literal Pub Crawl
June 20, 2012
The British Prime Minister, David Cameron, was recently embarrassed upon the revelation he had left his 8-year-old daughter behind after the family visited a pub. Apparently two of his children rode in one car with Cameron’s wife and his wife assumed the 8-year-old was riding in a second car with the Prime Minister. You may […]
My Son, the Model Student
June 18, 2012
Last week my wife filled out a form for our kids’ applications to a new international school they’ll attend in the fall. I was eager to help and filled out a page for our eight-year-old son, The Fonz. When my wife saw my answers she took the rest of the packet away from me. 1. […]
Things You Don’t Want to Hear Whispered from the Changing Room Ceiling
June 14, 2012
I’m not a fan of changing rooms. How can a clothing store spend millions of dollars on clothing design, marketing, and store layout, and spend nothing on dressing room lighting? I know it’s not just me because I looked dashing in the mirror at home and looked terrible an hour later at H&M. I always […]
Even More from the Search Engine Oracle
June 11, 2012
I get a lot of variations of this question in my search terms: is he secretly in love with me Yes, he’s in love with you. But no, it’s not a secret. Everyone knows but you. He wanted to tell you but I convinced him to hold off in the hopes that you’d increase your […]
An Interview with Optimist Prime–Part 2
June 8, 2012
Yesterday we attended Optimist Prime’s graduation from elementary school. He’s growing up so fast. It seems like only a year ago he was a year younger than he is now. And it seems like only yesterday when I made that same joke to him at his elementary school graduation. He’s only ten but he just […]
Evidence of the Zombie Apocalypse
June 5, 2012
The Center for Disease Control has issued a denial of any zombie apocalypse in the wake of multiple bizarre zombie-like attacks last week. The CDC says there’s no zombie apocalypse, but isn’t that what you’d expect them to say if there was a zombie apocalypse? The denial of a zombie apocalypse is therefore inversely the […]
If it Was a Snake it Would Have Bit You
June 1, 2012
A serpent-handling pastor in West Virginia was bitten and killed by one of those very serpents he handled. To make the story even more comically tragic, this pastor had watched years earlier as his pastor father was bitten and killed by a snake. There’s a certain poetic symmetry in dying in the same manner as […]
The Bieb Wanted for Questioning
May 30, 2012
Justin Bieber has been accused of roughing up a photographer who tried to take pictures of him at a shopping center. Apparently the photographer was minding his own business when the hulking 5’1″, 80-pound Bieber snapped and brutally manhandled him. Miraculously, the photographer survived the incident and was taken to a local hospital where doctors […]
Paul’s Friendship Survey
May 28, 2012
At the end of every Friday or Saturday night on the town, I like to hand my friends a friendship survey to help me evaluate my performance and highlight areas needing improvement: Friendship Survey 1. How would you rate hanging out with Paul on a scale of 1 to 10? 2. Would you recommend hanging […]
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