Yesterday we attended Optimist Prime’s graduation from elementary school. He’s growing up so fast. It seems like only a year ago he was a year younger than he is now.
And it seems like only yesterday when I made that same joke to him at his elementary school graduation.
He’s only ten but he just finished sixth grade because he skipped a year in school, not because he was smart, but because we wanted him to develop the chip on his shoulder that comes from being the shortest kid in PE. He may not score a lot of points on the basketball court, but he always leads in fouls.
Now that OP’s an elementary school graduate, it’s time we trusted him with a little more responsibility. I sat down with OP to get his perspective on graduation and to find out what additional responsibilities he’d be willing to take on.
Me: Do you feel you’re ready for some more responsibility?
OP: I guess so.
Me: From now on you’re in charge of our passports, visas, and taxes.
OP: No. I’m too young for that, Dad.
Me: If I handed you a gun and asked you to hide it for me, would you do it no questions asked?
OP: I’d ask questions.
Me: What question would you ask?
OP: Why do you want me to hide this gun?
Me: Because Mom and I are playing a game called ‘Find the Gun’ and we need you to hide it for us but don’t mention to her that I told you about the game.
OP: Uh…
Me: If the police came to you and asked if you knew where I was last night, and you hadn’t seen me last night, how would you answer?
OP: I’d say I hadn’t seen you last night.
Me: That’s the wrong answer. Try again.
OP: I’d say you were at home playing video games with me.
Me: The more details the better.
OP: We were playing Madden 11 while drinking soda and Mom was sleeping and my brother was sleeping and we were eating ice cream and it was from nine to twelve.
Me: Good answer. Are you ready to get a job so you can contribute?
OP: I’d like to get a job but not to contribute.
Me: I liked the speech you gave at graduation. I couldn’t help but notice I wasn’t mentioned.
OP: Uh…
Me: Do you like pie?
OP: Yes.
Me: Would you be surprised if I told you there was a graduation pie for you in the refrigerator?
OP: Yes!
Me: Duly noted. I’ll make sure and have a graduation pie for when you finish high school.
OP:
Me: I actually did get you a graduation pie but Mom thought your chances of graduating elementary school were so slim that she ate it. Who do you love more, Mom or Dad?
OP: I love you both for different reasons.
Me: Can I guess the reason you love Mom? Is it because she doesn’t play football with you every day like I do?
OP:
Me: Congratulations again on your graduation. There’s nothing you can’t do. Except drugs. And a whole list of other things I don’t want you to do. The list is under your pillow.
The Good Greatsby 
thelifeofjamie
June 8, 2012
I am going to have to conduct interviews like these when my kids get older, solely for the purpose of confusing the hell out of them!
susielindau
June 8, 2012
Way to Go Opitmus Prime! Keep going…..
Congratulations to the graduate!
A Gripping Life
June 8, 2012
Passports, visas, taxes!!! Haha!
Spectra
June 8, 2012
My Favorite response:
OP:
Jen
June 9, 2012
Mine too 🙂
Elyse
June 9, 2012
Mine three!
mistyslaws
June 8, 2012
Hmmm, he had that description of your night together pretty readily available and with a good amount of details. You have trained him well. I believe he is ready for the next phase of accomplice training . . . help with body burial.
Audrey
June 9, 2012
Congrats to O.P.! This was an awesome interview, by the way. Now, where’s that pie?
List of X
June 9, 2012
I completely agree with Optimist about the job. I don’t want a job where I will contribute, I want the job where I get paid. And I think I am too young for taxes too.
The Good Greatsby
June 9, 2012
I’ll always assumed he would happily contribute to my retirement fund and I’d be able to retire in a few more years.
She's a Maineiac
June 9, 2012
Congratulations to OP! It is very bittersweet when our kids keep insisting on growing up. I’m sure you are a little teary-eyed? Or is it just because there’s no pie left?
The Good Greatsby
June 9, 2012
The more I talked about that pie, the more I thought we might have some. Those feelings of disappointment blocked out any emotion I might have felt at OP’s graduation.
Soma Mukherjee
June 9, 2012
Congratulations OP 🙂
A kid who says nothing when thrown a googly ..wow he is already a pro…
Laura
June 9, 2012
Congrats to OP. I hope he’s enjoying his pie-free day and his list of forbidden activities. You guys really know how to party.
1pointperspective
June 10, 2012
I don’t understand all of these misplaced congratulations. While graduating elementary school is certainly noteworthy, it’s clear to me that the kudos should be going to you, GG for having helped raise an elementary school graduate. Hat’s off to you sir, for a job well done!
Breaking Chase
June 10, 2012
Wow! Your son is really smart! My kids (son that’s 10, daughter 5) are just plain strange. When my son was three, he asked me how a flashlight worked after staring at the lit bulb for a good five minutes and then unscrewing it to remove the batteries. By the time he was done dismantling the whole thing, figuring it out, it didn’t work anymore.
Dana
June 11, 2012
I’m with OP on this one. I’d like a job where I didn’t have to contribute or worry about taxes. I’m cool with passports, though.
thesinglecell
June 11, 2012
OP is now in charge of my passport. Which I cannot find. Again. Also that bit about wanting to get a job but not contribute is how we got into that mess on Wall Street. So, heads-up on that.
gerknoop
June 12, 2012
What a hoot! Congrats to OP…..love his reply……
OP:
crampmystyle
June 15, 2012
OP has some very diplomatic responses, I say skip middle school while he’s still in the habit of skipping grades, and just send him straight off to law school!
yellowcat
June 15, 2012
Remember, your kids pick out your nursing home. 🙂
madsbrooke
June 18, 2012
I actually cried with laughter, this is brilliant! I think your blog just booted itself to my #1 favourite. And I only stumbled across it ten minutes ago.
Nidhi Shrivastava
June 18, 2012
Congrats OP. I think he enjoys this..
HoaiPhai
June 25, 2012
Wow, OP got an actual graduation ceremony from grade school? All I got was a final report card (which resulted in me getting grounded by Mom for the first two weeks of summer vacation) and the satisfaction of hearing my teachers’ sighs when they realized that they’d probably never ever have to see me again, letting me know that in some small way I had made a difference.