An Interview with Optimist Prime–Part 2

Posted on June 8, 2012


Yesterday we attended Optimist Prime’s graduation from elementary school. He’s growing up so fast. It seems like only a year ago he was a year younger than he is now.

And it seems like only yesterday when I made that same joke to him at his elementary school graduation.

He’s only ten but he just finished sixth grade because he skipped a year in school, not because he was smart, but because we wanted him to develop the chip on his shoulder that comes from being the shortest kid in PE. He may not score a lot of points on the basketball court, but he always leads in fouls.

Now that OP’s an elementary school graduate, it’s time we trusted him with a little more responsibility. I sat down with OP to get his perspective on graduation and to find out what additional responsibilities he’d be willing to take on.

Me: Do you feel you’re ready for some more responsibility?

OP: I guess so.

Me: From now on you’re in charge of our passports, visas, and taxes.

OP: No. I’m too young for that, Dad.

Me: If I handed you a gun and asked you to hide it for me, would you do it no questions asked?

OP: I’d ask questions.

Me: What question would you ask?

OP: Why do you want me to hide this gun?

Me: Because Mom and I are playing a game called ‘Find the Gun’ and we need you to hide it for us but don’t mention to her that I told you about the game.

OP: Uh…

Me: If the police came to you and asked if you knew where I was last night, and you hadn’t seen me last night, how would you answer?

OP: I’d say I hadn’t seen you last night.

Me: That’s the wrong answer. Try again.

OP: I’d say you were at home playing video games with me.

Me: The more details the better.

OP: We were playing Madden 11 while drinking soda and Mom was sleeping and my brother was sleeping and we were eating ice cream and it was from nine to twelve.

Me: Good answer. Are you ready to get a job so you can contribute?

OP: I’d like to get a job but not to contribute.

Me: I liked the speech you gave at graduation. I couldn’t help but notice I wasn’t mentioned.

OP: Uh…

Me: Do you like pie?

OP: Yes.

Me: Would you be surprised if I told you there was a graduation pie for you in the refrigerator?

OP: Yes!

Me: Duly noted. I’ll make sure and have a graduation pie for when you finish high school.


Me: I actually did get you a graduation pie but Mom thought your chances of graduating elementary school were so slim that she ate it. Who do you love more, Mom or Dad?

OP: I love you both for different reasons.

Me: Can I guess the reason you love Mom? Is it because she doesn’t play football with you every day like I do?


Me: Congratulations again on your graduation. There’s nothing you can’t do. Except drugs. And a whole list of other things I don’t want you to do. The list is under your pillow.

Posted in: Family