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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Columns«
Gobble, Gobble
For any international readers not familiar with American Thanksgiving, the simplest explanation is to think of it as a day when family gathers from far and wide to celebrate the great American tradition of overeating. Thanksgiving is a special day when hearts swell with gratitude…also with the symptoms of heart disease. Swelling of the stomach […]
Saturday Side Salad
November 19, 2011
My favorite search term this week: justin bieber takes fraternety test I think the searcher meant paternity test because Bieber is only sixteen years old and won’t need to worry about joining a college fraternity for a couple more years. He definitely should put fraternity considerations on a back burner until he sorts out this […]
Saturday Snack
November 12, 2011
The Fonz is having a great year in 2nd grade. He’s never been so excited about learning and corners me throughout the day to tell me about the solar system or compound words. Of course I was happy to see how enthused he was about learning, but my happiness began to fade this past week […]
Come Again? (Guest Contribution at Educlaytion)
November 11, 2011
Clay over at Educlaytion asked me to contribute to a post on the random things you might say to confuse people who are eavesdropping. Sometimes I suspect the couple at the table next to me seems to be straining to listen in on my conversation, and this is why I always have a snippet of […]
Why Doesn’t Everyone Like Me as Much as LinkedIn?
November 8, 2011
Dear LinkedIn, How have I suddenly become so popular, so connected, so linked in? Every day I get another email inviting me to join someone’s network on LinkedIn. All of a sudden I’m Mr. Popular even though I can’t remember the last time anyone ever invited me to a party without first asking if my wife […]
Saturday Platter
November 5, 2011
When the kids were considering Halloween costumes, The Fonz wished Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak existed so he could go as the invisible man. I told him I’d actually read a story about scientists developing an invisibility cloak and he grew excited. “How much does it cost?” “It’s not for sale. It’s just an experiment.” “Where […]
The Take a Sip Punctuation
November 3, 2011
In comedy, there are many differences between the written and the spoken word. One of my favorite kinds of humor is the paraprosdokian, a figure of speech where the latter part of the sentence changes what you had expected based on the first part. If there’s one thing I really like about him…I can’t think […]
Happy Halloween!
October 31, 2011
We decorated our yard for Halloween yesterday, and because most people don’t genuinely fear plastic skeletons and fake cobwebs, I always like to include something that plays on a genuine fear. This year I chose fear of flying: I’m really pleased with how the smoke turned out. The trick-or-treaters will be here any minute, but […]
Saturday Hallowiener
October 29, 2011
My seven-year-old son, The Fonz, came downstairs and told his brother, “I just made a book and you can’t read it.” Optimist Prime barely looked up from his book before answering, “Okay.” “It’s full of secrets and you can’t see any of them.” “That’s fine.” “It’s full of secret codes and mysteries. Not even you […]
Scary Posts You May Have Missed
October 27, 2011
I complied a list of past posts that might be relevant before Halloween and guarantee you’ll be the hit of every party. In yesterday’s post some readers mentioned they weren’t familiar with Rebecca Black of ‘Friday’ fame, maybe because they were too busy wasting time reading books. Read how the song Friday haunted me so […]
What Do Justin Bieber, Gaddhafi’s Hat, and Hanging Chads Have in Common?
October 26, 2011
Just when you thought you had the perfect topical Halloween costume planned, the biebshell story broke late yesterday. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez adopted a puppy together. And now isn’t it obvious everyone at your office will be scrambling to jump on the biebwagon and create a GoBiebz puppy costume? You probably remember exactly where […]
Monsters Groan For Equal Rights
October 25, 2011
Monsters have made great strides in the last few decades as society becomes more and more tolerant and chooses to celebrate our differences. This means vampires, zombies, and werewolves have emerged from the shadows figuratively, although they often remain in the shadows literally. But some critics worry tolerance of monsters has gone too far and […]
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November 22, 2011
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