Rick Perry Death Stare Fails to Intimidate Voters

Posted on October 21, 2011


Texas has always been different than the rest of the United States, a lesson being learned by Texas Governor Rick Perry as he runs for the Republican Presidential nomination.  Perry enjoyed great success ruling Texas with an iron fist on a simple platform of physical intimidation.

Texans didn’t bat an eye when Perry signaled the beginning and end of each work day by firing a pistol into the air.

Texas loved him when he roamed the halls of the legislature, killing opposition senators with his giant ax.

They cheered when he saved money on senior services by forcing the elderly to wrestle him two at a time in order to receive their benefits.

But what worked in Texas, has drawn derision on a national stage.  The nation raised an eyebrow when he threatened to smack Ron Paul for making eye contact, a lesson Jon Huntsman had just learned the hard way.

America raised the other eyebrow when he suggested unemployment benefits should be accompanied by a punch to the face.

The latest trouble came in the GOP presidential debate when he guaranteed he could bench press more than any other candidate.  He assured the audience this would allow him to literally crush America’s enemies with his vice grip.

Mitt Romney wasn’t convinced and mocked Rick Perry, a gesture Perry caught out of the corner of his eye.

Rick Perry prepared his special death stare but Romney refused to enter his line of sight.

Romney asked for evidence of Perry’s strength and Perry encouraged Romney to feel his bicep.

Romney wasn’t impressed and Perry told him to check out his broad, manly shoulders.

Romney still wasn’t convinced and Perry insisted the results may have been less impressive than usual because Perry was dehydrated.

Perry countered by sarcastically asking Romney, “If I don’t grind America’s enemies into dust, who will?  You?”

Perry laughed dismissively as he squeezed Romney’s bicep.

Romney insisted he could pretend to be just as tough as Perry and would prove it by imitating all his gestures for the remainder of the debate.

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