Things You Don’t Want to Hear Whispered from the Changing Room Ceiling

Posted on June 14, 2012


I’m not a fan of changing rooms. How can a clothing store spend millions of dollars on clothing design, marketing, and store layout, and spend nothing on dressing room lighting? I know it’s not just me because I looked dashing in the mirror at home and looked terrible an hour later at H&M.

I always imagine someone hiding in the dressing room ceiling and being terribly disappointed with what they’re seeing. Here’s a list of you things you never want to hear whispered from the dressing room ceiling.

If you move to Alaska it’s never swimsuit season.

Take it off. Take it off. Put it back on! Put it back on!

Were you surprised when you learned a tramp stamp was a tattoo and not just a stamp?

I think I went to high school with that guy. It wasn’t worth $10 to watch him change back then either.

This changing room isn’t big enough for the both of us.

If you want a second opinion to go with the mirror, I’m going to have to side with the mirror. Honey, it ain’t the lighting.

You’re not going to win him back wearing horizontal stripes.

Did you know some religions encourage you to cover your face and body with black at all times? They say black is very slimming.

Oh, I get it. It’s one of those new ironic swimsuits.

Nickel slot? Try silver dollar slot.

Who’s this Roger I keep reading about on all your tattoos?

For your sake I hope objects in mirror are NOT closer than they appear.

Posted in: Columns