I’m not a fan of changing rooms. How can a clothing store spend millions of dollars on clothing design, marketing, and store layout, and spend nothing on dressing room lighting? I know it’s not just me because I looked dashing in the mirror at home and looked terrible an hour later at H&M.
I always imagine someone hiding in the dressing room ceiling and being terribly disappointed with what they’re seeing. Here’s a list of you things you never want to hear whispered from the dressing room ceiling.
If you move to Alaska it’s never swimsuit season.
Take it off. Take it off. Put it back on! Put it back on!
Were you surprised when you learned a tramp stamp was a tattoo and not just a stamp?
I think I went to high school with that guy. It wasn’t worth $10 to watch him change back then either.
This changing room isn’t big enough for the both of us.
If you want a second opinion to go with the mirror, I’m going to have to side with the mirror. Honey, it ain’t the lighting.
You’re not going to win him back wearing horizontal stripes.
Did you know some religions encourage you to cover your face and body with black at all times? They say black is very slimming.
Oh, I get it. It’s one of those new ironic swimsuits.
Nickel slot? Try silver dollar slot.
Who’s this Roger I keep reading about on all your tattoos?
For your sake I hope objects in mirror are NOT closer than they appear.
The Good Greatsby 
prttynpnk
June 14, 2012
or , ‘it puts the lotion on it’s skin’ ……
derekberry
June 17, 2012
Classic.
Vanessa Chapman
June 14, 2012
I totally agree about the lighting – why don’t the stores get it that the better you look in their mirrors, the more likely you are to buy their clothes?
Curly Carly
June 14, 2012
Exactly! There must be some freaky reverse psychology going on. Maybe they think you’ll buy more when you’re feeling sad and vulnerable?
Vanessa Chapman
June 14, 2012
Well if that’s what they’re trying I think they’re making a BIG mistake. I want to be delighted by how I look in their mirrors otherwise I will go find another store that does know how to make me look better than I really do!
The Good Greatsby
June 14, 2012
It seems pretty basic. I would expect the stores to have a mirror that made me look unreasonably good, not unreasonably bad.
Laura
June 14, 2012
I never hear anything whispered from the changing room ceiling. I just hear giggling.
The Good Greatsby
June 15, 2012
And giggling can be interpreted in so many ways. I prefer to think of it as supportive giggling.
A Gripping Life
June 14, 2012
Moaning and groaning. Heavy breathing.
Curly Carly
June 14, 2012
Everytime I go into a changing room I’m perplexed by the lighting. I’m also encouraged that if I ever open a clothing store (not happening), it’ll be really successful because the lighting will make you look phenomenal. Don’t stores realize that people buy stuff that looks good and don’t buy stuff that makes them cry in the dressing room?
Ape No. 1
June 14, 2012
Haha! I am now tempted to go into a shop and ask for an ironic swimsuit.
qwinkly3
June 15, 2012
Ceiling whispers: Dearie, I think you should go for an IRON swimsuit.
Ape No. 1
June 15, 2012
Haha! From stark naked to Tony Stark naked.
qwinkly3
June 15, 2012
Haha, the joke’s back on me. I had to look that one up.
My joke was furthering the fat joke about an ironic swimsuit. I was implying that Ape needed something even stronger than spandex to hold those rolls in.
Your joke – much better !
gerknoop
June 14, 2012
I agree the lighting thing just baffles me! Why can’t they figure that out? That has always been a puzzle to me. Also, EVERY time I’m in a dressing room I fear someone is watching me! LOL So far no comments like that….although I do have a slight hearing problem. LOL
Spectra
June 18, 2012
WARNING! Several years back, her Highness Oprah did a show on dressing rooms; they DO indeed have hidden cameras in there – it’s no joke. They even showed tapes. The reasoning is you are still in their store, and as they have security cams on the showroom floor, they extend the surveilence into THEIR dressing rooms, right over the changing stalls or behind those mirrors. Her Majesty Oprah had said on that show she just assumed a room full of gawky security guards were looking at her big butt while she dressed.
I find the very thought horriffic and never try on clothes in stores. To exact revenge for their peeping Tom ways, I buy, take it home, wear it for a few days, get it nice and sweaty (but leave on the tags) then return it. BwahaHa ha – jokes on you, you Corporate Pervs!
She's a Maineiac
June 14, 2012
Oh yeah, the lighting is always terrible. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought something only because they happened to be playing a certain song I really like. “Ooh! I LOVE this song! So what if I look like a beached whale in this swimsuit, this song makes me feel good…so screw it, I’m buying it anyway!”
The Good Greatsby
June 15, 2012
When the music playing in the changing room matches the soundtrack in my head, I can’t help believing it’s a sign I should make the purchase.
Michelle Gillies
June 14, 2012
If you really want a positive experience while looking in the dressing room mirror check out what this store did for their clients http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Tird66YQbZA#!
I would shop there!
RFL
June 14, 2012
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to discard the winning him back with horizontal stripes idea.
susielindau
June 14, 2012
There have been times when I have gotten self-conscious and felt I was being watched. Stores often have those spy cams in dressing rooms so I probably was. That’s when the show began and instead of just pulling my clothes off, I slowly strip teased…… 🙂
Howlin' Mad Heather
June 14, 2012
I don’t do those anymore…too paranoid about pervs with cell phone cameras. Not that I’d make great pornographic theater or anything, but still…
pegoleg
June 14, 2012
You mean it’s not just paranoia that makes me suspect somebody is watching me in the dressing room? Damn! That’s one psychosis I didn’t mind having. Switching to online ordering.
Tori Nelson
June 14, 2012
Creepy… and somehow hilarious. I definitely do the “look around” as I’m changing in a dressing room. I’m just convinced this one room in this one Gap in this one podunk town will be equipped with cameras. I always eye the little sweater-folding guys as I’m leaving, just sure that they’ve seen my lady bits.
Go Jules Go
June 14, 2012
Ha! I am so glad you brought this up. I really don’t understand why dept. stores don’t invest in some sort of ‘slimming’ lighting, or those silk screens they use to make actresses look younger – can’t they do some funhouse effect with the mirrors? I’m perfectly fine with being lied to; they’ve already changed the sizes to make us feel better.
nancyfrancis
June 14, 2012
Frankly I’m more concerned about the voice I hear coming from the next stall in public toilets…
The Good Greatsby
June 15, 2012
That sounds like another post.
qwinkly3
June 15, 2012
Have you ever replied to the lady in the next stall when she asked some generic question out of the blue, just to figure out too late that she’s on her cellphone?
nancyfrancis
June 15, 2012
I generally discourage talking once you’re in the stall – it never ceases to amaze me at work when you enter the bathroom talking shop with someone and they KEEP TALKING while you’re both in your respective stalls. I think its highly inappropriate to discuss deployment strategy when we can hear eachother peeing. Just saying.
DiatribesAndOvations.com
June 14, 2012
I can’t remember the last time I used a fitting room. I belong to the buy-it-bring-it-home-try-it-on-there-if-it-doesn’t-fit-take-it-back club. (I stepped on a straight pin once … long story.)
Tor Constantino, MBA (@torcon)
June 14, 2012
“While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I now wish bee stingers were in my eyes after what I just beheld.”
The Good Greatsby
June 14, 2012
Ha! Nicely done.
davidrothbauer
June 14, 2012
This is why I dress in nothing but body paint. Home Depot doesn’t have change rooms.
The Good Greatsby
June 15, 2012
I still like to try on my body paint before purchase, although it’s a bit hard to return if I don’t like it.
spilledinkguy
June 15, 2012
Another reason I stick to plain black t-shirts.
The Good Greatsby
June 15, 2012
And you don’t try those on first?
spilledinkguy
June 15, 2012
There’s got to be at least one benefit to staying the exact same bean-pole size for15 years, right?!
mistyslaws
June 15, 2012
You had me at “things you don’t want to hear in dressing room ceilings.” And by had me, I actually mean that I ran screaming out of my dressing room as I imagined some creepy stalker with a video camera getting ready to edit my disrobing with slow mo and 70’s porn music.
Audrey
June 15, 2012
This is awesome!
Just stay out of my dressing room. I don’t want to hear ceiling creeper comments!
notesfromrumbleycottage
June 15, 2012
“Did you know some religions encourage you to cover your face and body with black at all times? They say black is very slimming.”
Such a shame those same religions seem to hate women.
Carl D'Agostino
June 15, 2012
Don’t leave your wallet in pants when you walk out to show everyone the fit of the new pants because then the fitting room elf steals it and now you can’t buy the pants.
JDavis
June 16, 2012
I never listen to the ceiling anyway, the mirror says enough.
mj monaghan
June 17, 2012
Fitting room? What’s that? 🙂
qwinkly3
June 17, 2012
It’s this teeny little square yard room that you hope you still fit in.
crampmystyle
June 17, 2012
Great post! And I’ve noticed “Ironic swimsuits” are quite the trend. Well, for me anyway. That’s what the ceiling seems to tell me every time.
Nidhi Shrivastava
June 18, 2012
Good post. Even I agree about lighting. Stores must re think…
Chikashi Miyamoto
June 18, 2012
Reblogged this on Chikashi Miyamoto.
JM Randolph
June 20, 2012
The worst are the fitting rooms with no doors.