Valentine Hangover: Role-playing Gone Wrong

Posted on February 15, 2012


Yesterday, police in Portland were called to investigate reports of an unclothed woman tied up in the back of a Subaru, only to discover she and the driver were playing an elaborate role-playing game to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

I like to think once the police officers understood the situation, they took turns teasing the couple and trying to one-up each other:

Det. Sipowicz: She really should be in a seatbelt.

Det. Simone: If you want to make a girl feel you went all out to plan her fake kidnapping, couldn’t you do any better than a Subaru?

Sipowicz: My wife and I were also looking to spice up our marriage, but we joined a bowling league.

Simone: Says here on your driver’s licenses that you’re only 31 and 26. My, my, my, so young and already so bored with sex. Hey, lady, if this is what it takes to keep his interest at 31, what are you gonna have to do 5 years from now?

Sipowicz: I’m gettin’ all misty-eyed. This really takes me back; I proposed to my wife the same way.

Simone: Let me guess: you waited until the last minute and all the flower shops were sold out?

Sipowicz: Legally we’re bound to take you in, but I don’t want to be tied up on Valentine’s Day. Get it? Bound and tied up? Laugh or I really will take you in.

Simone: What if you’d been in a car accident? Is this how you’d want your bodies discovered? In a Subaru?

Sipowicz: This is why I keep buying my wife the same card and chocolates every year, regardless of how many times she suggests trying something new.

Simone: Ma’am, do you have any ID on you?

Sipowicz: Did you know your plates have expired?

Simone: My wife tied me up last Valentine’s Day, and just when I thought it was about to get interesting she made me watch the movie Valentine’s Day. Absolutely terrible.

Sipowicz: Dinner and a movie out of your budget?