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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
How to Manipulate People into Throwing You a Party
You deserve recognition! You deserve to be celebrated! But when was the last time someone threw you a party? How long have you been waiting for someone to suggest an epic gala celebrating your humanity, good looks, and intelligence? Or if those attributes are not possessed by you in proportions worthy of a giant party, […]
Elect Your Caption King or Queen!
March 30, 2011
Thank you for your outstanding submissions. I hate excluding anyone and I considered narrowing the captions down to thirty-five instead of five, but I realized thirty-five wouldn’t meet the strictest definition of ‘narrowing down’ since I received exactly thirty-five submissions. If you feel your submission was more deserving than any of these five, please remind […]
Breaking News Fixed: Russian President Medvedev Debuts Sultry-Look-Diplomacy
March 28, 2011
Once again I bring you the news headlines I would have preferred to see attached to the following pictures: 1. Russian President Medvedev Demands UN Halt Libya Military Action; Recommends Shift in Strategy to Sultry-Look-Diplomacy 2. Political Retirement Rumors Gain Steam as Medvedev Submits Headshot to Russian Version of The Mentalist 3. Controversy Erupts as […]
Congratulations Captain Caption MattJ! Who Can Topple Him from His Caption Throne?
March 27, 2011
The votes have been tallied and the winner is: Congratulations to MattJ who has been awarded the honorary title of Captain Caption for the next week. MattJ is also a two consecutive weeks winner and has converted his ‘moderate’ lucky feeling into an ‘on-a-roll’ feeling. If he wins a third consecutive week, he will be […]
How the Song Friday Won Me Over
March 25, 2011
I don’t care what people say–I like the song Friday by Rebecca Black. If you haven’t heard of Friday, you’re missing a viral sensation celebrated for its poor production values, robotic vocals, and travelogue lyrics that could have been lifted from court transcripts recording a witness’ schedule on the day of a murder: ‘I ate […]
How to Teach Your Kids to Sound Smart (Especially If They’re Not)–Part 2
March 24, 2011
If you haven’t read How to Make Your Kids Sound Smart Part 1, make sure you do so here, so you’ll know what all the other moms were talking about at last week’s group therapy. For those who did read Part 1, did you practice tips #1 and #2 with your ‘fork-misses-mouth’ smart child? Remember, […]
Choose Your Captain Caption
March 23, 2011
This week’s winner will receive the honorary title Captain Caption. Your friends must call you Captain Caption for one week until a new winner is selected. If your friends won’t call you Captain Caption, they are not good friends. Thank you for your excellent caption submissions. Many of these were funny, and I hate having […]
Rubik’s Cube Solving Robot? Now Robots Will be Stealing Our Rubik’s Cube Solving Jobs, Too!
March 22, 2011
There’s so much going on in the world, but my wife is still sick of my contrarian take on the news and won’t discuss current events with me. I’m forced once again to post my comments online: 1. A student creates a robot that can solve a Rubik’s Cube in fifteen seconds: Aww, man, now […]
Breaking News Fixed
March 21, 2011
I saw this picture of Hillary Clinton but didn’t immediately see any headline attached. What is she doing? Who or what is she looking at? Is she about to speak or has she just spoken? Is she possibly thinking about me and those love letters I wrote her? I decided not to look for the […]
Caption Contest–Last Week’s Winner Eligible to Win ‘On-a-Roll’ feeling
March 20, 2011
Congratulations again to last week’s caption contest winner MattJ, who is eligible to convert his ‘moderate’ lucky feeling into an ‘on-a-roll’ feeling! Submit your best caption for the picture below: Guidelines: Your caption could be a narration, a line of dialogue, a news headline, a sitcom title, or even a home remedy for removing […]
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March 31, 2011
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