Things I Can’t Buy One Day After Telling My Wife We Can’t Afford Braces for the Kids

Posted on February 21, 2012


The worst thing is when I tell my wife we can’t afford to get the kids braces, and then the very next day I see a deal on something I’ve always wanted and she gives me a dirty look when I come home with any of the following:

A walk-in humidor.

Braces for my mistress’ children.

A walk-in humidor for my mistress’ children.

A backpack humidor.

Braces for my mistress’ dog.

A maid to clean my walk-in humidor.

A solid gold cubby hole to store my backpack humidor.

Special caviar toothpaste for treatment of cigar-yellowed teeth.

A solid gold bidet for disposing of the cigar butts from my walk-in humidor.

A capuchin monkey trained to protect my walk-in humidor.

Braces for my capuchin monkey.

A pointy stick to help my capuchin monkey keep my wife away when she tries to sell my walk-in humidor.

You may also like: Things I Carry in My Pocket for the Sole Purpose of Confusing the Police in the Event of My Untimely Death

Follow The Good Greatsby:

Posted in: Columns