Just when you thought you had the perfect topical Halloween costume planned, the biebshell story broke late yesterday.
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez adopted a puppy together. And now isn’t it obvious everyone at your office will be scrambling to jump on the biebwagon and create a GoBiebz puppy costume?
You probably remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when you learned about the GoBiebz puppy, especially if you learned about it by reading the story here a few seconds ago. And now you need a topical Halloween costume even more topical than GoBiebPupz because everyone knows if you can’t be clever, be topical. Of course, if you can combine clever and topical you’ll be the hit of every Halloween party. Or if you’re not the type to get invited to Halloween parties, well, maybe you should throw your own party and invite me to come, although I can’t guarantee attendance until I’ve asked around to find out why you’re the type of person who never gets invited to parties. If the reason has anything to do with multilevel marketing, I probably won’t come.
Here are a few topical suggestions that might be even cooler than GoPupzBieb:
Princess Beatrice’s fascinator
If you want to go easy, just make and wear the hat. If you want to go all out, create a giant fascinator you can fit inside and create a Forrest Gump-ish back story about your life and how you accidentally stumbled into becoming a part of history as Princess Beatrice’s hat.
Gaddhafi’s Hat
We know Gaddhafi is gone, but what happened to Gaddhafi’s hat? He’s been wearing that hat for decades and I kept expecting the news coverage to make some note of whether his hat had been held for questioning or damaged. Now I worry something terrible may have happened to the hat even though it was innocent of any crimes until proven guilty. The saddest part is knowing that hat only had two days left until retirement.
NBA Player
This costume is incredibly simple because the NBA is currently locked out. You don’t have to wear a uniform and can get by with just wearing a suit, although the suit will need to look like it cost 10,000 dollars. You’ll also need to be really, really tall. It will also help if you’re black.
Any of Rebecca Black’s friends ‘kickin’ in the front seat’ or ‘sittin’ in the back seat’ of the car in the Friday music video
Lots of people will dress as Rebecca Black, but wouldn’t it be even cooler to dress up as one of the girls who chose to sit in the back seat or one of the boys from the front seat? Or better yet, what if you and a friend dress up as a duo and one of you is the front seat and one of you is the back seat, and if you both meet someone you like, you can sing together, ” Kickin’ in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take?”
If none of these topical costumes feel like a match, you can go in the opposite direction and try for ironically untopical:
A hanging chad from 2000’s disputed presidential election
.
The Verizon Wireless “Can you hear me now?” guy first introduced in 2002.
Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction from 2004.
The Teapot Dome from the Teapot Dome scandal of 1922 that gave the Harding administration so much trouble.
The Good Greatsby 
Carl D'Agostino
October 26, 2011
Hanging chad. Who would have imagined? That night an omen hit me and I knew we would not know who won for some extended amount of time. Those stupid things really do hang to the punch cards. A more obvious foul up is that in one county 90,000 votes were for Pat Buchanan. The punch card columns were criss-crossed and from that Democrat-Jewish area all those votes were certainly for Gore giving him an incontestably win in Florida. Anyway I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000. So did 97,000 other Floridians.
The Good Greatsby
October 26, 2011
Ralph Nader might be another good addition to the ironically untopical list.
frigginloon
October 26, 2011
I dressed as a Hanging Chad a few years back and everyone thought I was a piece of cardboard 😦
Meet the Buttrams
October 26, 2011
Oh, thank goodness. I was wondering if Selena and Justin had reached the Adopt-a-Puppy stage in their relationship. I mean, if he didn’t commit to raising a puppy with her soon, I’m sure she would have started questioning his investment in this relationship.
They are just that much closer to a celebrity couple nickname worthy of the Celebrity Couple Nickname Hall of Fame.
Tori Nelson
October 26, 2011
Haha!
Todd Pack
October 26, 2011
Not as topical as the hanging chad costume, but what about wearing a generic football jersey and painting your face and wearing a funny wig and carrying a sign that says, “GO CEILING!” or “CEILING NO. 1” When someone asks what you’re supposed to be, say, “I’m a CEILING fan!”
Annie
October 26, 2011
Ha! Love it.
The Good Greatsby
October 26, 2011
That’s pretty good. I like costume ideas that seem like they could be put together quickly since I always hope I’m just about to be invited to a party.
lifeintheboomerlane
October 27, 2011
That’s seriously funny.
bigsheepcommunications
October 26, 2011
I’m mesmerized by Princess Beatrice’s fascinator and not in a good way.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
It kind of hypnotizes you if you stare at it for long enough.
Brown Road Chronicles
October 26, 2011
I’ve always wanted to go to a Halloween party with my wife, dressed as Adam and Eve, wearing just a few leaves. Somehow I’ve never been able to convince her that was a good idea!
randomlychad
October 26, 2011
I haven’t anything to say about any “chad-related” costumes–it being my name and all. Although, I guess I could wear a noose around my neck, right? Or make myself up as a multiple-gunshot victim? Or perhaps stuff a pillow under my shirt? Endless possibilities! Well, at least 3.
frigginloon
October 26, 2011
This year I’m dressing as Obama’s Teleprompter, TOTUS (despite it having been stolen). I was going to go as MJ’s propofol but I think it’s a little too soon 😦
The Good Greatsby
October 26, 2011
If the official teleprompter has been stolen, does that mean an impostor is out there delivering Obama’s speeches?
Sandi Ormsby
October 26, 2011
Well, now someone has to have to break the news to a boy on our soccer team. His adopting a puppy recently has been overshadowed by the Gobiebz puppy news. He’s not going to like that.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
That boy was probably planning to dress as his puppy for Halloween but everyone will assume he was going as the GoBiebz puppy. Growing up can be so difficult.
jacquelincangro
October 26, 2011
A group of us from my office did the Verizon ad last Halloween. That’s so 2010.
writerdood
October 26, 2011
The Verizon guy. That’s perfect. I’ve even got a pair of glasses like that. But I’ve already decided to go as a wizard. I bought a pointy hat with stars on it. I’ll just throw my bathrobe on and wander around with a toilet plunger for a want. I’m a plumbing wizard. It’s only logical, I’m constantly plunging the toilet anyway. Dang kids and their ten pounds of TP. I’m going to have to give them the class again.
thelifeofjamie
October 26, 2011
I’m going to wear a smoking jacket and go as The Good Greatsby (with boobs).
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
I’m absolutely flattered. Or flatter. If you do dress as The Good Greatsby, send me a picture unless you’re covered with eggs people threw at you because they thought you were me.
pattisj
October 26, 2011
So many tough choices!
pegoleg
October 27, 2011
See, this is what’s wrong with America. Its kids having puppies outside the bounds of holy matrimony. What about when they get tired of one another – what then? There’s another latchkey puppy with a single parent.
gerknoop
October 27, 2011
LOLOLOLOL Pegoleg….so glad you said it! LOLOLOLOLOL I was thinking the same thing! LOLOLOLOLOLOL
She's a Maineiac
October 27, 2011
You’ve read my mind, Peg. I feel bad for that dog on so many levels.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
Bieber will have a new girlfriend in a few months and she’ll know Bieb bought that puppy with Selena. I just worry that puppy is going to get attached to the five girlfriends Bieb will have this year but none of them will love that puppy back.
madtante
October 27, 2011
If it weren’t for your earlier fascinator post, I’d never have known who Beatrice or her hat were…as for the other stuff (sans Kaddafi), it’s rather sad but the only references I get are your last 3. In my defense, I wrote a report on Coolidge in the 5th grade.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
But Coolidge wasn’t actually president when you were in 5th grade, right? If so, that would place you in 5th grade sometime between 1923 and 1929.
gerknoop
October 27, 2011
I will be going dressed with my crown atop my head as the “Queen of Everything” as I do every year.
PS: I keep missing your posts due to no e-mail alert….don’t know what happened….can I re-subscribe? weird…..
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
Not sure what the problem is but I don’t see you in my list of subscribers. Maybe you should try and subscribe again.
bearmancartoons
October 27, 2011
Best couple costume from last year.
Woman dresses like a Pumpkin
Man wears a tshirt that says “Peter, Peter”
mistyslaws
October 27, 2011
Ha! Good one.
cooper
October 27, 2011
Who is Rebecca Black and why do I not give a hanging chad about her?
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
She was the girl from the notoriously terrible Friday music video, although I kind of liked it.
Angie Z.
October 27, 2011
I’m with ya, cooper! No cable and no clue.
Thomas Stazyk
October 27, 2011
I’ve always like Gaddafi’s hat. His whole uniform for that matter, including the sunglasses. What I could never figure out was why he didn’t promote himself to general.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
I think he lost the confidence of his people by failing to be promoted from colonel to general after forty-two years. It makes him start to appear incompetent.
Thomas Stazyk
October 27, 2011
Good point. Henceforth you may address me as Field Marshall.
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
October 27, 2011
My husband argues this is old and cliché, but I still say it is the “punniest” costume ever. I once got a bunch of branches, covered them with condoms, (some still in packages, others unwrapped for color and textural effect) stuck the branches in my shirt. Voila. “I’m a rubber tree.” I was a hit.
Or maybe someone hit me.
Or maybe people tried to take the condoms and then I was just branches.
Still, it was good while it lasted
And it got me in the door. 😉
So excited to hear about Biebs and Selena taking things to the next level.
John Erickson
October 27, 2011
Get a set of vampire teeth, and dress in drag with big hooters. When people ask who you are, say “I’m Bob Hope’s Theme Sons”. When they look at you oddly, just say “Fangs for the mammaries.”
Besides, depending on your neighborhood, it might just get you a date or two……
Snoring Dog Studio
October 27, 2011
Like some of the others, I just can’t support their adoption of a defenseless animal at their age. Some peoples parents, man – promoting puppy love out of wedlock.
I need to hire people to make my costume. I cannot pull these things off. But, frankly, I still think the best costume is going as a ghost – one sheet, holes for eyes. Yeah, it never gets old.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
The ghost sheet never goes out of style. It will always be classically cool.
Angie Z.
October 27, 2011
Thanks for giving me permission to resurrect my Hanging Chad costume. I’ve been hoping there would come a day where I could be irrelevantly relevant once again. Not since the Kardashians has anything been more irrelevantly relevant.
In actuality, I think I’m going as a Phi Beta Micro.
The Good Greatsby
October 27, 2011
I never throw costumes away because I figure they just might become relevant again, just like fashions go in and out of style every twenty years.
Binky
October 27, 2011
I just plan to stay home and eat all the candy before the trick or treaters come.
pattisj
October 27, 2011
Now there’s an idea I like!
lifeintheboomerlane
October 27, 2011
My friend keeps dressing each year as a washing machine lint catcher, with all this stuff velcroed to her like bras and tampons, which is completely not mechanically correct and is getting really boring. I’m going to suggest the Teapot Dome Scandal thing to her.
shreejacob
October 28, 2011
I’m actually kinda glad that we don’t actually celebrate Halloween here…all those choices..I’d probably just end up sitting at home as Princess B’s hat, with Gadaffi’s hat, drinking a nice stiff drink and snacking on some candy while listening to that Black girl’s song….alone..or maybe I might invite Frankenstein’s monster to keep me company..so something.