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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »satire«
The Good Greatsby’s One Year Blogaversary Spectacular
If you liked The Good Greatsby this past year, you should know I was barely even trying. If you didn’t like The Good Greatsby this past year, you should know I was barely even trying. If you’re not a good judge of quality and can’t tell whether The Good Greatsby is good or bad, but […]
Things I Can’t Buy One Day After Telling My Wife We Can’t Afford Braces for the Kids
February 21, 2012
The worst thing is when I tell my wife we can’t afford to get the kids braces, and then the very next day I see a deal on something I’ve always wanted and she gives me a dirty look when I come home with any of the following: A walk-in humidor. Braces for my mistress’ […]
Inspirational Shovegiving: it’s push but nuthin’s given
February 19, 2012
While scouring Shanghai for ironic gifts for Mrs. Greatsby’s birthday, I was fortunate enough to come across some Chinglish poetry in a stationery store. Chinese notebooks often have an inspirational or poetic message in English on the cover, and they usually make no sense, causing me to wonder what artistic influence the reading of these […]
Cutting the Cheese is a Cinnamon for Passing Gas
February 18, 2012
A Sentence Parsing: How can children seem so very smart and so very not smart at the same time? I’ve developed an elaborate system for quantifying my children’s statements to determine whether I should be worried or not. I applied this system to the following: At the dinner table Optimist Prime asked Mrs. Greatsby to […]
Pop Some Champagne for My New Domain
February 17, 2012
In celebration of my one year blogaversary, WordPress wanted to get me a little special something and offered to give me a free domain name if I gave them a little something special in the form of money to renew and update my WordPress features. After searching GoDaddy.com for BradPitt.com, Brangelina.com, and CambodianBoyAngelinaAdopted.com (in case […]
If Nobody is Going to Throw Me a Party, I Guess I’ll Have to Throw One
February 16, 2012
My wife and I always bring each other breakfast in bed on our respective birthdays. Her birthday is tomorrow, but I brought her breakfast in bed a week ago to make her think I’d gotten the date wrong. It was probably the first time in a year that I’d successfully played any joke on her […]
Valentine Hangover: Role-playing Gone Wrong
February 15, 2012
Yesterday, police in Portland were called to investigate reports of an unclothed woman tied up in the back of a Subaru, only to discover she and the driver were playing an elaborate role-playing game to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I like to think once the police officers understood the situation, they took turns teasing the couple […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 3
February 14, 2012
This might surprise you, but I tend to joke around a lot with my kids. They rarely believe anything I say because I give parenting advice with the same straight face in which I give zombie-escape-route advice–all while wearing a smoking jacket and pretending to smoke a pipe. But I have given the kids a […]
Half-Hearted Valentine’s Day Cards
February 13, 2012
If I could go back in time 30 years and marry you all over again, I would in an instant… …but let me be clear I mean I’d marry the 25-year-old version of you, back when you could really rock a swimsuit. After 50 Valentine’s Days together, I realize more than ever that mere words […]
Chinglish Shampoo for Nerd Dogs
February 12, 2012
I volunteered at a pet shelter as a teenager and when I bathed the animals, we weren’t fortunate enough to have such fancy shampoos like the one below I found in a local Shanghai pet store. This magic formula seems to promise the dispelling of amorous activity: ‘Aim at the pet skin scraps problem effectively […]
The Fonz Makes Three Fashion Choices in Hopes of Impressing a Girl
February 11, 2012
If you’ve followed each stage of The Fonz’s budding romance with Whatshername, you’ll remember the fateful moment when she complimented his funny clothes, probably without appreciating the impact her remark would have on the over-confidence portion of his brain, the flamboyance of his future outfits, or his parents’ efforts to move up the ladder of […]
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The Good Greatsby 
February 22, 2012
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