There’s so much going on in the world, but my wife is still sick of my contrarian take on the news and won’t discuss current events with me. I’m forced once again to post my comments online:
1. A student creates a robot that can solve a Rubik’s Cube in fifteen seconds:
Aww, man, now robot’s will be stealing our Rubik’s Cube solving jobs, too!
2. Actor/comedian Gilbert Gottfried is fired as the Aflac duck voice after ‘tasteless’ tweets about the Japanese earthquake/tsunami:
Once again the mainstream media has let us down and overlooked an important subplot of this story! I’ve read multiple articles and not one has mentioned how reasonable Aflac’s rates are!
3. A man claims to see the face of Jesus in a pizza pan:
I fear this news will only add weight to the claims of Italian Catholics who insist Jesus always intended us to take Communion in pizza form.
4. Dog lovers are outraged as rat poison is found in a dog park together with a scribbled note ‘All Dogs Must Die’:
My cat Megatrons handwriting?
Uh-oh! That looks a lot like my cat’s handwriting…
5. A Brooklyn teen is charged with a felony for killing her family’s hamster:
Before we make up our minds that this teen is guilty, let me mention I know a friend of this family and he said lots of people hated this hamster and had plenty of motives to want him dead!
6. Geneticists explain why humans lack a barb-like penis found in many mammals:
Wait, is this article suggesting human males shouldn’t have a barbed penis?
7. A UCLA student receives death threats after a video rant against Asians goes viral. In the rant she mocks Asians for forcing her to leave the library by talking too loud as they try and call home to Japan in the wake of the Japanese natural disaster:
In this girl’s defense, it certainly sounds like she needs to spend more time in the library.
The Good Greatsby 
The Hipster
March 23, 2011
I wonder if the Brooklyn teen was practicing on the hamster before heading to the dog park.
spilledinkguy
March 23, 2011
Stupid robots.
Such show-offs.
When will scientists work on developing some A.I. humility, come on! 🙂
Calhoun
March 23, 2011
Is there really a great demand for rubiks cube solving robots?
I’d be more impressed if the robot had a practical application, like a double dutch jump roping robot, but that might just be me.
japecake
March 23, 2011
Geneticists explain why humans lack a barb-like penis
Mine is shaped like a Barbie doll. Does that count?
carldagostino
March 23, 2011
They publish long lists of these absurdities in the Funny Times. These absurdities are absurd.
Binky
March 23, 2011
If a robot can solve a Rubik’s Cube, then why can’t we make a robot that can cook a decent meal?
Tony McGurk
March 31, 2011
We have…
It’s called a wife!!!
Boy am I gunna fry if she ever visits this blog
bschooled
March 23, 2011
If they figure out Farmville, soccer moms everywhere are screwed.
ajg
March 23, 2011
I’m sick of so much of my paycheck going to Robot Unemployment! I don’t break my back on the spice farms 12 hours a day just so Johnny 5 and Rosie can sit around and look at robot porn all day on the dole! We never should have let them unionize…
marryin'thelibrarian
March 23, 2011
Later on the man also saw Jesus’s face in a bowl of spaghetti, a plate of veal piccata, and a cone of gelato. I guess Jesus was hungry.
Amanda
April 8, 2011
Someone order the body of Christ?
The Good Greatsby
April 8, 2011
It would definitely make more people go to church.
nursemyra
March 24, 2011
If they served pizza for communion maybe I’d consider going back to Mass
The Good Greatsby
March 25, 2011
I’d certainly consider going. Some pizza, some singing, a chance to dress up. Sounds better than my typical Sunday plans.
Tony McGurk
March 31, 2011
The robots are welcome to the rubiks cubes of the world. I got so frustrated with one I had I ended up pulling it to bits to see how it worked & it never worked again. I wish they had’ve bought the Pizza Communion in back when I was a Catholic, I kinda feel ripped off now…
infinite monkey theorem
April 7, 2011
Re: 7…Ching Chong! It means I loved this! (And Jimmy Wong too!)