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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »satire«
The Search Engine Oracle Speaks, Clears Throat, Reiterates
Some seemingly innocent search terms keep me up late at night: guess how much i love you At first, I assumed this was a random search, but I found it more satisfying to convince myself I had a secret admirer. Secret admirer, guessing how much I love you is pretty hard without knowing who you […]
Eye on Chinglish
October 9, 2011
This picture comes from the back of an eyelash thickener: Maybe I just never paid attention to eyelash thickener products when I was in America, but is there really an American eyelash limit? If so, it seems the government should have better things to do than set limits on the freedom of our eyelashes. This […]
Saturday Brain Biscuits & Gravy
October 8, 2011
My seven-year-old son, The Fonz, is very interested in zombies right now, and when he overheard me mention I had watched an episode of the AMC zombie show, The Walking Dead, he started asking if he could watch it despite my warnings it was much too scary. I finally let him watch an advertisement for […]
Ruminations Over Underdogs Over Overdogs
October 7, 2011
Every year during the baseball playoffs, my son and I debate what we enjoy more: 1. Cheering for our favorite team to win; or 2. Cheering for the New York Yankees to lose. The Germans have a word, shadenfreude, which means taking delight in the misfortunes of others. Many philosophers consider feelings of shadenfreude to […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Does My Pet Dove Poop on My Computer Because She Hates My Writing?
October 5, 2011
Today’s question comes from Spectra of spectrumwoman.com, who wonders whether her pet dove is expressing distaste for her writing by pooping on her computer. Because the question regards pets, my cat, Megatron, has volunteered to be a guest panelist. When I say she volunteered, I mean I’ll chase her back and forth across my keyboard. […]
Scenes from the Shanghai Zoo
October 4, 2011
Today is a holiday for most people in China, and here are some things observed among the swarms of visitors at the Shanghai Zoo that you might find different than your local zoo: Chinese people take more pictures of the white foreigners than they do the animals, yet foreigners receive no zoo entry discount. The […]
Chinglish Smart Size
October 2, 2011
I took both pictures of these contraceptives at a shop on my street here in Shanghai: Come on, guys, no matter how confident you are, do you really want to use a condom with the name brand ‘retard’? It’s a tough choice if I have to decide between the ‘large size’ and the ‘smart size’. […]
Saturday Mimosa
October 1, 2011
My seven-year-old, The Fonz, was telling my wife the sound he hated to hear above all others was the sound of scratchy markers. My wife said there were lots of other things people hated to hear, and The Fonz replied, “You mean like, ‘I don’t love you. I love him,’ or ‘I want a divorce’?” […]
Demi Moore Seeks Divorce After Ashton Kutcher Caught Cheating Past His Bedtime
September 30, 2011
World leaders across the globe cancelled government business as planet Earth awaits news of whether Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore will split up. Barack Obama plans to address the nation this evening to discuss signs the couple may be calling it quits, including reports Ashton was caught cheating last weekend during his sixth year wedding […]
My Fantasy Baseball Victory
September 29, 2011
The baseball regular season is over and with the conclusion of the season comes the end of my fantasy baseball league of which I am the winner. Congratulations are in order, and don’t listen to any naysayers who claim my victory comes with an asterisk because half of the teams in my league were managed […]
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The Good Greatsby 
October 10, 2011
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