In comedy, there are many differences between the written and the spoken word. One of my favorite kinds of humor is the paraprosdokian, a figure of speech where the latter part of the sentence changes what you had expected based on the first part.
If there’s one thing I really like about him…I can’t think of it.
These require a bit of a pause between the two halves and this is much easier to indicate in spoken comedy than in written comedy. I use these all the time in spoken conversation, and I like to clear my throat, or swallow, or take a sip of a drink to give the listener at least two to three seconds between halves because we’re trained to skip ahead and assume what’s coming next.
If there’s one thing I can’t stand about black people…(take a sip of my drink)…that would make me a racist.
This gives the listener enough time to assume the worst or assume the best before I go in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, the written word doesn’t seem to have any punctuation that does the paraprosdokian justice because readers won’t pause long enough at a comma, dash, colon, semicolon, or ellipses to give the brain enough time to make any headway in the wrong direction.
I’m open to any suggestions for new punctuation that will indicate the reader should unassumingly think about the first part for two to three seconds before moving on. Think about all the comedic possibilities for the written word if we could properly punctuate the following:
When I met your new boyfriend, at first I didn’t like him…(take a sip)…but then I got to know him better…(clear throat)…and felt even better about my first impression.
Things may seem bad now, but after a good night’s sleep and a chance to think things through…(take a sip)…you’ll understand how screwed you really are.
That dress is such a great color…(take a sip)…for someone with darker hair than yours.
Every cloud has a silver lining…(take a sip)…is what people will stop saying after they hear about your situation.
I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy…(take a sip)…until I’d tried it out on you first.
Hate is such a strong word…(take a sip)…which is why I choose that word.
He had a face only a mother could love…(take a sip)…which is how he realized he was adopted.
If there’s anything you need or any way to help or you just need to talk…(take a sip)…why not give your parents a call?
As you may have guessed, I end up finishing my drinks pretty fast. By the way, I’m not big on insults and wouldn’t actually say any of these to anyone, but I do like the literary possibilities. Any punctuation suggestions?
The Good Greatsby 
She's a Maineiac
November 3, 2011
No suggestions…but I clicked on the like button, does that help you?——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
No? Then my job here is done.
The Good Greatsby
November 3, 2011
But we need one button that will insert twenty dashes at once.
13,000th comment!
Sid (@SidMILB)
November 3, 2011
I like to put mine…[in brackets]…in a very naughty place.
The Good Greatsby
November 3, 2011
Nicely done.
thoughtsappear
November 3, 2011
I just use ellipses. Lots and lots of ellipses.
Maybe if you insert “TAS”? Please will pause long enough to try to figure out what it means before moving on. Or is that too distracting?
How about ~-*-~? That squiggly thing is totally underused.
The Good Greatsby
November 3, 2011
‘TAS’ is a good suggestion and I’m also in favor of using the squiggly thing. I can’t remember the last time I used the squiggly thing and it makes me feel guilty.
bearmancartoons
November 3, 2011
paraprosdokian (pause) before I can help you better use it, I need to figure out how to pronounce it.
Kathryn McCullough
November 3, 2011
How about the obvious– [realllllllllllly lllllllllloooooooong pauuuuuuuuuuuse——-no, no looooooooonger]–?
gerknoop
November 3, 2011
I use the …….. WAY to much. I am glad you did this post. I now can see that it probably isn’t working! When my english major friend helps edit the things I write (which obviously isn’t very often) she always takes them out. I don’t want them taken out…..see? I WANT that dang pause there! What will I do now? I’m now in a quandary! All this time I thought I was getting my point across with those little ……s
The Good Greatsby
November 3, 2011
I’ve had the same experience that editors mostly don’t like ellipses. If they’re not sure of the effect you had hoped to achieve, they’ll err on the side of how it looks and for some reason they just don’t like the look.
shreejacob
November 3, 2011
The problem I think is that we are trained to read a few words ahead of any written piece (you could like insert some random stuff in parenthesis that would thoroughly confuse the reader..well sort off, make it like 2 or 3 words long) …takes a puff of my ciggie ..which is why this paraprosdokian thingy might work for someone that is a little slow on the reading skills department.
That wasn’t a very good example was it?
ichoosehappynow
November 3, 2011
Thank you “Great One” for teaching me a new word paraprosdokian. Now let’s see if I can get a 5 and 2 year old to say it so they can impress others….ha ha ha.
Cheers,
Louise
Byron MacLymont
November 3, 2011
It’s hard to think of what can do the job better than an ellipsis. You could insert a momentary distraction in parenthesis, to force the person to pause.
“I may not be the most handsome guy in the world… (what is the sound of one hand clapping?)… which is probably why my modeling career never took off.”
charlywalkerch
November 3, 2011
I just say it with out pauses……….
Spectra
November 3, 2011
I’m for adding a few well placed visuals to stall the eye: < '-}} ) <
( that’s supposed to be a fish, but I forgot how to make it)
The Good Greatsby
November 3, 2011
It might be a good idea to create images out of the punctuation and the reader might spend some time staring at it like a magic eye 3D poster, although I worry they might stare for hours and completely lose the thread of my joke.
pegoleg
November 3, 2011
Why not add “ellipses paraprosdokian ellipses” between clauses. That ought to slow everybody down as they rush off to Websters to get definitions.
Spectra
November 3, 2011
-what’s all this talk of ellipses? What’s an ellipse?
John Erickson
November 4, 2011
Isn’t that when the moon gets in front of the sun?
The Good Greatsby
November 3, 2011
That’s brilliant and seems like the most obvious solution.
sportsjim81
November 3, 2011
I was thinking that maybe you could add some sort of mathematical equation in between halves, nothing crazy like division or anything, just a simple addition problem. This would force the reader to stop long enough to complete the problem before moving on. The problem here is that for many people, math is not a “strong suit”, and therefore they may be distracted by the difficulty of the addition and forget the first part of the line. Then they would have to go back and read it again, only to arrive at the math problem for a second time and be frustrated by their lack of arithmetic skills. Eventually, after several attempts at the humor, only to be thwarted by the math, the reader would likely give up and you’ll never achieve the punchline you were hoping for.
Or perhaps you could simply insert the above paragraph into your writing…though it may be a longer pause than you were hoping for.
madtante
November 3, 2011
It seems you’re going to Dorothy Parkerisms (which probably have a specific literary term that having a crap education til uni, I missed).
The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
November 3, 2011
I would love to try your new recipe…
….
….
….
…. (what’s she going to say?)
………
…..
.
…(this is going to be so good)…
..
…
when you’re the last cook on earth.
Ok, not a joke teller. But I hope I have been helpful!
thelifeofjamie
November 3, 2011
I’m a big fan of the ellipses…but I can’t think of new punctuation…/or maybe I can>but then again, maybe I can’t.
Lenore Diane
November 3, 2011
Seeing as I talk to myself, I am completely fine with inserting a (taking a sip) in the middle of my paraprosdokians.
For the record, the ‘hate’ paraprosdokian was my favorite. My Mom (still) responds with ‘hate is a very strong word’ if she hears any of her kids use it. Sadly, I’ve heard myself say it to my boys (and others) when I hear the word used. I think (based on this comment alone) I use too many parenthesis(s).
Once again, GG, your writing skills impress me (taking a sip) marginally.
Paige Kellerman
November 3, 2011
I found it works best if you give the reader something to process, long enough to delay the punchline. For example:
I agree with you, Susan is a harlot….1+2×5 (8) + 5(55) = 4-3(23+789) …….
‘
‘
‘
‘
‘
‘(please solve for pi, here)
‘
‘
‘
‘
‘
‘
‘
‘
…..but she’s still your mother.
pattisj
November 4, 2011
Did someone say pie? Oh, pi. I was always hungry in algebra.
Laura
November 4, 2011
I would go with something simple, like the super-ellipse (……………………………….). Anything involving words, acronyms, or mathematical formulas would be great if you were just stalling for time — but I think they tend to distract the reader instead of building a sense of anticipation.
Laura
November 4, 2011
The difference between an ellipse and an ellipsis ……………………… is something I seem to have forgotten.
The Good Greatsby
November 4, 2011
Yes, I also worry about distracting the reader. I want the reader to pause and think about what’s coming next, but if they have to compute a mathematical formula, they’ll be unlikely to remember what I wanted them to be thinking about by the time they finish carrying over the 1.
Renee Schuls-Jacobson
November 4, 2011
I do the star thing. You know: *she paused and waited anxiously*
But I agree it doesn’t do the trick.
And speaking of tricks *takes a sip* there’s something you need to know about your mother. *takes another sip* She was a lovely woman, your mother. 😉
The Good Greatsby
November 4, 2011
I think we just need a keyboard button that will insert *takes a sip*.
Jackie Cangro
November 4, 2011
With all the sips you have to take, this would be a great drinking game.
The Good Greatsby
November 4, 2011
This is why I’m always on drink four by the time anyone else has finished drink one. And I wasn’t even thirsty.
Random
November 4, 2011
It looks like you have plenty of good ideas in your comments section already! If the writing is actually on paper, you could maybe try the old “(turn page over)” trick in place of the ellipsis.
On the computer screen is trickier (though the “turn over” thing might work for some people if it makes them actually turn themselves over before reading on). Maybe on the screen it would work to replace the ellipsis with “(see below)” followed by enough blank lines so they have to take the time to scroll down.
The tricky part is how far down to make the reader scroll. If it’s not far enough, people with super high resolution monitors might be able to see the second part at a glance, but if it’s too far, people with low resolution monitors might scroll and scroll and think there’s been some horrible mistake, after which they’ll probably curse you and try to blacklist you on the interwebs.
The Good Greatsby
November 4, 2011
Those are all good suggestions. I’ve tried ellipses with hard returns or with a picture breaking up the punchline, but they still seem inadequate.
John Erickson
November 4, 2011
How about a nice ][? Or maybe ]-[. A semi-tribute to Steve Jobs and his Apple ][, sort of a Recognizer from Tron, or a TIE fighter for you Star Wars fans.
(In case you’re wondering, my motto is “Reality is a crutch for those who can’t handle science fiction.” Explains a lot, don’t it? 😀 )
stuffialmostbought
November 4, 2011
If I had to choose a favourite word…(##)…what was I saying?
A Paraprosdokian is…(…)…a new way to challenge those with a sort attention span.
Amy
November 4, 2011
There’s always the good old fashioned “wait for it” phrase.
As in: I don’t like your blog (wait for it), I love it.
Tar-Buns
November 4, 2011
Well said, Amy. I agree…
Snoring Dog Studio
November 4, 2011
What’s wrong with using your hands, instead of the ellipse? People seem to be awfully fond of the air quotes – can you not imagine air ellipses? It might look like you’re playing the xylophone, but, as long as you don’t make noises like one, it could work. I have so many more ideas (visualize hands playing xylophone) but none worth sharing.
Ricky Anderson
November 4, 2011
Puncturing suggestions..
Knives
Needles
Other pointy objects
The Good Greatsby
November 4, 2011
Um…actually my request for puncturing suggestions was going to be tomorrow’s post, although my excitement for that idea has somewhat deflated.
Snoring Dog Studio
November 4, 2011
Puncturing! Funny!
Lunar Euphoria
November 4, 2011
I didn’t know there was a name for this phenomenon! I’m reminded of Ron White. He uses this device all the time. My favorite of his is about jeweler commercials:
Instead of saying “Diamonds….leave her speechless” why don’t they say what they really mean: “Diamonds….(take a sip)…that’ll shut her up.”
The Good Greatsby
November 4, 2011
That angle would certainly make me more supportive of those diamond commercials.
Binky
November 4, 2011
(one-one-thousand and one, one-one-thousand and two, one-one-thousand and three)
Ape No. 1
November 4, 2011
I would break up each joke into two separate posts to force a very long pause or perhaps have the first part of the joke as the plain text of a hyperlink and when you hover over the hyperlink to display the destination address it actually reveals the second part of the joke. Let’s see if it works.
If there is one thing I really like about him …
Carl D'Agostino
November 4, 2011
We received your manuscript and although your novel does not fit into our publishing aims we recommend you explore related fields in the writhing profession…(take a sip)… like working at a paper mill or pencil factory.
Snoring Dog Studio
November 4, 2011
Funny, Carl! The “writhing” part was hilarious – I knew you meant “writing” – It’s funny both ways!
Rachael Black
November 6, 2011
damn. still using the ….. method. Oldest trick in the book. BUT I did learn a new word today ‘paraprosdokian.’ Just rolls off the tongue, like yo ….. saliva.
I’ll never get into the OED at this rate.
Would probably write it this way: -takes a sip-
Which as you said would lead to full on alcoholism as opposed to functional alcoholism. It may be a risk I’ll have to take though.