A Sentence Parsing:
How can children seem so very smart and so very not smart at the same time? I’ve developed an elaborate system for quantifying my children’s statements to determine whether I should be worried or not. I applied this system to the following:
At the dinner table Optimist Prime asked Mrs. Greatsby to cut a piece of cheese for him and The Fonz announced, “‘Cutting the cheese’ is a cinnamon for ‘passing gas’.”
If I had to parse this sentence I’d give him:
+2 points for knowing the definition of the word synonym.
+2 points for using a complicated word in a sentence correctly.
-1 point for pronouncing it ‘cinnamon’.
-2 points because the comparison he made was about gas.
That totals a net gain of +1 and I can sleep soundly knowing I’m a good parent and The Fonz is moving in the right direction.
…..
So what did I get my wife for her birthday?
A few months ago I was lamenting how long it had been since anyone had rewarded me with a trophy. I asked her if I got her a trophy whether she would put it on her desk in the library. She said yes and I asked how she would answer when children and her co-workers asked what the trophy was for. She answered:
“When they asked what the trophy was for, I’d answer, ‘For inspiration.'”
So I got her a ‘for inspiration’ trophy and she agreed to carry it with her the whole evening as we went out to dinner and she placed it in the center of the table. She’s promised it will take a prominent position on her library desk next Monday.
More about our extensive trophy collection next week.
…..
Favorite Search Term of the Week:
don’t you just hate when someone you love says
The reason I liked this was because I imagined the person searching was actually seeking for things to say that could annoy his/her significant other, probably on Valentine’s Day. I hope that searcher didn’t find what he/she (probably a he) was looking for.
…..
Did you watch Zooey Deschanel on Saturday Night Live? I know I did.
Is it just me, or is she pretty great? I said that to me wife and she said it was just me so I’d be interested to hear what you thought.
…..
At our home we think about Halloween costume ideas all year long. Ours is an ideas family, and we keep a giant whiteboard next to the dinner table so ideas, outlines, graphs, and cartoons can be sketched during dinner. You can’t start thinking about Halloween on October 3o and expect to do your best work. Last night The Fonz said:
“I know what I’m going to dress up as for Halloween.”
“What?”
“Halloween.”
I’m not sure how we’re going to pull it off conceptually but we’ve got a lot of time to think. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
…..
A Notable Post:
My favorite post this week was Laura at Unlikely Explanations, a very funny writer and I imagine a very patient person since she was so understanding when I once answered her question in a Dear Good Greatsby column and kept referring to her blog as Unlikely Expectations.
Toxoplasmosis or Super Pac? How to Tell Them Apart
The graphic she used from the Center for Disease Control website has made me laugh numerous times, and of course the CDC didn’t intend for it to be funny. I’m going to have this graphic made into a painting to be hung in my home.
Only one more day to vote in the caption contest! The competition is fierce! The prizes are imaginary! The exclamation points are perfunctory!
But strike that imaginary prize line because this week’s winner will receive the first non-imaginary prize and will be awarded an actual award button.
…..
More exclamation points!:
Get ready for The Good Greatsby’s blogaversary week! Cancel your plans! Quit your jobs! Turn off your cell phones! Don’t risk missing a minute of all the Greatsby excitement!
The Good Greatsby 
cestlavie22
February 18, 2012
First I want to say your kid sounds absolutely adorable! Kids really do say the darndest things. Sadly I missed Zoey on SNL, I thought I was taping it but sadly I wasnt so I am hoping this episode is on demand. As for the search you posted I think that is very interesting on the week of Valentines Day. At least it didnt read “dont you hate when the person that loves you says…” because that wouldve brought up a whole other slew of questions!
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2012
Zooey was good. I couldn’t decide whether the overall episode was good or whether Zooey just elevated all of the material.
Sid (@SidMILB)
February 18, 2012
I like Zooey, too. She’s brave enough to be as quirky as I wanted to be ten years ago. She also deserves a trophy for inspiration.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2012
I just might send her one.
gojulesgo
February 18, 2012
Now THAT is a birthday trophy! I hate when people skimp in the trophy arena.
I’m on board with The Fonz, but I’m worried that to embrace the true concept of Halloween, slutty costumes would have to be involved.
Zooey was AWESOME on SNL! I wish she had been the musical guest, too.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2012
It was a bit unfair to the musical guest to put a much better musician on the same episode.
Laura
February 18, 2012
Wow! Thank you. Your blog is usually the first one I read each day, despite my seething jealousy over your Huffington Post gig and the 347 times you were Freshly Pressed last year, not to mention the resentment that’s been slowly building ever since that misspelling incident, like a time bomb waiting to — Oh! Sorry, I’m kind of going off on a tangent, aren’t I? Anyway, thanks. Your opinion means a lot to me.
Every time I see that CDC graphic, I wonder how they decided exactly what assortment of fruits to drop in the litter box. Did they have planning meetings? Focus groups? However they did it, they succeeded in getting their message across — I’m never going to look at chocolate-dipped strawberries the same way again.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2012
I love the CDC graphic. I’m not joking when I say I’m going to have that graphic commissioned as a painting.
susielindau
February 18, 2012
I am glad that the Fonz ended up in the +1 column! Hahaha! Cinnamon…so great.
I think the trophy idea was great, but I really thought it would be a symbol of how you scored a “trophy wife!”
That is a pretty good search term! My favorite for the week was, “Hell hath Suzy.” What possessed someone to type that and how did it ever get them to click on my blog is beyond me! Hahaha!
I will be on pins and needles to see the outcome of the Caption Contest since I am really hoping for an imaginary prize!!
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2012
That’s a great search term. Hopefully that searcher found what they were looking for.
susielindau
February 18, 2012
I would like to believe that they did! Hahaha!
pegoleg
February 20, 2012
Seems obvious that poor Suzy was scorned, and someone needed help dealing with her fury.
Curly Carly
February 18, 2012
The only thing that poster does is make cute animals look bad. It left me wondering: 1) am I not supposed to store my fruit in the litter box? 2) how can the cat pass the disease (or hairball?) to the mouse and bird, when the cat would eat the mouse and bird? or are the mouse and bird passing it to the cat when it eats them? 3) how is the disease being passed from the cat to the sheep and pig? I certainly don’t allow my cat to associate with my sheep and pig. 4) did the person on the right recently get bitten by a vampire, thus requiring a blood transfusion?
I love your parsing method. I’m gonna start doing this for everyone I know. If the points fall below zero, that person is no longer allowed to speak in my presence. I’m sure that’ll go over real well.
The Good Greatsby
February 18, 2012
They’ll understand your logic if you carry around a little whiteboard like I do and do the math for them.
Kathryn McCullough
February 19, 2012
Clearly, the CDC artist deserves a trophy for having inspired two blog posts that use the graphic to illustrate things having nothing to do with cat poop.
The Good Greatsby
February 19, 2012
He had no idea his work would have such an impact outside the insular world of toxoplasmosis.
bearman
February 19, 2012
Damn what a tease. I want to know the trophy story NOW!!
The Good Greatsby
February 19, 2012
I was hoping that would be your reaction.
Dana
February 19, 2012
That CDC graphic made my morning! A cat poop diagram is the perfect accompaniment to breakfast, FYI.
I’ve always joked that my significant other deserves a medal or trophy, but I’ve never thought of *actually* getting him one. This whole post opens up so many possibilities for me. I think I may have reached enlightenment.
The Good Greatsby
February 19, 2012
Trophies aren’t just for athletes; don’t hesitate to start passing out random awards–you’ll be surprised how much nicer people will be once they realize you might give them an award.
monicastangledweb
February 19, 2012
I thought Zooey was very good on SNL and there were some funny bits, like the Newspaper skit based on old movies like “My Gal Friday,” where everyone talks very fast. Zooey was hilarious asking them to slow down. But I’m worried she’s going to far with the whole cutesy persona. After a while, you just want to say, “Snap out of it!”
The Good Greatsby
February 19, 2012
I loved the newspaper skit. My favorite SNL skits are the ones where
I expect there will be some backlash against her quirkiness at some point; I think SNL allowed her to pre-emptively poke fun of her image.
Binky
February 19, 2012
I hope some of those cartons on your whiteboard are Wombie cartoons, as they’re the only ones worth reading. Well, I might be biased.
The Good Greatsby
February 19, 2012
Mostly the cartoons are elaborate sketches of our plots for revenge.
Elyse
February 19, 2012
You should have given The Fonz extra points for pronouncing it “Cinnamon” — because you will never ever forget it. My son used “be-tatched” instead of “attached” and I still smile and think happy thoughts whenever I think of it.
The Good Greatsby
February 19, 2012
That’s true. He’s given me a fond association for the word ‘cinnamon’ that will overcome its previous association of the time my arch-enemy tried to stab me with cinnamon sticks.
nursemyra
February 24, 2012
were they still attached to trees at the time of this alleged stabbing attack?
flippingchannels
February 19, 2012
I suggest dressing him as the October 31st page of a “Page a Day” calendar.
Laura
February 19, 2012
If I wanted a “Halloween” Halloween costume, I’d dress as a giant bag of assorted “fun-sized” candies. But that’s probably just a reflection of my own personal Halloween priorities.
Whatever the costume winds up looking like, you guys should probably consider working up a “Who’s on First”-style routine that you can break into whenever anyone asks about the costume.
Ape No. 1
February 19, 2012
I can just imagine little Miss Whatshername saying to the Fonz, “You had me at cinnamon, Fun Guy”. Your little man has style GG.
pegoleg
February 20, 2012
Our daughter always said “Chester drawers” instead of “chest of drawers” and we never corrected her because it was so cute. Come high school when she said it that way in a report before the entire student body, and the resultant humiliation caused her to drop out of school and become a Nyquil addict living in a refrigerator box down by the river, I came to rethink that tactic. Maybe you should explain synonym.
Love that graphic on Laura’s blog. I thought SHE created it, it’s so damn funny. When I found out this was my tax dollars at work it really put an extra special spin on the whole thing.
She's a Maineiac
February 20, 2012
Zooey was pretty darn fabulous on SNL. She did a kickass Ashley Olsen impression.
My kids call a swear word a ‘password’. I have no idea how that came about. But I laugh if they hear someone say ‘hell’ or ‘shut up’ because my daughter will whisper to me “Oh no, Mom! They just said the PASSWORD!”
Like Peg, I also thought Laura created that graphic!
HoaiPhai
February 29, 2012
Hey, wait a minute! Wasn’t that CDC graphic painted on the side of the Voyager 1 space probe?