Subscribe:
RSS feed
Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Breaking News Fixed«
When the Ship Goes Down, the Captain’s Nowhere to be Found
You’re probably familiar with the story of the cruise ship crashing into rocks near the coast of a small Italian village. The captain has drawn fire for apparently deviating from the planned course in an attempt to come closer to shore, possibly to try and give a friend high-five while passing. The comedy of errors […]
Yearbook Names Senior Girl Vale-strip-torian
January 13, 2012
In another slow news day, major media outlets are reporting on the plight of a Colorado high school girl whose senior picture was deemed too racy for the yearbook. After being told her picture was rejected for being inappropriate, she was allowed to submit a second picture which was also rejected. The girl and her […]
Astronauts or AstroNots
November 17, 2011
Dear NASA, I saw your job posting on USAJOBS seeking astronauts. Apparently many veteran astronauts are leaving and NASA will need upwards of fifty-five new astronauts in the next few years. Here’s my favorite part of the job description: “Frequent travel may be required.” I’m glad this detail was included before I applied because I […]
Mustache-less Candidates Race to Get Their Grow On
November 14, 2011
Just when it seemed things couldn’t get any worse for Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain following a series of sexual harassment accusations, Cain has now lost the coveted endorsement of the American Mustache Institute. Cain Keeps Stiff Upper Lip After Losing Endorsement of Hairy Upper Lip The American Mustache Institute had first planned to stand […]
Justin Bieber Takes Paternity Test; Also Geography Test
November 7, 2011
Tween fans of sixteen-year-old singer, heartthrob, and fake glasses wearer, Justin Bieber, were devastated to learn he had been sued for paternity last week. Bieber claims he’s never met his accuser and yesterday agreed to take a paternity test contingent on his mom lending him her car once his chores are all finished. I immediately […]
The Fame Game: 7 Billion Served
November 1, 2011
This morning I read two depressing news stories and saw an even more depressing connection. I don’t want to give you bad news so early in the morning, especially when you may be suffering from a post-Halloween sugar hangover, so allow me to preface the bad news with a cute picture of a tiger and […]
Rick Perry Death Stare Fails to Intimidate Voters
October 21, 2011
Texas has always been different than the rest of the United States, a lesson being learned by Texas Governor Rick Perry as he runs for the Republican Presidential nomination. Perry enjoyed great success ruling Texas with an iron fist on a simple platform of physical intimidation. Texans didn’t bat an eye when Perry signaled the […]
Scrabble Contestant Accused of Hiding G in His A
October 20, 2011
A missing letter ‘G’ during a World Scrabble Championships match resulted in accusations of cheating as the losing player demanded his opponent be strip-searched. Both players were asked to turn out their pockets but the missing tile was never found and officials refused to conduct the requested strip search. I’ve composed the following headlines to […]
Cain Herman Cain or Cain’t He?
October 18, 2011
For decades Republicans have been touting supply-side economics: If tax rates are cut, the wealthiest will spend more and create jobs with the promise that the wealth from the wealthiest classes would ‘trickle-down’ to the rest of the economy. Unfortunately, this trickle-down never took place and instead there has been a massive trickle-up of wealth. […]
Republicans Scramble to Defuse High-Five-Gate Controversy
October 15, 2011
Once again the Republican party is scrambling to shake off charges of elitism after a new scandal threatens attempts to appeal to the common man before the 2012 election. For years reporters have been asking multimillionaire Republicans ‘Gotcha’ questions to put them on the spot and prove they don’t understand the plight of average Americans. […]
Recent Comments
Huffington Post Comedy
Five Times:
Columns in Time Out Shanghai Magazine
The Good Greatsby 
January 19, 2012
44