Texas has always been different than the rest of the United States, a lesson being learned by Texas Governor Rick Perry as he runs for the Republican Presidential nomination. Perry enjoyed great success ruling Texas with an iron fist on a simple platform of physical intimidation.
Texans didn’t bat an eye when Perry signaled the beginning and end of each work day by firing a pistol into the air.
Texas loved him when he roamed the halls of the legislature, killing opposition senators with his giant ax.
They cheered when he saved money on senior services by forcing the elderly to wrestle him two at a time in order to receive their benefits.
But what worked in Texas, has drawn derision on a national stage. The nation raised an eyebrow when he threatened to smack Ron Paul for making eye contact, a lesson Jon Huntsman had just learned the hard way.
America raised the other eyebrow when he suggested unemployment benefits should be accompanied by a punch to the face.
The latest trouble came in the GOP presidential debate when he guaranteed he could bench press more than any other candidate. He assured the audience this would allow him to literally crush America’s enemies with his vice grip.
Mitt Romney wasn’t convinced and mocked Rick Perry, a gesture Perry caught out of the corner of his eye.
Rick Perry prepared his special death stare but Romney refused to enter his line of sight.
Romney asked for evidence of Perry’s strength and Perry encouraged Romney to feel his bicep.
Romney wasn’t impressed and Perry told him to check out his broad, manly shoulders.
Romney still wasn’t convinced and Perry insisted the results may have been less impressive than usual because Perry was dehydrated.
Perry countered by sarcastically asking Romney, “If I don’t grind America’s enemies into dust, who will? You?”
Perry laughed dismissively as he squeezed Romney’s bicep.
Romney insisted he could pretend to be just as tough as Perry and would prove it by imitating all his gestures for the remainder of the debate.
If you enjoyed this photo tale, you may also enjoy Obama Reels in Big, Bigger, Biggest Fish
The Good Greatsby 
joehoover
October 21, 2011
Everything I know about American politics is solely derived from your posts.
Lenore Diane
October 21, 2011
I wish the above were true for me … your take on politics, GG, is way better. Please consider being their adviser.
JM Randolph
October 21, 2011
Me too.
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
I can honestly say I think my posts on American politics are just as insightful as anything else you’re likely to read in the mainstream media.
bigsheepcommunications
October 21, 2011
I enjoyed the debate far more with captions only. I’m hoping you’ll provide this valuable service throughout the 2012 campaign season, so I don’t actually have to listen to these people!
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
I agree; politicians seems a lot more interesting when you don’t actually have to hear them talk.
Laura
October 21, 2011
Sometimes, when I’m home alone late at night, I hear noises outside my window that sound like an axe murderer trying to break in (it usually turns out to be an opossum trying to get into the crawlspace for warmth). So far I’ve managed to remain calm, but now that I realize it might be Rick Perry, I’m terrified.
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
I shudder to think of Rick Perry becoming president and earning the right to enter any of our homes with his giant axe.
Laura
October 22, 2011
On the bright side, since Perry’s a Republican and from Texas, I’m pretty sure that one of his first actions as President will be to push through a bill that gives you the right to shoot anyone you think might possibly be looking at your house funny.
She's a Maineiac
October 21, 2011
Ooh, I’m gonna go as Rick Perry for Halloween. His death stare is killer!
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
I hear if you look in the mirror and say ‘Rick Perry’ three times, he’ll appear.
Kathryn McCullough
October 21, 2011
If only Cheney were running–he could put Perry in his place–his needing a hunting partner and all.
Patti Kuche
October 21, 2011
Can’t watch those GOP debates anymore, not now that this line-up is beginning to make the Newt look . . . what’s the word I am looking for? Human? Avuncular? Cute? (That last one almost killed me to say.)
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
Kind of surprising that Newt increasingly looks like the rational statesman.
gojulesgo
October 21, 2011
hahaha yesss, I love when you do this. It’s silly. And funny. And that’s why I love it. In case you were wondering.
Bearman
October 21, 2011
I think Rick was indeed impressed by Romney’s bicep.
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
He tried to pass it off as a laugh, but you can see some genuine jealousy in his eyes.
georgettesullins
October 21, 2011
Lt. Gov. Perry came into the office that then Governor Bush vacated to assume the office of President. And he is still governor of TX. That’s a long time to be in office bordering on dictatorship.
Snoring Dog Studio
October 21, 2011
Okay. I’ve had my overdose of testosterone for one day. And suits, too. And the red tie thing is SO-O-O-O-O-O yesterday. But I’m grateful that you did this recap because it spared me from making some gestures of my own at the TV.
Todd Pack
October 21, 2011
These kids today, with their daily presidential debates. Why, in MY day, a presidential debate was special! It meant something! It was a big deal to get all the candidates in the same room. Now, it’s about as special as an episode of Big Brother. Also, YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!
monicastangledweb
October 21, 2011
So maybe I should just pray that Texas engulfs the entire US, so that Perry seems more palatable to the rest of us. I like the idea of starting and ending each workday with gunfire. Gives you something to look forward to.
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
I don’t like guns but I guess a few shots into the air at the end of the day might liven things up.
writerdood
October 21, 2011
WTF? Dude can’t afford an automatic?
modestypress
October 21, 2011
I think governors of Texas should learn from Libya.
pegoleg
October 21, 2011
I can’t think of any funny comment, because you officially used up all the funny on this post.
gerknoop
October 21, 2011
Hey, I am no longer getting your e-mail alert that your new post is up. What’s up with that? Did you de-friend me?
Great post today…….even though I had to go to all the trouble to type you into my search bar! GEEZ LOL
The Good Greatsby
October 21, 2011
Is this the first time it’s happened? Let me know if it happens again tomorrow.
gerknoop
October 22, 2011
2nd time….I didn’t get it yesterday either. I had to type you in.
Spectra
October 22, 2011
It’s been happening to me too, for weeks. When I do get a notice, it’s the day after.
thelifeofjamie
October 21, 2011
The alliteration of Perry and President is truly scary!
mistyslaws
October 22, 2011
You do realize that if Texas actually had seceded from the union as some wanted then Perry would already BE president? Of the United Emerite Isle of Texas. Think about that one.
sidmilb
October 22, 2011
Although all of this open homosexuality gives me great hope for the future, neither of these fellahs helped take out Osama or Ghaddafi.
How does THAT bicep feel, boys? I’m voting for Paul Lynde… Can you IMAGINE the parties?!
Rachael Black
October 22, 2011
nice! great imaginative photo story! Keep ’em coming
John Erickson
October 22, 2011
Now if only the real debaters could live up to the wit AND wisdom of your captions!
ryoko861
October 22, 2011
OMG, all that touching and feeling…..eebie jeebies…….
Binky
October 22, 2011
Politicians would be a lot more tolerable (and entertaining!) if they weren’t allowed to speak.
flippingchannels
October 25, 2011
Everything I need to know about politics I learned from the Good Greatsby.
Dana
November 10, 2011
Me too. All we have in Canada is some geeky dude in a sweater vest. US politics (as filtered through the astute GG lens) are way more exciting.