How to Manipulate People into Throwing You a Party

You deserve recognition!
You deserve to be celebrated!
But when was the last time someone threw you a party?

How long have you been waiting for someone to suggest an epic gala celebrating your humanity, good looks, and intelligence? Or if those attributes are not possessed by you in proportions worthy of a giant party, why not a smaller affair celebrating your firm handshake, excellent pronunciation, and upright carriage?

Maybe your circle of friends and colleagues need a little encouragement to throw you a party.
Or maybe they need a lot of encouragement to throw you a party.
Or maybe they need to be tricked into throwing you a party.

If so, try one of the following methods:

The Whispering Surprise Party

Any time you see two people whispering to each other, you should approach and ask, “What are you guys whispering about?”

They’ll probably say they weren’t discussing anything important.   This is the time for you to give them a suspicious look, then break out in a big grin, and ask, “Are you planning a surprise party for me?”

They’ll answer no, but you pretend you’re in on the secret: “Oh, right. Wink. Wink. You’re not throwing me a surprise party. Wink.”

Now bite your lip and dab at your eyes with your sleeve. “You guys are amazing. This year has been so difficult for me,” (voice should crack here) “and sometimes I’ve felt like you guys weren’t there for me,” (convincing these people they should have been there for you can be hard to sell if you’ve never met them before, but it’s not impossible), “but then you guys go and completely redeem yourselves by throwing me a surprise party.”

They may try one more time to deny it, but you keep saying thanks and assuring them that you’ll act surprised and their secret is safe. As you leave, make sure and give them a date and location:

“Is it this Friday?”
“No. It’s never.”
“Okay. Wink. Wink. It’s not this Friday. Wink.”
“Is it going to be at Malone’s Bar?”
“No. It’s going to be in your head.”
“Okay. It’s not at Malone’s. Wink. Wink.”
Now give them a big hug and say, “You guys are the best. I won’t see you Friday at Malone’s. Wink,” and walk away.

If you can commit to doing this five times in a week, I guarantee somebody will throw you a surprise party at Malone’s on Friday.

The Temp Job Farewell Party

Some temp jobs last a day, some last weeks or months. No matter the length of your temp job, you can get them to throw you a farewell party. If you master this technique, and you’re also a terrible temp who is never asked to work a second day, you can get a farewell party at a different place of work five times a week, and maybe even on Saturdays if you can commit the extra diligence to farewell parties that you’ve never been able to commit to a real job. If cake taste-testing was your preferred career choice before your temp job, eating cake every day at a different farewell party may be a welcome alternative.

1. As you’re getting to know people at the new office, ask how long they’ve been with the company and then ask to take a picture with them to help you memorize a face to go with the new name.

2. When you meet people who’ve been there a short time, ask who they replaced and get a name. Ask other people if they threw a farewell party for Kevin on his last day of work.

3. Find out who is responsible for planning parties or events.
Mention to this person that you heard what a great farewell party he organized for Kevin.
Mention what a great tradition it is to throw parties for people on their last day and that must make those people feel really appreciated.
Wait for the party planner to agree.
Then you say, “That’s pretty great of you guys. Makes me feel a little better about today being my last day.”

4. Now walk away before he can say anything to contradict your suggestion he might throw you a party. Return to your desk and send the group email you’ve prepared containing a slideshow of all the pictures you’ve taken of yourself with other co-workers set to the Golden Girls theme song Thank You for Being a Friend. The email should say, “Thanks for the memories. I’m going to miss you guys. Talk to the party planner Todd for details of my farewell party.”

Bring your fanciest paper plate and plastic fork because I guarantee Todd will organize a party.

The First Date Party

If you’re a girl who’s been asked out and the guy asks:

“So what do you want to do? Movie? Dinner?”
You should answer, “How about a party…for me?”
“A party?”
“Yeah, it will be a good chance for me to meet your friends and for you to meet my friends.”
“A party?”
“It doesn’t have to be a big party…although that’s what I would prefer. It could just be at your place with a few friends and drinks.”
“Okay.”
“And then after drinks we all ride in a limo to the ballroom you rented and meet the other two hundred guests. It could be dinner and dancing or dancing and dinner. I’m not particular about the order. Also, it would be kind of fun to have a live band because if this works out–and you throwing me this party is kind of making me think it might–wouldn’t it be fun to have the same live band play at our wedding reception and tell people this is the band that played on our first date?”

Dust off your dancing shoes because that guy is throwing you a party!

I’ve got other suggestions, but I think I’ll save How to Trick Your Blog Readers into Throwing You a Party for myself.