If I could go back in time 30 years and marry you all over again, I would in an instant…
…but let me be clear I mean I’d marry the 25-year-old version of you, back when you could really rock a swimsuit.
After 50 Valentine’s Days together, I realize more than ever that mere words on a card could never sum up the way I feel about you…
…but every year I try again, despite realizing if we had all the money back I wasted on those 50 cards, we might have been able to retire.
Baby, let’s put on some Frank Sinatra, have a nice candlenight dinner, drink a little champagne, and fall asleep in front of the TV by 9:00.
Posted in: Columns
The Good Greatsby 
laurenrantnrave
February 13, 2012
Happy Valentine’s Day! Smitten one opens up card to find: “If only you were someone else!”
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
If the card was homemade, try telling yourself it was the thought that counted.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine’s Day! Smitten one opens up card to find: “THE CANDY was GIVEN to someone else!” Bah ha ha ha !
thelifeofjamie
February 13, 2012
the last one is probably more indicative of how my night will be, minus the sinatra, dinner and champagne.
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
But if you can manage to get to bed by 9:00, the night can’t be considered a total waste.
susielindau
February 13, 2012
I hope that you and Mrs. Good Greatsby have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Just don’t give her any of those cards…..
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
I don’t think she’d mind getting the third card.
mistyslaws
February 13, 2012
Yeah. That last one. Except I’m not sure I can live up to those high standards of staying up as late as 9:00, but I’ll give it a go since it’s a special occassion.
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
My wife would be thrilled if I would fall asleep at 9:00 with her.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
She’d be more thrilled if you weren’t um…. “asleep”.
Amy
February 13, 2012
If your relationship can survive this type of brutal honesty, then I believe that’s true love.
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
A strong relationship should be able to withstand a humorous acceptance of reality.
Amy
February 14, 2012
Is there any other way to accept reality?
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
I ask myself that question as soon as I wake up every morning and again when I go to sleep.
becomingcliche
February 13, 2012
Not Sinatra. Sinatra = Satan.
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
Are some churches saying that now?
little blog of happy
February 13, 2012
I think we need to play some of his records (??!!) backwards to find out what he was really saying.
gojulesgo
February 13, 2012
Make it 8:00 and you have yourself a deal.
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
I don’t expect to be going to bed at 8:00 until the kids can be trusted to stay up later than us.
worrywarts-guide-to-weight-sex-and-marriage
February 14, 2012
From a mother of three college age children (who has not had a good night’s sleep in 23 years) your comment above is exactly why older people can watch late night TV and still get up at 4:00 a.m. every morning – we have simply trained ourselves not to sleep. The sooner you realize this as a parent of young boys (especially given their DNA), the sooner you can start training yourself for a lifetime of all-nighters (in front of the TV). And happy Valentine’s Day.
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
Well, to be honest, it’s almost 1:00AM here in China and I’ll still get up at 6:00AM to make the kids breakfast before school. I’m kind of excited to not need sleep anymore.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
“Especially given their DNA” – Hahahaha !
bearmancartoons
February 15, 2012
Soon they will be putting you to bed.
veghotpot
February 13, 2012
Its my birthday on valentines so my husband buys me a birthday card and then writes “Happy Valentines day” inside it…I guess one card is better than none 😀
The Good Greatsby
February 13, 2012
Your husband must love that glass-is-half-full attitude.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
Next December, buy a few Christmas/Birthday cards and save them until his birthday. See how he likes it. (From a Christmas week baby…)
audreygjohnson
February 13, 2012
I KNEW you must be an old softie of a romantic deep down!
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
Really, really, really, deep down.
Spectra
February 14, 2012
What woman wouldn’t be flattered to learn her husband used to find her attractive?
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
But wouldn’t she find him more suspicious if he continued to insist she was just as attractive as the day they were married?
Spectra
February 14, 2012
That would be the only instance when women approve of a mans lying. Red lies – lies wrapped in love.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
Spectra, I think you missed that one. I think Greatsby is saying that if Hubby says this to his Old Crone of a wife, he’s implying he thought she was a hideous old HAG even back then !!!!
Rob Rubin
February 14, 2012
9:00? Whoa, what kind of whippersnapper do you think I am?
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
Mmmmmmm….. I might like to be whipped and snapped.
gerknoop
February 14, 2012
You mean he’s NOT serious when he says I’m as attractive as the day I met him? Really? I’m so crushed!
Kathryn McCullough
February 14, 2012
Haven’t made it till 9 in years!
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
You’ve given me so much to look forward to.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
Haven’t made it AT 9 in years either.
Fraha
February 14, 2012
LOL here is your “Let’s Get Real” Valentine.
Honey this Valentines day were gonna shake things up. Let’s clear a spot on the couch and get cozy between the kids toys. Let’s get comfortable and change into fresh clothes that our children haven’t left remnants of bodily fluids on. Let’s share a twinkie and that left over cooking wine in the fridge. And Let’s snuggle in front of the warm glow of the TV and catch up on our DVR shows while falling into an embraced slumber.
skippingstones
February 14, 2012
Great cards!
Lenore Diane
February 14, 2012
Is there electricity after 9pm? I thought everything went black at that time. I may have try staying up until 9:01pm to find out.
My favorite is the retirement one. A handwritten note on a post-it works for me. (Plus, the stickiness lasts for years, so it can be reused.)
Thomas Stazyk
February 14, 2012
Your wife may not still rock in a swimsuit after 50 Valentines Days but I’m sure you’ll still cut quite a figure in your speedo!
Dana
February 14, 2012
What does it say about me that the third card actually sounds kind of nice? Maybe switch out the champagne with some herbal tea, and I’d be in paradise! 🙂
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
My wife would actually appreciate going to bed early far more than any gift.
pegoleg
February 14, 2012
I just got back from out of town, and was tellilng my hubby how jazzed I was that several hip, young women in the airport admired my vintage coat. His actual reply? “Well, you are pretty attractive for a middle-aged woman.”
I hope to GOD he goes out and buys a card for Valentines Day, even if it is one of the above. The man needs some help on his lines.
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
Although I would have steered clear of making that comment, I can understand your husband’s perspective in thinking you would appreciate the rationality of that compliment. Adding the qualifier ‘for a middle-aged woman,’ was probably uttered with intentions of making the sincerity of his statement indisputable. It took me a long time to understand women might not appreciate rational compliments.
Glynis Sylvia
February 14, 2012
Bad lines? Back in college, on one of the first few dates, he said to me, and I quote, “I like you. You’re plain.”
pegoleg
February 15, 2012
Did you keep him?
Glynis Sylvia
February 15, 2012
Married him ! How dumb was that?
Laura
February 14, 2012
The 50-year card really concerns me. I’m pretty sure you’re either vastly underestimating the cost of retirement or seriously overpaying for Valentine cards.
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
Are you saying $5,000 for a Valentine’s card isn’t a good deal?
Laura
February 14, 2012
I’m beginning to regret my decision not to go to greeting card school like my mom always wanted.
Elyse
February 14, 2012
Hilarious cards. I am willing to be insulted as long as it is done with such panache.
monicastangledweb
February 14, 2012
This is truly so sweet. Mrs. Greatsby must be thanking her lucky stars to be married to someone like you. 🙂 And if she isn’t, show her this comment and tell her I said she ought to. Right this minute!
The Good Greatsby
February 14, 2012
It’s like you just paraphrased the portion of the wedding vows I wrote myself.
flippingchannels
February 14, 2012
I’m still young enough that I’m actually a bit more attractive than when I met my husband. (Thank you gym!) Now I just have to hold out until his eyesight starts going and he won’t be able to tell the difference…
joehoover
February 14, 2012
Did you help pick one out for The Fonz to give to the ‘A’ girl?
El Guapo
February 15, 2012
I would love to be able to get in bed at 9.
Ah, a nice early night…
It’ll never happen…
Patti Kuche
February 15, 2012
Does this mean half-hearted is better than nothing?
pattisj
February 16, 2012
I’d never get my blogging done if I went to bed at 9. Priorities, you know.
The Hook
February 17, 2012
Great, hilarious share!
Tony McGurk
February 17, 2012
Ha Ha I really love the 1st one.